I have heard it many times, from a few friends, my own father and also people who don't have a clue about my real life that, 'I have everything'.
Do I really have it all?
Well I don't think so. Not to be ungrateful of what I have but I do feel my life lacks something.
My dad never fails remind me of the 'perfect' life i'm living and entitled to live ( hopefully) every time he thinks my self-esteem needs a little boost and the highlight being, I have a great 'career' awaiting which guarantees a good future.
But guess what, the only thing I feel my life lacks is passion and the reason being the same career my dad mentioned.
Deep inside, I've always sighed upon the fact that I didn't get to do what I really wanted to do. Frankly, it's too late and I'm fully conscious about it yet nothing wrong in reflecting right? So I proceed.
My dad knows very well he can never convince me to be happy with the present, he tries though ( still he is..). On the other side, I have given up. I gave up trying to seek a way to run back on time and change everything that took place, which I also deem impossible. Then I made up my mind to take away all options. I believed and still believe if no choice is given, one way becomes mandatory. That one move left me with only one safe road, which is to try to teach.
I didn't mention passion, I didn't say I will change my views on this profession but all I was willing to do is learn the job. Point blank, I will never like teaching young kids because it is VERY exhausting. You need to throw your voice so that the whole class could hear, you need to entertain silly questions, you need to work on your patience which will say goodbye and attempt to leave you even before a lesson ends and also the pressure from the management and parents. Wait, did I mention the teachers' grapevine? Yes it's just the non-classy version of office politics that will further deplete your energy and will to proceed.
Plus to know this deep and demand me to love teaching is hard and nearly impossible. But as I mentioned I agreed to convince myself to learn every single detail about it and by hook or by crook deceive students and people around me of my love towards this profession.
I don't have a choice nor I want to create one as they will call me a tomfool. Who would want to leave an easy-come and forever-there job which pays one well? Considering that I'm not making myself eligible for the title. And guess what, I discovered the good behind my decision.
My macro-teaching the other day marveled me and I really didn't expect that. If you were to say teaching kids from the last class is a tough job, getting a response and making the first class students laugh and enjoy and come out from their passive shell is equally hard. I tell you what, I succeeded the latter. In case you have been following my posts, you'd be able to notice how signs used to batter my belief system but this time though it's a good sign which boosts everything like a can of 'Revive' instead. Hence the key being, to never give up.
No matter how negative things appear to be, wait with much patience for the good things which are on their way to reach you. Today it may be hard, tomorrow it might be worse but don't judge the unseen future.
Remember, life will take you by surprises, sometimes the good ones and at times the bad ones pop out, it's ok. If you fall, dust it off, if you cheer, do it all loud!
Believe this is YOUR life, even the bitter most decisions you make today can bring sweet outcomes in the future if you are just willing to let loose and watch time mend even the once-impossible. It's all about positivity at the end of the day =)
The journey goes on.....
Renuka G
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