Monday, March 19, 2012

Easy choices

I don't know how much positivity is left within me to combat what's right in front of me this sole moment. It's not like I refuse to approach things by looking at the bright side but occurrences have convinced me to revaluate my stand. To question the good positivity has brought (if there is).

It's so hard.

I've been here before, and even worse I've been negative, in fact very negative and pessimistic about things some time ago that I don't want to relive those days. The problem though is, I can't stay positive neither. It's like my own hands bashing myself and wrenching my heart real bad. I'm the author, i'm the culprit, without a doubt of course yet I don't know how to fix it. Not to say I have no solution, but I'm stuck between my head and my heart.

Have you ever stayed in a place so long that makes you feel so bad and real low but still avoid leaving just because something deep inside is stopping you? It's complicated and tough to explain what's happening and what moves you towards such a choice yet you are driven to do so. To stay and wait. Wait for as long as it takes for perhaps a miracle to blow you away. As weird as it sounds, it is actually true.

I used to say happiness is the ultimate quest and we are the forever-chasers. This too is a path. It might not be the right one, it might not take me there but i'm trying despite all these tears and sorrow that is destructing me for so long.

Finally i'm positive again I guess, mordantly positive.

Renuka G