Read between the lines

You need no search at the self-help shelves to understand life and your own self, even a simple folktale can be an ultimate eye-opener if you're just willing to read between the lines .

Learn and never ever stop

Don't count the profit by the amount of money you receive or kill to receive a certificate by the end of every undertaking. Learn sincerely, generously, you will never know when you might need what

It's simple

In a materialistic world in which everyone strives and chases after money, I'd like to work for satisfaction.

Old habits die hard

The habits that we pick up at some point of time once fossilized within us won't leave us. Just like a tattoo, we take them everywhere we go, for as long as we live.

Love Thyself

Just like a good book with a well-illustrated cover, the person you are should overpower youself more than your gorgeous hair and hour-glass curves (which is the ultimate stereotype surely), and that is the real deal!

Friday, December 31, 2010

CurtAin FaLLs

Holla everyone!! Its New Year’s eve and I'm pretty sure everyone is excited about stepping to 2011 and exploring the new ventures it has in store. Well, I am certainly excited too. Unfortunately I would be celebrating my New Year in my hostel room. Its OK because this is not the first time since 2010 began in this place as well. 

Ok whatever! I don’t have much expectations or changes for 2011. Its just going to be an upgrade from foundation to degree in B.Ed TESL, which I consider to be a good thing. Not exactly because I'm a teacher material or what-so-ever! Its solely because of my love for English and Literature. Hopefully I get to do Hamlet by William Shakespeare for degree as I love Shakespeare soo much ; to the extent where I would just kiss him if he was standing in front of me now <3

A reflection on 2010. If you were to ask me whether it was a good year then my answer is certainly a NO. However it is definitely worth! People need tragic things in life to mould them, so do I. 2010  thought me a lot of valuable lessons, I went through worst events that I would never be able to undone. Thorough out the year, I was just living surrounded by head games. ILLUSIONS. Which of course provided happiness, but unfortunately they were just a wind that touched and passed me the next moment. I appreciate the lessons but not the pain; not that I resist pain but the pain I went through was unbearable. Some people betrayed me, things eventually went outta control and got back in place, weakened trust in relationships, biased professionals, etc etc.

Everything thought me more on people and of course about myself. I'm finally ready to make decisions for myself. The vague me is disappearing slowly. I'm going to be 20, certainly I gotta get more matured right?

Whether I forgive everything others did in my life, I'm not sure and I don’t expect people whom i misbehaved with to do so too. Lets just let time heal the wounds, and about those scars, I think I have to bear them for the rest of my life. I don’t wanna wish anyone bad things nor I wanna patch those broken ties. Time will tell and reveal..

That’s all I got I guess. I really wish to continue blogging and we will see about that since I don’t know what is in store for 2011 in IPG. If everything goes well, I hope to create another blog about ‘something’. We will see k.



Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I've forgotten..

My eyes are raining and even my arid dreams have become soaked 

My eyes are raining while my sleep cries in the corners of my eyelids

My eyes are raining tears fall and my heart aches

My eyes are raining as the season of dark clouds and separation approaches

I have started to become friends with dark and empty nights

Lost in these paths, nothing belongs to me anymore

I don't how I endure each passing moment

I keep telling myself over and over again

I have forgotten you

Then why have your memories

Made me cry.

I can hear the words written in my memories of you

Passed moments ask why we parted ways like this, Oh Lord

this distance I've got

 God, it's only your decision,

God, it has happened, that you had written..


Sunday, December 26, 2010

SeARChinG is A Sin

It is amazing how every time I think my blogging days are over I bump into this place somehow or the other and end up composing a new blog post. Well, if nothing else, it at least proves I have what it takes to be in a long term relationship (which I’ll be in someday… or not). Anyway, so I don’t have any specific thing to talk about today, neither am I in the mood to go into self reflection or those kinds of serious things so I think I’m just going to make this post about my life updates. It’s important that everybody does that every once in a while in order to know where exactly we are in life. 

So I’ll start with my recent trip to KL for 3 days and 2 nights. I of course had a splendid shopping spree in a few malls there, to be exact; Pavillion and Suria KLCC. It was certainly my best shopping experience ever since I spend nearly one solid day in each mall. Hmm not really that ‘solid’, still obeying its operating hours =) I bought a great bag of my choice, a few occasional tops, shoes and a shirt for my dad’s birthday! Telling the truth, I didn’t fully explore those malls! Yet it was enough for me to finish nearly my 3 months allowance! We had a great stay at the Frasers ‘apartment. I would credit this place as the best of all other hotels and apartments I had stayed before!  Overall it was a kind of trip I would like to go once again!

Christmas =))
Curtain raised in Kluang. I started the routine of watching the series in AXN BYD. Not forgetting the latest movies I watched ; Aisha, the proposal, eat pray love and we are family! All those movies were simply awesome!! Hmm then comes Christmas. It was a great one as well. As usual I get to strike a pose with my Christmas hat. And I was pulling them off the whole day, even though I was just staying in most of the time. The childish me =)

I got another 5 days of holidays left to be enjoyed. And did I mention that I passed my finals?? Yes I did and thank god for his blessings =) LOVE YOU GOD.

Just felt like saying; You don’t have to be happy or be working towards happiness all the time, or even some of the times. It is not necessary. You can call your sad life a good life; you can live on the streets and not build yourself a house or have a family and call it a good life. Its all in your mind how you wish to calculate your well-being!


Sunday, December 12, 2010

WaNNa ArGue??

I’ve been wanting to write on my blog since the past so few weeks but I kept pushing away this feeling every time, not because I couldn’t find the time to write or didn’t have anything to write .it’s just that SO much has happened in the past weeks and such amazing things have happened that I didn’t want to do injustice to those events by trying to encapsulate them into a collection of inexpressive words. Ok let me proceed with my core purpose of logging in tonight!

ARGUMENTS and ARGUING. How far do you guys believe in this? Is it worth? 

wanna argue??? =pp
When I say ‘argue’ then of course it contrasts with confronting. Confronting belongs in more calm and peaceful genre while arguing is more about hosting a debate on an issue. Emotions are shot up to extreme levels at times in arguments.  To conclude in my way, I would say arguments leads to high BP while confronting ends in disappointments. Both seem pointless but confrontations look a little bit healthier.

Ok that was just about clearing the confusion between the word ‘confront’ and ‘argue’ which some presumed to have the same meaning or what-so-ever. Moving on, arguing? I believed each and every one of us had argued over something at a certain point in life. When we recall back those tensions and  harsh words and debates , do you think it is worth ? to be clear, did those arguments really resolved an issue or was it just a momentary zip-of-the-lips which sparked worse fires in future? And  a point to note,there is only two ways  an argument in a relationship could end, 1st the magical word of ‘sorry’ and 2nd ‘goodbyes’. How long do you think a SORRY can last? 1 week? 1 month? 6 months? Then back to square one. People do what they feel like doing regardless of what others feel about it.  This may sound harsh because, people call it ‘reality’. Conflict is not like mathematics. There is not always a solution waiting to be found and even if there is, how often does it a full-stop? A full-stop pulled down is what appears most ( I mean a comma (,)  )

to cry soon, if u think so..
In a situation where people are far more anxious to express their approval or disapproval what confides you a peaceful solution? So why argue? Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, here I suggest you to fake it! it may sound bad, harsh, mean or what-so-ever you call it but trust me this is the best-ever way I can suggest. Silence, it pays off. Of course you won’t solve an issue, but at least we save some hurt. Its my piece of mind that arguing and confronting are barely a scenario of emotional outburst. We feel dissatisfied and our mouth gets really itchy to voice out and finally everything just get blown out of proportions and we cry. 

Hmm peeking from the side of an optimistic thinker, maybe arguments could work ! but of course with a condition. The person or party you are arguing with should be tolerant and have the tendency to accept people’s views and opinions. Trust me, this is freaking hard!! Nowadays people wanna win and nobody wish to be in the noble shoes of the losers. We got our own self-pride,ego, dignity, yada yada that will certainly restrict us from jumping off those fences.

Do mercy to your body and health! Don’t create a worthless battle where everyone wants to fight and no hands wants to resolve!  Silence is golden, problems will fade in time, lets not make resolutions that flies with the wind and comes back as a catastrophe

Good Night =)

Friday, December 3, 2010

Felicitous Life

Ok let me update about my holidays. OMG its freaking fun and kinda boring at certain point, hmm like ‘now’! now it makes sense why off a sudden I'm updating my blog right?? Haha so me...
the don't-know-what-to-do pose
Starting from where it all begins, the end of finals!! Later, I had to spend 3 long days in my hostel room for no reason as exams finished earlier and, we had to obey the rule of the no-words-to-describe IPG of not allowing students to go back prior to the real holiday date which  (which I forgot). Hmm the 3 boring days were killed by watching Ranbir Kapoor movies on youtube! *bliss*yet boring.. I watched his Wake up Sid, Ajab Prem Ki... to-long-to be-spelled and Raajneeti .  After all the cleaning of the mess in my room and packing, I finally get back home safely!!!

Curtain raised in kluang! Ok back home I once again went through 3 days of so-called imprisonment!! Hahaxx not literally that but sort of. But I got addicted to AXN Beyond ! I sailed smoothly for 3 days via watching this 1 channel!! It is way more interesting than AXN of course, not for the reason its HD but the shows and series are simply fabulous! Drop dead diva, Flipping out, the real housewives of NY, and the recently premiered; better off Ted just to name some. Oppss  I forgot to mention the reason for the ‘imprisonment’. Actually I had to wait for my sis to finish her exam and come back home. You know, family activities needs 4 ! I mean the whole family need to be involved.

Then I went to KL to get her stuffs and fetch her from UPM! And there comes the kick start of my real holidays! I went to the 2 most renown  malls in kluang, do I need to mention the names?? Not really for shopping but to buy gifts for my mom’s b-day and to catch movies.  And I suppose it is not shocking at all if I were to mention that I ended up buying a pair of sandals at vincci and some cosmetics at the bodyshop! The ecstasy is that everything is sponsored by MR.GS, my cute-cwit dad!! What a life....( this time I'm not sighing =) )

By the way, everything above happened a week ago! This week, this moment I'm just st
aying at home, once again sailing through the days accompanied by AXN BYD, Diva, Star World, MTV and a few more channels. Its is absolutely ok because I'm so HAPPY and PEACEFUL!!!! That’s the highlight.

Now on the shopping plans!! This Sunday I will be spending  2 days exploring Malacca!!! My favourite place to shop and look-see.. YiPPieeeee!! Roughly after  two weeks I will be heading to KL for another shopping spree! Honestly I cant wait!! Seriously I'm so freaking happy and excited of course.. 
<3 it short

Such a Felicitous Life I'm living..*in heaven* well not forgetting my new haircut, concave bob!! I'm loving my hair short!!! It looks neat and just-nice..

Friday, November 19, 2010

One Kind

There’s just one kind of folks in this world. I do truly agree with this notion by Harper lee in To kill A mockingbird. it can be translated in many ways but I choose one angle to  put spotlight on.

Taking a trip down the memory lane, we refresh the values we were instilled with when we were young. A vox populi explaining the world! Something that goes like this: there are good people and bad people in the world, the good people get a free ride to heaven while the bad ones will burn in hell! So be the good one.  This idea is instilled in each and every one of us when the word maturity itself is still alien, the only reason why this belief this persists! I'm not saying it is a wrong notion but allow me to make some amendments to it.

The world is not branched into good people and bad people but it is people with both good and bad sides. No one is delivered into this home of ours as a fully bad person or as a baby-forever man. Human body parts are paired so is human himself/herself. We are paired , two sides we possess, good side and bad side! Its like pros and cons in things, here it is personified.

Just like enzymes that triggers chemical reactions, circumstances take control here. It acts as an enzyme that results in the appearance of either the good side or the bad one. If you ask me whether it is voluntary , yes I suppose. It is of course done with ones conscious mind. My point is not that, what I'm trying to explain is there are no such notion as good people and bad people. We have both sides within us. So don’t be judgemental.

Yeah that is the point! Judgemental. People are being judgemental. Just because someone uses foul words we label them as bad and conclude and tie a ribbon that they are fully BAD. When someone goes to temple, we automatically set in mind that he/she belongs in the Good bunch, till the next day you see him/her in the pub. Then you re-label again. And it goes on..

Ever been labelled? Ever labelled someone yourself?  Everyone’s done both, sometimes it’s benign, sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes it’s a bad thing.  It starts from an early age and continues through life. I remember being thought of not to label others but those who thought me do this labelling activity as well. Even I do that. I think it is human nature. And I think that if you are ‘aware’ you are doing it, you should try to stop. Nobody likes being put in a category. Well, this goes to me as well.
Treat people equally. Because we are all puppets moved by circumstances. So blame circumstances, no harm in that. When you blame people, when you label them, then  it hurts. Each of us are the same, we have the two sides, what makes a difference here is that how often we use one, and this is purely the fault of circumstances. 

So ya there is only one kind of folks in this world. The one and only kind with both good and bad side. Next time when you see people, label their sides not they themselves.

This is My good side.

i Will Se3 Me

Today I'm here,
Kneeling down staring into the pond
I see a blurred reflection of mine
A stone toss and he flies away
Short enough I couldn’t admire.

Tomorrow I will come,
Kneeling down staring into the pond
I will see the clear me
A stone toss yet he will stay
Long enough I could live.

Of the more tomorrows to arrive
As the new me I relive
The yesterday full of asperities


Sunday, November 14, 2010

An End With a 'To b3 cOntiNUed..'

Wow its the end of Foundation programme!!! 1.5 years is OVER just like that. Can’t believe that tomorrow when i board my flight, I will only be back in 2011. Hmm in this 1 and half years I faced many ups and downs, things that changed my life and made decisions that would change my life forever. Next year when I step back to IPG I will be  a B.ed TESL student!! How exciting!! Its like I'm 19 and I will be doing my degree with no worries as there is a job waiting for me out there.

6 weeks of holidays to be enjoyed, gonna spoil myself to the max!! I got a list of movies to be watched, places to go, delicacies to indulge myself in, yada yada. Cant wait honestly!! There is no place like home and of course there is no place like my second home too. I'm soo gonna miss IPG, not literally IPG but more like the people here. My lovely friends!! Daily routine of waking up, walking in search of water, sleeping like nobody’s business, refreshing facebook over and over again, eating together in a room, talking with a ‘chicky’ voice, calling my friends with weirdo names ,saying HI for no reason, poking my friends etc etc. In short, I'm soo gonna miss this place for 6 weeks.
have a safe journey back home

For the first time in 1.5 years I will be going back without any stress, pending assignments, or anything perhaps. Everything is done at foundation level, so I'm going back just to enjoy and nothing less than that. Wow no more cold bath  in the morning nor evening, no more waiting in cafe, no more walks in search of water, no more giant nor mydin and lots more of no-more-s!!

From tomorrow onwards there is no need to nag Yen, shin Ee and ann jie anymore! My dad would be my new victim to nag! Haha soo bad of me. Gotta plan a great holiday with family, wanna go shopping to Malacca, then then ...more to come..

Ok gotta continue packing – hope tomorrow will turn a fine day for all of us! And Thank you my dearest TESL 2 classmates and my sweet cwit sisters in IPG for making this 1.5 years a meaningful one filled with lots and lotsa memorable stuffz!!! Renuka loves You ALL!!!!Adios---

some goodbyes are just to-be-continued...


Saturday, November 13, 2010

N3xT M33t...

are you proud of it??
At times it really feels sad to reflect back past relationships. It gives a weird feeling, like you put yourself out there so badly and loved some one soo much then it all reaches THE END. Its like ‘who predicted’.  It sucks even more to know that you have been replaced in a nick of time. Later you start thinking back all the odds assuming that everything including the relationship itself was fake, it hurts like hell!
At certain point in your life you will just fall soo badly like you don’t feel like putting yourself out there anymore. it hurts so much that you don’t want to even look at their faces anymore! but at the same time you just find yourself choked in emotions not being able to forget the person whom you once thought your world. It seriously sucks. Each time when his thoughts cross my mind, I feel like bursting into tears. I couldn’t help it because this is the sole time I really gave all my love to someone, and felt it reciprocated fully but little did I know all could just come crashing on me at the end. I never felt such agony  in a lifetime.  I hate myself for not being able to forget someone who had forgotten me. I really want to be over all this because I don’t think I deserve whatever I'm going through, but yea I'm helpless. 

Things in life are unpredictable, its like one day you are on the top of the world thinking what could go wrong and the next moment you find yourself answering EVERYTHING! He said I suffocated him but he killed me. I find the word LOVE to be soo familiar yet I just can’t recall. He broke me down but not the whole of me, he just destroyed my beliefs on true love and honesty. I don’t wanna hear from you and I pray we will never ever cross each others’ path .

During my first break up, I didn’t have hatred towards love nor I questioned the ability of true relationships, now I do! I don’t believe in true love. Its just an non existing notion people created to continue in the world full of illusions! 

I believe I believe one day I wont even remember your name, I will forget your face, I will walk pass you knowing nothing. I will get over this shit, trust me I will. But for now, I will take the pain. I will accept all stabs. Let me say thank you now because we are going to anonymous to each other soon.
I don’t wanna teach anyone lessons nor I wish to seek sympathy, I am just making it clear that I take time recover and when I really do, I-NEVER-KNEW-YOU! 


Friday, November 12, 2010


Human ego often drives us into this i-think-I-know notion. Its more like a confident attitude of a human being of understanding or perceiving other people’s problems and hardships. Yup, hmm for instance  we look at our friend facing a death in her family and we go there standing aside with an i-know-how-it-feels attitude like we just get into their shoes and walked a decade with it enough to talk on how it feels to her. LAME as it sounds. Is it really possible and realistic to feel what others feel?  

Do we really know what we think we do?

Putting it simple, it might be friendship that is bothering A and B but B can’t say he know what is A going through because friendship is the common issue; cause, background, character, ways of dealing  yada yada , there is a bunch of uncommon things under this one issue of friendship! Just because A  and B are dealing with the same issue, they can’t be in each other’s shoes. Its totally different and the perception of knowing remains just a ‘perception’ and nothing beyond. A point to note here, We all look at other people 'from the outside'. The only person we really know 'from the inside' is ourselves and goodness knows, we often find that we don't know ourselves all that well, really! But we generally know ourselves a bit better than we know other people. But this didn't prevent us from acting as though we know all about them! Like what we are talking about right now
wanna try walking anyone??

 It is impossible to be in someone else’s shoes and claim we know it all, plus we don’t even know ourselves well! Don’t we?

Offering a shoulder? Ok this is another issue. I don’t believe in people coming into my live like an angel or what-so-ever you call it just to drown me in the river of sympathy when the water itself is plainly tears of mine. I don’t need, in fact we don’t need people to offer us a shoulder to cry or lean or sit or I don’t know. As I mentioned, we are different. The they-think-they-know bunch is  not for real! They don’t know. It is important for each and every individual to understand that we are different and we face the same yet  different problems and issues. The sole reason being we walk in our own shoes!

I'm not being emo, but realistic. You can’t sit there and claim you have the mutual feeling as the other party even though you had faced such problems a million times or know that person for decades long! Its like trying to drown in a pond, show me how?  Ok being optimistic, it might be that this bunch is trying to reach out to them and genuinely want to be there as a helping hand, shoulder to cry or whatever you call it as, yet there is no necessity to feel like ‘you-know’. At times people who claim they know are just momentary puppet moved by their emotions to pour out their experience of travelling on the same boat. It would be like the reunion of the sympathy seekers! At the end of the day, we just share miserable things, we cry even more, we often opt to decisions that are not authentically from our own brain and yeah shit happens thereafter. THE END!

Is this what we really want? The notion of perceiving that we know is often fake or more like an illusion. It is just a feeling inside us of wanting to share. Problems might look the same but as you get deeper its gonna be a total contrast to what you thought ‘you know’. People should understand that others can’t help them emotionally, consoling words are like boost to those who are drowning but hoping them to feel what you feel is impossible! So don’t expect nor claim!

Learn to solve your own problems, cz life is all about the changes and decisions you make. One day when your life flashes before you, make sure all you see is what YOU have done to be who you are at that sole moment! 

Have a Great day!!


Saturday, November 6, 2010

a JUST thingy

Sometimes I wonder, I wonder whether there is something wrong with me or its just what life offers me. A lot of things went wrong. I tried to reason all those things, not once or twice but so many times. I just couldn’t find why it had to be that way, the BAD way. At times, its like we are brought to situations where we just stand there, helpless. Something like a one way road. I find it hard, very hard in fact. When I look around I see, broken friendships, past relationships, friends turned enemy. I wonder why things got that worse. People I used to know seem to look so distinct, like I don’t even know them anymore.

It is true and it is a fact that people change, at times they change like for the worse and not the good.  Ok perhaps I should agree that the closer you get the uglier people look. Yup at far everyone look like just-perfect people with a just-perfect life! But the moment you put your steps forward, the view gets ugly. Its like an illusion which its code has been broken. All you can see is the real harsh truth. A ‘good’ you know might be equivalent to the ‘worst’ you have seen.  CHANGES..

But whatever it is, the important thing is you gotta be strong. Circumstances can drive us crazy  at times. Understand that there are too many/much of everything in the world. So there is no such thing as, a worry, a happy day, a friend, a job  yada yada. If you just stand there and complain, good things won’t come approaching you, neither do bad things. You gotta work things out, search for what you want, believe in changes and accept it, be prepared for the worst catastrophe, thank god for everything you have. 

When things get real hard, don’t hold your tears, cry out loud and the next moment make sure you walk like you will never fall. At times, life is all about what you believe. Something like the mind over matter thingy. Smile even at hard times, man can’t take too much of stress at once you see! Work your way out the problem. If at all it fails, believe there would be another chance and move on. Or you could remind yourself of the story of the fox and sour grapes, if you know. Don’t expect others to console you, people will be there to offer you or even shower you with sympathy. But that is not what you need! Stand up, be on your own. Learn to get through things by yourself. Life is all about being STRONG and having the courage to endure and let go.

Believe me, life is just a puzzle. One day each and every one of us will solve it but that ‘one day’ won’t come so fast. It takes a long journey which stuffs you with lots and lotsa experiences and maturity. Wait for the one day, till then tell yourself ‘Life-is –a –JUST-thingy!


Thursday, November 4, 2010

Fr0m m3

Alright guys, lets drag a brand new attitude and get that *bling*bling* party on! Heck with the moaning and groaning over what’s not in the world, whose corrupt and blah blah! Let’s just enjoy for a change, with little stuff that we have in our hands! Set aside all the theories about life and its ups and downs, forget the past, no worries about tomorrow and enjoy the now. Lets make small things matter. Search for happiness and follow its path. Regret over stupid things but don’t indulge in it. Smile over thank you-s  and sorry-s. Laugh like you will never stop. Walk like its on a runway. Party like you're a rock star. Live the-closest-to-perfection life. Remember, tomorrow is just another day, not the END! 

Have A Great Diwali !! Cel3braT3 YaW !! <3


Sunday, October 31, 2010

The 'S' Word =s

'FAKE' studying
OMG i got damn stressed thinking about exams!!! and tomorrow is the 1st paper, LDS. this is so crazy, feeling like standing on the edge of an active volcano!!!  i was studying, studying, then ended up watching videos on youtube, later once again i started with the same routine and ended up capturing pics!! STRESS...

If i fail then this the prove that i 'studied'
ok fine, enough of that! i gotta get back to my studying business. core paper, grammar some more tomorrow.

Go! Go! Fighting Renuka!!!
Go! Go! Fighting TESLians!!!


1.5= 10 ( P3rF3cT0 )

Final Exam??  Not stating the end of the journey but a kick start to a new one. Yeah in two weeks time I will be  DONE with foundation programme. Next year, OMG I'm going to sparkle as a undergraduate of  B.ed TESL (Hons) . Time flies, it seems like I just came to Terengganu but 1.5 years had passed and so many things had taken place. Dramas, break-ups, lost friendships, struggles in adapting yada yada. But yea I'm a better person, I'm independent and I'm stronger all because of this one place that moulded me so much and will keep moulding me in years to come. Can’t wait to step back to this IPG as a degree student. I will just be 19 when I get into my degree programme=D All I got to do is study and pass this final exam. I won’t deny that I'm freaking nervous, even though the quest is to pass only it still gives me that weird feeling in my stomach. Hmm hope everything will turn out well. I SWEAR I don’t wanna receive any phone calls from IPG asking me to re-sit any papers!!!!! Damn scary man!!! 
the 1 one wish = 1 coloured finger

Actually I wanna make this confession for a long time, let me fulfil it this time. Deep in my heart I seriously heart Terengganu so much. But of course not as much as I love kluang!!! I don’t know why, I just love this jungle I am in. Its a pleasant jungle. I got few friends that I know will never let me down, I got peace here ( without me messing up the situation by meeting any random guys on FB =s sheesh regrets..) I love this college way more than INTI. This place showed my both the good and bad side of people. What is it like to be in a long distance relationship, how does it feel to be so close yet so far from your family, how to look so ugly yet beautiful or vice versa. In short, A LOT!!! Lessons about love, friendship, family..

I feel like I went through a journey on a roller coaster which took me up and down and again the up and down. But the moment the journey ends, RENUKA is finally a better girl. I'm proud of myself for having the courage to accept things and move on instead of holding grudges and hating people. Maybe it is the way I had been brought up. This rocky journey didn’t shake the good side of me at all. I'm still the same, and will always be the same good lil daddy’s girl who loves to be crazy.
Ain't gonna be a LOSER !!

Regrets?? Hmm  honestly admitting I do regret some things I did against the will of my parents. I really do feel bad about it. I wasted my love and care for someone who thrashed everything even when he was still in the relationship. The person  Who put me through the worst days and nights alone. But thanks to him, I realize the difference between reality and illusion. I'm happy that I have got nothing to hide anymore and i found the stars of my life. 

Life is a series of journey, no matter how rocky a journey gets, when  you get off each its a new YOU that shines. 

Life is only beautiful with FLAWS but flaws doesn’t make life.  Great paradox to be understood


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

20 days is ENOUGH..

Let me laugh first! Hahahahaxx.. wondering why?? Well, its like this, my best friend came to me today just to tell that ‘he’ had moved on with another girl!!!! Hahahaxx my quick response was something like this, ‘he moved on so what?’ Yup, people think I'm still stressed about my past relationship, but the truth is I'm not. I set my priorities right and I am somewhat smart. I got my exams around the corner and I have got no time to mourn over dramas that are happening! I'm imagining myself as a degree student next year, not as someone’s sweetheart or what-so-ever you call it as, plus I'm not a fool to get cheated over and over again..leerrrghhh ..
No more tears

I truly admit that I am an emotional person,  I cry a lot, well after the break up I cried like shit honestly.. I cried like I don’t wanna cry anymore. That was enough to just erase the memories.  We were not meant to be together. He changing for me, me changing for him, na-ah-ah. Not gonna work and I'm not gonna oblige so does he! Whether he wants to move on, get married, get ditched it’s none of my business. Throughout the relationship, I was always there for him and finally he showed me the door out and yea I walked out. I will never look back. Friendship was an option I had, but I thought its just gonna hurt me to even have any sort of relationship with him. I'm DONE! Its OVER. I don’t mind, so him moving on is not and will never be a big deal. Move on , be happy, all the very best thats all. I don’t believe in hating people nor holding grudges because yea this is me. I let go of things, I forgive and chapter closed (full stop)

I still remember what I told him after the break up, ‘ thank you for teaching me such a great lesson in life’!  wondering what lesson it is?? SECRET SSSSsssshhhh....hahaxxx next time I will tell =D One lesson that I will remember a lifetime....

 peepz, How much can love hurt one??~~ When the love itself is temporary , can it hurt permanently?? 


Sunday, October 24, 2010

Some daY

Once someone told me it’s not the easy sailing that will make you what you wish to be. Now there are 2 ways either quit wishing to become a wiser person or learn sailing through the stormy weather. I chose the latter and I don’t consider going back on my words or thoughts hence sticking to my now! I don’t want sympathy neither do I want to sail easy. The true test of character is now, today, this moment! And I am ready to face the challenges, face the world, and face the obstacles.

If you think life has to resist change as you and I do it or intend to do it at various intervals  then keep dreaming because life wouldn’t follow your set paths. Today or tomorrow change will bump into each one of us. It bumped into me now and I am welcoming it whole heartedly because it can get hard on me if I try resisting! Understand, accept, move on, and don’t stop! This is all you want… all you need... And all that will matter some day… one day!


Monday, October 18, 2010

iLLuSioN Vs ReaLity

I don’t know why human beings are tuned by default to opt for happiness and maintain a happy disposition. Why is it so necessary to be happy? Why are we required to choose pleasure instead of pain? Honestly speaking, pleasure is so temporary and brief that it can’t be trusted. Pleasure and happiness makes you dependent on it, you are composed and poised just till the time you possess the means which are the provider of sufficient happiness. In other words, you don’t have any control, all the control is with that medium or person who provides you happiness. You on the other hand are descending to the lowest abyss to trade in happiness for yourself. It’s almost like surviving on somebody else’s living. How pathetic, and all that for something they call ‘happiness’, I don’t think it’s worth the buy. Firstly its pure selfishness, second it’s too dependent, thirdly it’s temporary hence hurtful. So basically people who opt for happiness - although at someone else’s expense - also get to meet pain on their way. So let me get this straight, when you run after someone who makes you happy, you are doing the following:

1. Being too selfish about what you want, and your own happiness.
2. Living on somebody else’s kindness.
3. Making yourself miserable by giving out your love (because that makes you happy) to someone who doesn’t require it.

One sided relationships are like this. You run after and chase those people who make you happy. You get excited, you want to do everything for them, with them, to them, and you want to share everything you have with them, everything you do with them, everything you feel with them. And in all that, you fail to consider that the person you are chasing is not interested, so your excitements can irritate them, your dreams are a burden they don’t wish to carry (and should not carry), your chase annoys them, and the only reason they are resisting their urge to put you off is because they have innate tendencies to remain kind. They don’t want suffering for you (or anybody else in the world), so they are being as selfless as it’s in their power to be, they are being tolerant and patient with you because they are happy that they can help someone from being miserable, what pure acts of altruism, and on the other hand, what is that person declaring his love doing? Involving in utter selfishness! however, there are also possibilities of it to be the other way round.People who cut their wrists because they love someone who doesnt love back are the lamest people on earth because their love is not needed, if they are offering it, too bad, but it’s not required and it’s NOT that other person’s fault. All i got to say is GET A LIFE!

This post is for those people... people who give their love to someone because that person makes them happy. I need to tell these people to stop it right away. One sided love is a synonym to being selfish. I ask you, oh people, to stop trying too hard to make yourself happy. Happiness is an illusion, pain is reality, once you accept it, you will find it easier, to live alone, and not be dependent on someone else’s kindness. Being lonely is not that hard. I beg you, oh selfish people, to let go of those kind people whom you care about, because that is best for them and you. Love is for two hearts that yearns for each other ,not tolerates with one another.

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self, so therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility.” - Khalil Jibran


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Th3y Do whAt Th3Y wAnT, Th3y GeT whAt Th3y wAnt

In this 19 years on life, I learnt a lot. But I won’t deny that most of times I failed to learn the lessons life thought me. Let me share 1 thing that I finally decided to ‘learn’. Yup it is people’s attitude on staying firm with what they want. When they want something they get it, get it their way, stay firm with it and nothing in the world could ever shake their decisions. Not everyone around me showed me this truth, but some, most of them perhaps. I don’t know whether it is pure selfishness, jealousy or barely determination. It varies with situation perhaps.

RaeN G

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Unc3RtAinTy CaN B PaRaLyzZing

Uncertainty. Well, its my best friend! Yup, this friend of mine had stayed with me more than any other friend of mine. Perplexing me up with each and everything decision I make and I'm sorry to say that I never got rid of it. yeah it may sound like some kind of disease. But having powers to paralyze one’s thinking, can’t uncertainty be a DISEASE

We face uncertainty in life, uncertainty in the world, and it can be a paralyzing feeling that cripple us in our crucial decisions. Now you know how people trip! A drop of uncertainty in the ocean of life might divert your path just like that. Think about it, think about how uncertainty changed your lives? In love? In choosing your career? In friendship?  Daily circumstances?
just like casino: outsome unseen, unknown..

Bearing with consequences is maturity; facing with uncertainty is mind-challenging. It’s like being caught in a maze with too many opening which the end is unseen. Often the uncertainty of what might happen is tougher to deal with emotionally even than a tragic news. Yeah, when you are emotionally disturbed, how can you be mentally challenged? On affects another. Then just forget about a clear decision or solution. Its like ..its like....its like that...

I'm not a strong person. So what I face? Uncertainty as I mentioned earlier can be disease, not for all but for some. This not-so-strong bunch can be this the victims. People like me get paralyzed not by stroke or accident but due to uncertainty. As we allow it to consume us and wrap up all of our thinking and energy.

When you realize that you are dealing with a life uncertainty, realize that you are going to be at war with it within your own mind. For the direction your mind thinks, so your emotions will follow! Typically, the mind becomes addicted with playing out all of the possible negative scenarios regarding the situation. This only makes you feel worse and more paralyzed and fearful of the future. So the brain is the culprit now! A crime by brain to its own possessor. Hmm I thought only humans backstab, now brains are up to this too??? Sheesh...

Overcoming? Well. I have not dealt with it for years, so how am I to come up with one now? For you I will try. Since brain is what confusing the situation, control your thinking. Don’t play that jigsaw puzzle in there! I mean don’t try one piece by piece. Piece?? I mean solution in this context..huhu *context*. Limit your options. When you have less options, you get less confused and the decision making deal becomes slightly lighter and easier for the brain. As such, you feel less stress. Well, about the consequences of the decisions, hmm don’t worry about it as its just another uncertainty entering through another automated door!!!!

Some say it seems like a harmony to live with uncertainty. All we have to do is , remind one another that the challenge of uncertainty is the gift of human freedom, so that we may rise from the paralysis of unknowing, rest easy in peace, and come at last to celebrate the mystery. Life is full of ups and down, whatever uncertainty brings you, its just LIFE! Where you want to run?? ( ok now I made the whole post pointless)

Running from life is NOT in the list of Options!
RaeN G