I don't know how much positivity is
left within me to combat what's right in front of me this sole
moment. It's not like I refuse to approach things by looking at the
bright side but occurrences have convinced me to revaluate my stand.
To question the good positivity has brought (if there is).
It's so hard.
I've been here before, and even worse
I've been negative, in fact very negative and pessimistic about
things some time ago that I don't want to relive those days. The
problem though is, I can't stay positive neither. It's like my own
hands bashing myself and wrenching my heart real bad. I'm the author,
i'm the culprit, without a doubt of course yet I don't know how to
fix it. Not to say I have no solution, but I'm stuck between my head
and my heart.
Have you ever stayed in a place so long
that makes you feel so bad and real low but still avoid leaving just
because something deep inside is stopping you? It's complicated and
tough to explain what's happening and what moves you towards such a
choice yet you are driven to do so. To stay and wait. Wait for as
long as it takes for perhaps a miracle to blow you away. As weird as
it sounds, it is actually true.
I used to say happiness is the ultimate
quest and we are the forever-chasers. This too is a path. It might
not be the right one, it might not take me there but i'm trying
despite all these tears and sorrow that is destructing me for so
long.
Finally i'm positive again I guess,
mordantly positive.
Renuka G
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