Have you ever thought of having an 'it's complicated' relationship with your life? At times of joy you are triggered to be fully certain of even the teeny tiny details, however when circumstances slap you on the face you go all vague about the status like a child who tries to read an abstract painting.
The gist being, you are unsure and as all authors and scholars put it, it's a bloody damn roller coaster ride. To add further, a damn damn ride that I will never attempt a second try ( not to mention even the first one was not voluntary) .
Or perhaps the word 'lost' leaves a stronger frustration?
Embarrassingly though, I have to admit at times trying to look through the blurry glasses do induce a subtle I'm-a-positive-to-the-core-psycho kind of feeling and guess what? It's helluva fun! It's like dipping your French fries into a chocolate sauce. Both are your favorites aside from you being such a glutton, so you attempt to combine the duo keeping an utterly positive assumption that, love+love= so much love, you dip. And trust me, spitting is all that is mandatory! Since we humans are built to view things from our-advantage-dimension , even in 'it's complicated' we start building the proverbial castle to our convenience no matter how absurdly impossible it seems to be. What's next? Get an helmet bubba!
( well that French fries thingy isn't that bad though, sweet lord thanks for the discovery of such savory food)
That is kinda close to exactly what I feel. Joy, slaps, confusion, the dammit roller coaster, everything mixed in a bowl and served with the depression cherry on top!
Any idea about the whole lengthy stuff?
Not trying to be Jodi podicult or ms Kinsella, let me put things in the simple most manner. I'm confused of the grip I have upon my life. I'm authoring every single event with my own decisions and ideas of a good life yet I myself invite intruders in or perhaps they just come unwelcomed. I love my life so desperately ( yes that word) to the extent of trading all my bags and shoes to fix this bumpy ride. Like its possible. As mentioned, it's complicated. So good , in fact great it feels to be me at times but the moment I trip down hitting the ground, my knees just goes static while my head start musing with the whys and what ifs. My surreal positivity on the other hand, needs an immediate reality check ! After an I-don't-need-a-blusher-anymore-slap.
Happily declaring,I heard a lot of you are traveling on the same boat. Well that without a doubt is a great news. Let's row peeps!.....while I sneak out for a short nap...and some snacks and some 'life-is-like-a-moving-boat philosophical thoughts? Scusi.
It's complexly complicated .
Renuka G
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