Thanks!

I took an online quiz and guess what it is about????

WHAT KIND OF TEACHER ARE YOU?

Here comes the truth!

You have the Walking Carpet Personality:

You are always being walked over by your students. Your room often seems like a party. Unfortunately, you do not usually have control. Very little learning occurs and when it does you really feel like you've accomplished something. You don't know how to say no and kids know it. Your reputation precedes you from year to year. Kids either love your class or hate it depending on their goals.

Seriously though...:

If you are currently teaching, you have to change things immediately. That's easier said than done. It's always easier to get easier as the year goes on. Make small steps. Institute a new rule at a time. Create an incentive system for good behavior. If, on the other hand, you are becoming a teacher and have this personality, fight against it. Students will quickly learn how to bamboozle you and you will find that teaching is much hard than need be.

Everybody knows now!

Click here to try : About.com

Renuka G

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Oops I didn't

Today I realize the importance of putting your own and the happiness of those you love and truly care about above anything. To investigate and stay restless while making someone's life miserable is pointless and not a thing anyone should do or obliged to bear with. Therefore I decided to move on from that moment towards better ones.

The decision made was obviously hard considering my curious self but I really wanted to make it happen. Guess what? I succeeded. Things went well today. I drew, I painted, I laughed and I smiled at everything that I've come pass.

It's not about positivity, it's not ignorance neither in this case. I would just praise the will. The will to go on and seize the moment despite all the dramas, heart wrenching happenings and of course my own depressed self.

I did it!

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Signs like this...

Signs. I don't know what's with signs that they are so hard ignore. And if you get them thrice, it's even worse. Like a lipstick stain on your beloved's shirt, it rushes you to question things or perhaps the stain as in the case. Though the example sounds so lame making my dead ancestors come alive just to spit on my blog ( just in case they're stalking), it is actually true. Or to exaggerate, VERY true!

What signs are bugging Renuka right now?

Well the same old signs I'm getting since the beginning of last year. My inability to teach! Today was indeed a chaotic day at school. To make things worse, they or shall I say someone paired my lesson plan which is meant for a mixed ability class with a class of low proficiency students. Sabotage! But what can I do right?

However, I went in and tried to teach according to their level by changing the activities and some parts of the poem. Then guess what? Earthquake took place, only in that particular class. Shaking the tables, Bingo, chopping and spinning erasers etc etc. As usual I tried my level best to address them one by one and stay calm in my speech. Sadly, it didn't last longer than 3 minutes and the havoc was alive again. Worse than a flea market!

Since I know it would be a waste of time to get them to listen, I carried on. The girls as usual were attentive and stuffs while the boys were basically trying to model LMFAO's videos which apparently didn't make me LMFAO! Soon things got real bad that I couldn't even hear my own voice. You guys know how loud I sound right? So just imagine how loud they were.

The final phase of devastation, I gave up. Honestly I didn't finish up the lesson. I left the class without saying a word. I smiled though! You know my smile can mean a lot of things, so I'll let you guess what this one meant.

I choose to think today was a sign. All my school based experiences showed the same. They all highlighted who I can't be- a teacher. Its hard for me to be stern, I don't beat or shout at kids, I give up easily, above all I don't have the passion. I love literature, I love English but they are just not enough to make me feel good about teaching.

I have been fighting this battle within myself since the day I took up this course and it's just never ending. Now that I'm aware of these signs, I fear what the future holds.

Signs are also like science, you can't take them lightly. But in my case, I shouldn't/ mustn't even think about them!

There's no other choice except to try and try and try.

And ya tomorrow is my last day of SBE. No worries, not sad, just feeling so normal. Whatever they are going to write or tick in the form, I don't care and to your surprise this is the very first time I'm not scared of evaluation. Good thing? You think so?

I don't know.

Good night!

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Zombies and SBE

Let's talk SBE!

I never really had an abysmal experience in the past to stop me from doing my School-Based Experience in my home town. Seriously no! Well maybe i've felt like an alien but that's not a huge deal since it's normal when it comes to a new environment and people and stuffs.

However that was the past and I tell you what, NOW I have a very strong reason to NEVER come back for another SBE!

Why?

Let me present to you a list.

1. On my 1^st day which was yesterday, without any mercy the headmaster called me to the stage (yes it was a REAL stage) and asked me to introduce myself and give a speech during the assembly. Of course introducing is an easy thing, Hi my name is Renuka and that's it, end of story! But the speech thingy literally bugged me! And it all ended to be an embarrassing one. Trust me, 'the' worst speech ever! You wanna hear what I said?
   
   
   Me: Hi, Selamat pagi semua, good morning
   Pupils: Good morning teacher (in chorus)
   Me: How are you feeling today?
   Pupils: Fine teacher
   Me: So what's next ( Aaaaahhhhhh why did I say it?)
   Pupils: blurred
   Me: Have a good day and study betul2 tau, alright? (Manglish? Shit happens)
   Pupils: *still blurred*
   Me: By the way my name is Renuka and you can call me Teacher Renu.(how can I forget that?) I guess that's all??
   Pupils: *claps* (thank god they did that and not throw eggs and tomatoes at me)
   
   
   BAD!!!!!!
   
   
2. They won't give me classes! And the reason being, they are busy with MQA! Familiar huh? Ya, the one body that will never leave us in peace *reminiscing IPG moments* So basically i'm sitting like an alien in the staff room with my oscar wilde plays from 7.20 till 1.15. What a life..
   
   
3. I can't find the boy who charmed me! Yes, that boy. The porcupine haired boy I mentioned on facebook. He was so charming yesterday, made me smile, made my day but today I tried to stalk him but tough luck I couldn't even locate that small boy even though his hair is 'tall' and unique to set him off the crowd. BTW his forehead is not huge, or big or anything, which is why I feel so confused. This isn't normal.
   
   
4. The awkward moment when a preschool kid invites you to play zombie! Sheesh. I wonder when he is going to meet snow white and sing baa baa black sheep. Another conversation:
   Kid: Teacher main ape? Banyak nyer colour..( I was playing diamond dash)
   Me: =) (yes I just smiled)
   Kid: bosan la teacher, main zombie/ Oum-bie ngan kite
   Me: =) (again)...........teacher tak suke
   Kid: knape? Teacher jom la, jom!
   Me: …...... * his friend came and they played oum-bie together*
   Happy ending!
   
   
5. Many more horrible happenings..

I seriously can't take it ! Things are getting worse and FYI I don't like to sit and do nothing.

Perhaps tomorrow I have to locate their preschool and put up hours watching the kids' mischievous acts. Whatever it is, NO ZOMBIE2!

I hate my SBE. Period!

Renuka G

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Easy choices

I don't know how much positivity is left within me to combat what's right in front of me this sole moment. It's not like I refuse to approach things by looking at the bright side but occurrences have convinced me to revaluate my stand. To question the good positivity has brought (if there is).

It's so hard.

I've been here before, and even worse I've been negative, in fact very negative and pessimistic about things some time ago that I don't want to relive those days. The problem though is, I can't stay positive neither. It's like my own hands bashing myself and wrenching my heart real bad. I'm the author, i'm the culprit, without a doubt of course yet I don't know how to fix it. Not to say I have no solution, but I'm stuck between my head and my heart.

Have you ever stayed in a place so long that makes you feel so bad and real low but still avoid leaving just because something deep inside is stopping you? It's complicated and tough to explain what's happening and what moves you towards such a choice yet you are driven to do so. To stay and wait. Wait for as long as it takes for perhaps a miracle to blow you away. As weird as it sounds, it is actually true.

I used to say happiness is the ultimate quest and we are the forever-chasers. This too is a path. It might not be the right one, it might not take me there but i'm trying despite all these tears and sorrow that is destructing me for so long.

Finally i'm positive again I guess, mordantly positive.

Renuka G

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Issues like control

“And I told him, I said: "One day you're going to miss the subway because it's not going to come. One of these days, it's going to break down and it's not going to come around and everyone else will just wait for the next one or will take the bus, or walk, or run to the next station: they will go on with their lives. And you're not going to be able to go on with your life! You'll be standing there, in the subway station, staring at the tube. Why? Because you think that everything has to happen perfectly and on time and when you think it's going to happen! Well guess what! That's not how things happen! And you'll be the only one who's not going to be able to go on with life, just because your subway broke down. So you know what, you've got to let go, you've got to know that things don't happen the way you think they're going to happen, but that's okay, because there's always the bus, there's always the next station...you can always take a cab.”
― C. JoyBell C.

I don't know whether it is utterly coincidental that I can relate 101% well with the quote above but all I'm certain of is I have serious control issues hooked perfectly to myself for as long as I've existed.

Hold on, I'm not alone okay? I see you! And you! Of course you too!

Yea it is at times quite or shall I honestly admit as, 'very' consoling to see many around to be suffering from the same condition, however when the quest is to find cure the aforementioned seems to be not much of a help.

I want to get rid of this major issue from my life, in fact for so long. It's not easy to act like a diva or put up with one. Ask my friends, ask my inner self ( though it sounds a little creepy). Diva? Yes diva, but if you are of the opposite sex then I'm still vague about the term. How about Don? Casanova? Handsome? No you are not!

Forget that.

Having control issues is like traveling on a one way road. That way or no way at all. Get me? It's like you have this blue print and you want each and every single detail so perfect that even a small change appears catastrophic to your vision. Crazy right?

Guilty ;-)

The cure for your information, is merely a two word mojo yet an ultimate challenge to put into action. Still no harm in trying right? According to 50 cent, get 'fixed', or die trying! Ok he didn't say exactly that but no harm in improvising I guess. For the betterment of the society.....

Huhu back to our crisis.

Again the cure. Since we all agreed to stay faithful to the 'in da club' star, let's try to fix alright? So as the first step, we practice the two-word mojo. C'mon everybody, say it together 'LET LOOSE!'. Once again people?

Good.

Well that's what I'm working on as well. Every morning, stand in front of the mirror but don't camwhore2, stand still or pose a little and say 'Let loose ( insert your own name, pet name is acceptable as well)

Try jangan tak try!

That's all for today. Remember, practice makes perfect!

ReNuKa G

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The dire thing

Believe it or not, to feel miserable is way easier than to feel happy. Nearly effortless at times.

Isn't it way too impressive how negative things cling to our thoughts?

I know.

It seems like we love the sinking feeling so much till we can't even help but welcome such misery into our mind and of course our lives.

But no harm to this extent. You think, you feel down, ok that's totally acceptable. What's next? Dust it off and move on. We are not given that much time to waste by mourning and sulking at the corner.

Some things are bound to happen and are meant to strike us like a thunderbolt. True enough we can't do much beside accepting and minimizing the impact of the incident on us. Still it's not like nothing is in our hands right? There is something and that is what we call the 'will'. The will to move forward and look beyond what's so literal.

Life is all about challenges of different level of difficulties. Sometimes we get it hard, sometimes have to digest the worst. But never let go of your grip upon it. The ability to suck it up and be prepared for the next with much spirit.

Remember, only the moment you turn static that the world hits you the hardest. Keep moving pals !

ReNuKa G

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