Waited and waiting

Some say waiting is such a sweet experience while the rest of the human race refrain from the heartache. I have waited for a couple of things in life and still am waiting for the rest in the wishlist. Waiting can be both sweet and painful but what keeps people going is the hope. The hope that someday somehow their pursuits will be entirely their own reality though the odds rather seem depressing.

We are driven by the beliefs we create to go another day looking at an empty space. We run faster than yesterday, we imagine the future to be closer, we beautify the pursuit and we enrich ourselves with optimism. Some make it to the finish line while the rest throw in the towel. There is also a pitiful crowd who surrender to the pain of the lost battle.

How long is it alright to wait? And what is actually worth waiting for? Isn't time more valuable than the hopes we ourselves create? We can surely answer all of this but can one not second guess himself after convincing the mind? 

It's tiresome to go days looking at an egg to hatch. It's painful to stare at a wound hoping it will heal someday. It's also blissful to think that all that may happen if we give our priceless time. What is life without sacrifices, right?

So wait. You may have travelled miles to unlock that one door, you may have missed a few amazing sights while getting there, you may be all by yourself,  but it's alright. Let the promises of what could be behind it move you. We win some we lose some, that's life. You need to invest in some risks to reap memorable experiences.

Wait and keep waiting. Good things come to those who ....?? Waste some time folks, it could later be the profit you made without even realising.

Renuka G

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Easy.

 I have stumbled upon many instances which left me confused of people and their decisions. At times I myself look back at my choices wondering why. Easy. The chosen option was easier than the rest, that's the answer. Most of the time we are tempted into taking the easy route to avoid many things we fear. We stubbornly insist on staying clear of further arguments, burning bridges, losing dignity and often times, resisting change that might occur. We rather take an illegal u-turn instead of a big round, simply because it's easy.

Is easy always right though?

Renuka G

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The embodiment

Can you recognize me? I am hiding behind every pause in your speech. I make you happy in the times I fail to explode your brain. You know you own me but, dare you admit? 

We have been like flesh and blood when the lights are off, why does the brightness of the world scare you away ? Are you trying to run? Or are you just hiding exactly where you know I would find you? Because you know I need you to be alive and more than that I know you need me for another moment of glory .

It's not mutualism, you are a parasite. One day you will annihilate me like I never existed, maybe today, this moment, the next second. Do I really exist now though? I don't know. Should it be my concern? Am I supposed to unravel the skeletons in your closet? 

But can you recognise me ?

You created me and you will destroy me. Meanwhile, you are holding every key to tune me, you dress me up, you accessorise me, you teach me words you want to hear, you show me the life you crave, and yet you stand in front of the mirror, alone. You never left a trace of me. You stole my reflection but nobody would ever know. 

I am the enemy you disguised. The existence which you solely built and will keep building that you despise and loathe secretly.

Can you recognise me now?

I'm your conscience. 

Renuka G

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The shoe mojo

All girls share a weakness or two. Some have their hearts beat for diamonds, some can't stand luxury brands while the rest for other things they covet. My ultimate weakness is for shoes. High heels, sandals, boots, stilettos, none are exempted. Everything under the family of shoes makes my heart skip a beat. Shoes excite me and at the same time troubles me in some ways.

It's complicated. As much as I go gaga over shopping for footwears, it irks me to find a perfect pair. The worst case scenario would be when you go against the grammar rules and define a few pairs as perfect leaving you to make a decision  that will force you to break up with some of the nominees. Goodbyes do hurt. So bad! If you are lucky though, you could take home a few boxes like it's your birthday! ( or like the boss is your man ?)

Shoes. A girl can never have enough shoes. I wonder who discovered that truth. It's a like an addiction you keep wanting more and more. They come in various styles, numerous colours and with a fat bank balance you can even design a special one for yourself or invest in those designer pairs which are just a swipe of a card away from being your possession. 

Donning a new pair of shoes brings the excitement similar to that of a girl on her first date. The anxiety if they would keep you comfy, whether it's ok to walk on rough surfaces at the same time not being able to resist the joy of finally showing the world the chosen one. The mixed feelings  which would leave you questioning your own self, can a pair of shoes does this much?

Well I can't make you feel how I have felt. I'm just desperate for a new pair of sandals and possibly boots. My sanity seems to be at stake searching for perfection, hence this nonsensical post.

That is that!

Good night!

Renuka G

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Chicken and calories

Lately I have been feeling like a sick chicken even though I'm nowhere close to a hike in temperature or a reduced appetite. Low haemoglobin count could be the culprit but I have decided to not bring that to the stand. A felon on lease always since, I'm too scared of visiting the doctor's office. Blame the medicinal smell! (Dear kids in any government schools please disregard  the previous just to save my rapport at all future encounters that may exist)

I specifically chose to describe myself as a sick chicken because I feel tired for no reason and chicken seems to be an animal that is both adorable and feeds me well in many ways. I love chickens, therefore it is an honour I gave myself via comparison.  

Being home and attempting to cook various dishes would make  me prone to weight gain on daily basis. Hence, this time once again I'm abiding by my fabfitfun (that's the name of a celebrity blog I stole) principle which makes exercising a daily routine. Prickly since it has been close to two months that I was busy pampering my body, it seems to rebel against the calorie burning efforts leaving me like a sick chicken right after a 15 secs-plank. Today I was even about to fall asleep on the mat! Geez!

Why am I complaining? 

Just so it sticks better to my brain as I  rewrote the  scenario. 

Quality workout is crucial because my meals seem to be the richest of quality and, generous of calories. I can't afford to lay on the floor or lay eggs on the yoga mat. If I don't sweat it out enough then I can live on smoothies for the rest of the month! 

Brain, you heard that? Happy? Or you still want that cheesy sphagetti?

Game face on!

Renuka G 

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Dignity on discount

Have you ever sensed how suddenly an item on sale becomes extra attractive? Just like that, I guess some things and people in our lives become or to be accurate, are made more appealing when the situation favours our demands. 

An ex whom you thought the worst person you have ever met, in desperate moments reincarnate into a shelter you rush in simply because you feel he would go with it. We incline towards going against our principles and choices we once made as soon as we hit rock bottom.

 Similar to an item on sale, we go crazy over things of old seasons only because the situation has dolled them up now. 

Does a sweater which was once the least you desired comfort you fine only because you could pay for it ? 

Do you treat things in life the same way?

Renuka G

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End of Degree

Five and a half years of journey and not dedicating a post to honour it would be a shame. 

They say everything starts with a dream. My life in IPGM though kicked off with lots of tears, disappointments, did severe damage to my self-esteem yet progressed somehow. Life begins at the end of one's comfort zone, couldn't agree more. Despite all that broke me and wound me, I survived. The credit definitely goes to the wonderful souls I met along the way. Some who sat beside me and listened, the rest who touched my life from a far distance. Thank you is not suffice to show how much I appreciate your kindness. 

There were phases so tormenting I came pass. The fact that I am calm enough today to recall them is just the power of time which turned things over. Nothing lasts forever is both a happy and sad phrase. In this case it is most certainly something I am smiling while writing it down. I don't know your story but this is mine. Speaking from my perspective, all that I am now is everything that happened to me. My past made me myself. Even though it was never in my dreams to teach, the five years were a journey of self-discovery of a kind. I have no grand confessions that my interests have changed, I love what I am doing, I can't wait to be working. No. I can't lie to myself. That is what I learnt.

For many years I lived that way. Lying to myself, giving myself excuses, refusing to accept what is right in front of my eyes, denying reality, trying to be someone I am not. But every single mistake gave me a lesson which I fortunately took as a voice from above. Instincts were a good companion I should say.  I didn't change because I wanted to, it was the call of circumstances that somehow made a huge impact on the person I am. It took me half a decade to finally discover my passion and build my dreams. Along the way I also picked up some great truths about people, relationships and the course of life in general. My story so far seem perfect with the flaws and damages because that is what it was meant to be like. And I am happy to  be holding the pen still.

This degree means so little compared to the experiences but it is of course the milestone which will bring me closer to my dreams. Yes I know what I want to do, like finally.

People sometimes have an unrealistic image of what life should be like and jumps into comparing theirs with the person beside them. It doesn't work that way. We all will achieve different things at different stages after different struggles and different experiences. Life begins when you believe that you too are entitled for success and happiness though not at this right moment, at the same level with someone else. Dream, believe in it, work hard and don't stop till you bask the fruits. That is what I learnt. Nothing beats a strong heart and mind. Once you get the perfect balance of both, you are on your way towards something great.

While some of my peers are celebrating, I am still positively outlining my route to success. I can't wait to make my dreams come true. I am happy what I did not enjoy showed me what I should be doing. Who knew, right?

Never underestimate the experiences life put you through, there's a reason behind everything that had happened. I am humbled and I am thankful. Having said that, I would like wish everyone in my life well and good luck in their future undertakings. You all made this possible.

Renuka G

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Le Memoire Night 2014

classic!

Just a few more pit-stops before I bid farewell to Terengganu. Whatever the future holds, I hope I will always have the most precious bunch of friends that I have found here by my side.

I can't exactly say if it was a rough road or a pleasant journey, but it was made better by all the people I met along the way. 

Without the experiences and lessons, I wouldn't have been who I am today. Thank you for the best moments and cheers to more!

With love,

Renuka G

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That extent

Oh lord, I can't believe this feeling. It all started with a dream. Not the one you sow within yourself and reap after years of hard work, it is the one you get when reality shuts off with your eyes. I had a dream, a dream like I was being chased. Way too much running, way too many people, in various places and I could not recall the reason. 

In the morning when I am all conscious, curiosity kicked in. Honestly speaking, I am not one of those superstitious bunch who hunts down the meaning behind dreams and the symbols in it. So it might come as a huge surprise if I were to say, the impossible actually took place. Oh boy, I goggled it!

Sorry cats, curiosity fortunately did not kill me, literally, but it sure did in a much harmless manner. Just in case you all did not already know, let me explain what running in a dream means. 

"To dream that you are running away from someone indicates an issue that you are trying to avoid. You are not taking or accepting responsibility for your actions."

So that was it. Two sentences pricking on me like a thorn since morning and even worse, I know exactly what the issues were. On a different note, it is pretty funny how some things can even find a way into your mind consequently, morphing into a dream. As my practical inner voice whispers, it might be purely coincidental. However, realizing resolving is better than keep running, I am going to take it as a sign. 

I have spent years running away from some feelings, fears and events. At times the fact that I love to escape some instances, it plagues me. Most people actually do not like to confront problems , instead they prefer to run some distance before doing so or flee right away the moment it starts. I am one of them. Ignorance is bliss, I faithfully believe that. The harsh truth though is, I am a coward. Those who flee mostly, in fact are .

Some nights I sit here wondering for how long I'm going to isolate some thoughts and problems just to stay in peace. Now I discovered peace is only for those who face their fears and address their problems, not for those who build walls and engage filters. 

Running is cool. It's like telling the world you do not care about whatever in the present or past . But what's the point of painting the cool portrait when reality mirrors a face with thousand worries? Something to ponder indeed. 

Renuka G

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Painting Rainbows

Life is getting exciting by day. Or maybe it has always been that way waiting for me to notice someday. Whatever it is, I am feeling it now, especially lately. 2014 being the final year of my degree programme the excitement seems to be of all sort. By excitement I do not signify all sweet and lovely things but everything that makes time a sprinter. It is as if you are chasing after the moon. It appears like it is moving with you and you keep running like an idiot,  nonstop. Oh yes I am an idiot! Life has been pretty thrilling leaving no space to stop thinking and I am kind of loving this experience.

It feels like just yesterday, sounds like a cliche uh? Nine months flew by so quickly that I could not recall how. Now that I open my eyes, I have an interview to give my best shot, final amendments to my action research report, exams and goodbye Terengganu. Wow! Even more amazing, how did five years went by?

While I am turning the pages of my life, I can see I am moving a step closer to a very new chapter. The chapter of being a teacher. The chapter full of responsibilities which will add more maturity as I flip through the pages. I am not sure if the end of the current swift exciting chapter would lead to joy or stress, but fingers-crossed.

Till this current moment , I have actively participated  in every decisions, twists and turns of my story. I loved watching myself grow. Recalling who I had been 5 years ago and who I am now, guess I am overjoyed with my current self. The experiences most certainly made me stronger, wiser and everything that I am now. I don't know how the next chapter would begin or end, but I just want to grow.

My principle is simple, be satisfied, be grateful but never settle. It is a great big world to explore with so much to experience, so much to be curious about, so much to learn and I know I won't be the same as time waves by. I believe everything had happened and will happen for a reason, so I am all prepared to be a sponge that absorbs good things and a sieve that filters everything insignificant.

Renuka G

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Switching off

I do not want to start a post with a sigh but I just did, I guess. It was just a few days ago I was grumbling about leaving some habits and today it is another one that got me all drenched in guilt. Guilt is a pain! Of a sort.
Social media can be a little addictive, isn't it?

Wait, that is a white lie! Social media is indeed addictive!

I am one of the pathetic addicts who is confessing to my sins, next should be you. I know you know. While they say there are numerous healthy ways to start one's day, I pick to scroll down facebook newsfeed and instagram. While they say it is good to read a book before you fall asleep, I read all the online magazines only because it is free. Actually the last one should be forgiven because printed mags are not for my monthly budget.

Lately I am guilt-tripped by my own thinking. What if someday, I lose all access to the social media? What if the entire online library require a payment? What if I lose my phone? What if there's no electricity for an entire year? Should I just bury myself alive then?

Addiction to internet is very common lately and the number of addicts are growing in number within seconds. We seem like slaves to the social media who don't even bother to have lunch together without constantly checking who updated what. Our lives revolve around our electronic gadgets basically when the true purpose of these machines is to make communication easier. In recent days though, we only communicate with them. Some of us are slowly blending into the socially awkward bunch who feels satisfied as long as they have access to the wi-fi in public places and not bother if only aliens reside there.

I do understand how the society including myself is driven by curiosity and 'thirst for knowledge', but there should be a limit. If we prioritize social medias and what is on the internet, we would someday lose precious moments like laughing together while sharing our meals and run out of memories of  the times we have a heart-to-heart conversation with a loved one while looking into each others' eyes. Is that okay with you? I feel disturbed.

Even though I love surfing the net, I prefer cruising with a bunch of lovely friends while enjoying the simple pleasures life offers. As the first baby step to reduce gloating over the numerous webpages which keeps my day going, I am picking up a book, literally a book with printed-pages to read. At least this way I would have an hour or two away from my laptop. My phone? Hmm will figure that one later.

Good luck curing your addiction!
Renuka G

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23rd and moving on

Old habits die hard. The habits that we pick up at some point of time once fossilized within us won't leave us. Just like a tattoo, we take them everywhere we go, for as long as we live. I think I am not alone. We all have at least one habit that irks  us so much but has become a rock that won't budge from our daily lives. Be it a common nail-biting routine or an embarrassing stalking-the-past agenda, we all had at some moment got sick of it and became determined to quit though it never was the reality the next moment.

Since I have just turned 23 officially, I am here to talk about habits, habits that I want to wrap up and dispose before they could define me. As we grow, our curiosity grows with us. I guess. The sudden need for details and explanations and justifications drive us crazy. After-all we are all humans chasing behind the truth. To satisfy ourselves, we often develop some silly habits that mounts to nothing but more heartache and mental-torture. Yes I just wrote mental-'torture', you read it right!

Making a guess, we humans like to calculate our losses and gains in some ways just to balance the equation or even better feel good about the gains. If we find out that a person who rejected us having a tough time, we feel like a thousand dollar deposited into our account. Something like that. But the truth being, there is no explicit gain for any party in this situation. The next day we are all going to move on with our work and the silly habit of stalking become a small dessert during lunch. And that was just an example.

My point is simple, I think the ugliest habits most people especially girls suffer from is stalking. The root of the cause being their inability to let go. In my life, as years passed I did let go of some things and people. However, as new people walk out the door, the curiosity kicks in again. I do not wish to be curios of people and their behaviour anymore. In fact I am embarrassed of this habit. The other day someone wise advised me to not do or see things that will hurt myself. It was indeed eye-opening. I owe it all to that person.

I think it is about time I focus on my future. I have so much ahead of me. Having a degree won't do my ambition any justice. I am far behind I should say. Masters would be a long hectic journey, pursuing my passion for baking and make-up would be another. Then I want to travel around the world, then I want to this, I want to do that. I do not want some ugly habits to crack me and slow me down because everything somehow will bruise your self-esteem and that definitely makes a huge difference. Don't think it is fair to put my dreams at stake for some silly loss-gain balance.

Apart from all the seriousness, I had an awesome birthday. Thank you to my dad who has always been sweet, for that person who called and wished at 12, my sister and my sisters in IPG who made my day extra special. God I am gonna leave Terengganu with so much good memories and a handful of great friends!

Renuka G

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Beauty I say..

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, I could not agree more. Beauty is something very subjective and I will never find the perfect definition for the word but I would let you know my take on it. Some people believe inner beauty compliments the physical looks. Some claim beauty to be solely judged on either one, mostly agreeing that to be physical looks. I think we have passed those times where we measure beauty by the fullness of the lips and sharpness of the nose and how defined the curls and curves are. Physical looks just soothes the eyes, not your ears or your mind.

Not to offend the drop-dead-beautiful-looking girls out there, you girls are perfect in a way. In my reality though, I  feel what one's looks like is a bonus to one's personality. Simply put, inner beauty before the outer. I have been called ugly, fat and more absurd things in my life, I do not care if it is true. My point is, of all the people I have met the wonderful bunch are not beauty queens or girls who could get ten winks only by  swaying their hair.

As much as I want to condemn some men for selecting partner by their looks, I think the choice is personal. If you prefer to live with a high-heeled mannequin, that is your decision. But my heart goes out to man who sees a girl inside-out. To live with a good face and good mind and good heart are three completely different things. If you ask me, a good mind and heart would walk you a lifetime while the skin sags and the hair greys as time eats you up.

I have heard some ridiculous remarks like physical beauty would give one beautiful kids, cannot be changed, get everybody's attention etc etc. Like, give me second! It is a simple comparison to an orange. As much as it looks good to eat a sliced-orange with the skin-on compared to a peeled one, somehow the skin is not going into your system. Once again, it soothes your eyes but somehow at some point it serves no purpose.

Well, point blank I do understand nobody wants to spend their entire lives looking at something so dull and less pretty. Trust me, we all want a little glow. However, inner beauty without a doubt is the priority! Others are bonus. Just like a good book with a well-illustrated cover, the person you are should overpower youself more than your gorgeous hair and hour-glass curves (which is the ultimate stereotype surely), and that is the real deal!

With that said, I would like to give a big hug and wish a rain of glitters for the girls and ladies and women who are balancing the equation right and for the wise men who own them! Kindly accept this sugar-sprinkled doughnut :D

Nothing beats a smile uh though it looks so retard-like?!

Renuka G

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Sunshine and Rainbows

I don't think you need thousand moments to tell you if you are happy and a thousand and one more to tell if you are a sad soul. All we actually need is to count our blessings. Sometimes we expect too much from people but we fail to realize they have their moods and rough days too. We think life is a straight line build with tons of roses and all sweet things but we miss the roughness of the surface underneath.

Count your blessings.

If yesterday meant something, it sure did. Somehow someday it might repeat, who knows? If today was tough, that's alright, tomorrow it will be past already. Be happy ! It is all in the mind. Smiles are prettier than a frown and nothing compares a good laugh at the end of any day of your life.

There is just so much to be thankful for. Never brood around sadness or self-pity too much, it might become a habit. Happy pills are addictive, blessings are wonderful. So remember,you are your choices!

Life is good for me, how about you?

Renuka G

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The journey continues..

People are defined by their journey. It's
not always who you are that matters but what you have become. How the highs and lows of life changed you. Are you progressing to be someone better than who you were yesterday or you let the world take the remote control to dictate your moves ? Sometimes it's just the journey. The journey in which we weigh our choices, make decisions and do what we truly feel we should be doing. 

I think as time flies by we no longer identify how we looked like ten years ago. We glance through an old photograph thinking am I that person? But at least we have something concrete to remind us. How about the things we have done ? Along our journey the choices we have made might be a blind one ruled by momentary emotions, can we fix them? It might have changed us in some ways , might have brought us to a couple of dead ends and this sole moment is the reflection of everything. Trust me, we are all that we have been through, we are all that we did and we are the authors of people's views and also our own perspective of who we genuinely are inside-out.

The journey is like our body parts, it clings to us. You cannot change your past or rewrite your story. You are your journey. Someday you will look back at the roads you have been through and rivers you have crossed thinking, god, I'm thankful of what I have become. For that, map your journey with the goods and most satisfying choices. Life is the journey, we are the travelers. Plan wisely, take risks yet be kind along the way, embrace the mystery and most of all, enjoy the surprises. 

Renuka G

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Yummy means sweet

I don't know if it is just me or the world, probably just me, who cannot resist sweet stuffs. Be it a tiny bite of the silky melting milk chocolate or a mouthful of sponge cake frosted generously with a smooth buttercream layer, I will be up for it. I love desserts and I do not trust those who says 'No' for them! Yes, I'm a judgmental person of a kind . Come on, it's desserts! 

Probably because my weakness is as such that I have grown too fond of baking and making sweet stuffs. Whenever I come home for holidays, all that is in my mind is the numerous recipes I am dying to try out. So far I have done like dozens and counting. Thanks to my family for always being the awesome and honest critics. For me it's simple pleasure and sheer passion to work with ingredients and food. I have always been curious my entire life so, the science behind things I taste intrigues me .

I hope someday I can learn and master what I am doing by the mercy of google and the cook books the right way, who knows, professionally maybe. I believe dreams are always alive as long as we keep fueling them. I am lucky as far as my career is concerned in some ways particularly in the aspects of time to learn new things. So why not?

Now though my thoughts are all about making a pavlova tomorrow, chocolate chip cookies the next day and finally the red velvet cake on Friday ! 

Sweet lord thank you for all the sweet things !

Renuka G

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The go-to strategy

I had been busy for a couple of months in which I felt nothing but stress. The simplicity of my thoughts and the tamed curiosity held me so close to my responsibilities at hand. Had I not enjoyed those moments?  It was like dating loneliness so deeply that I even desire to take it home with me. Now that the tasks at hand are framed aside, thoughts are wandering, literally everywhere!

I know this means trouble. The return of the whys and why-nots are messing with my head and hey, you two are not welcomed! This is real, my thoughts just unlocked themselves and they seem to be enjoying the limitless space they could occupy while I sit here ranting about the tragedy.

Sometime ago I decided to not commit into a relationship and, be comfortable with the love that I'm blessed with from the people who are already in  my life. Well, so far I had not lost the battle. But you know thoughts, they can be extremely annoying and persuasive in convincing you something is wrong and something is lacking. It is like a mosquito bite-situation. You scratch, you are bruised, you resist, head explodes! Similarly, thoughts are messing with my self-control like a boss as I sit on ehow figuring how to make a padlock to keep my self-control intact. Just shoot me now!

I wonder how they do it :p

Reality check, self-control requires some positive thoughts to counter attack the frenzy thoughts. Here comes the role of ambitions! I do not know about the world population and their views but for me, ambitions are to be fulfilled prior big commitments like marriage especially. So why should I rush? Don't I have too much time to wait for Prince charming? Plus, loneliness seem to get along pretty well with me, judging based on its hesitance to leave me of course. Again, why rush?

my life is colourful still, so why bother ?!! :D

My principle of life is pretty simple. I do not care about fame and recognition, I just want to learn. Learn about everything that mesmerizes me, tickles my curiosity and interests me. Commitments may not stop me from learning, but it does change some things. Call me selfish, I don't think it is risk worth thinking.

Let the random thoughts use up its last bullet, I will be holding tight to my passion and ambitions. My heart is safe in a space surrounded with positivity and just enough ego to keep me going.

Renuka G

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Just live!

I no longer believe life has to be fair what-so-ever. It happens to every single one of us. We cannot resist nor demand reasons behind things that takes place. It is the way it goes. Sometimes it's like a cool breeze ,at times it's a bad storm. Embrace it either way. Put behind those raging emotions and curiosity, just let it happen to you. You will be thankful someday for all the experiences.

I'm thankful for everything that I have been through

Life does not have to be fair always. If you want to grow, learn to accept that fact. Keep walking, no matter what happens, keep going. Nothing is worth stopping for. Life is too short for pauses, I guess. And life is too precious that you can't weigh its fairness on a lever.

Enjoy the mystery, ignore the what-ifs, don't look to the right, don't look to the left, just live! You know you are AMAZING!

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Mother's Day

Words were never suffice to describe a mother . As much as that might sound like a cliché, don’t be in denial, it is most certainly one!Heee.

 It hit me just today that I have never written a post about mother’s day or my mother but have surprisingly shelved countless number of posts about my dad. She’s like the mysterious soul wishing me well behind the curtains.  Omit  the ‘like’, she is indeed and will always be. So today it would be about mothers.

Relationships are complicated, be it blood- ties or a stranger you just meet. They have ups and downs, tons and tons of misunderstandings, happy times and rocky times and some indescribable situations in which we wonder how complex humans could be. At the end of the day, it’s your call whether to burn the bridge or nurse the wounds. But some ties can never be broken, some bridges are impossible to burn. One would definitely be the relationship between you and your mother.

Shall I put it this way, people will throw stones at a full fruited tree, but the tree never surrendered to that. For it, it isn’t a big deal, the tree will still keep fruiting. It will give the best it could and let you bask its fruits anyway, even though it means  bearing another few stones hurting it. A mother is like a tree, a big tree which shades her children, attends to their needs even if it has to bear a little pain (or at times a lot of it), so magnificent that it withstands the unpredictable storms and rains for as long as it could.  Some of us on the other end are still the foolish crowd who are hurting the tree  consciously or unconsciously thinking it will always be there to shade and to feed us regardless of circumstances. Try to look closer, the tree is aging!

I think this is a reminder to my own self and others out there too. If we let the past disputes and anger rule us, we will only have an old chair, tears and lots of regrets somewhere in the future. Is our pride mightier than the hands which nurtured us? Think about it.

Tomorrow might not be pretty as those golden days. Scars do change a relationship forever, I agree. But let’s just set our egos aside and accept that we are all equally flawed though in different ways. If the many years in this world haven’t taught you the beauty of forgiving and forgetting, you could be alien! :p

Before I end, here goes my belated Mother ’s Day wish to all the mothers in the world including mine! May you be blessed with love, care and a beautiful life just like your pretty little heart!

Renuka G

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Closure of the third

My return to this blog marks the end of my final practicum! God it feels so good . After 3 months of physical and emotional strain, I made it to the finish line. Honestly I feel very proud of myself as throughout the whole process I was conscious enough to sense the challenges and tough times I came pass. Now it's like a big burden lifted off from my shoulders. 

The one thing I learnt would be, if you are crazy about getting something and you work for it, it will be yours. Previously in my life I have seen the negative side of craziness conquering all , this time though the scene is in a positive setting with a much much more positive ending. For that I have to definitely thank my year 4 pupils who turned my tears into a triumphant smile by the end of my practicum. It was indeed an eye opening experience full of valuable lessons. I often had the perspective that class control is all about being stern and shouting and putting up a Chucky face yada yada. Not anymore.

People, be it kids or adults can't be kept in your grip by simply playing the who's-in-control game. It won't be long till you realize you are basically interacting with a piece of wall. What I used to get the kids to cooperate was crafts. Pupils in the weak class can't sit still and listen to you doing the monologue, they rather take walk looking for goats and cows. The only choice you have is to integrate something that interests them and relate it to the content. That was how I taught science after shedding tears for a month trying to figure out what was wrong. I used to hate this class but at last they grew so close to me that I started to love teaching them so much. Thank you kids!

Speaking of life in general, I made peace with myself that everything happened and happens for a reason, good reasons mostly. And even more important, I realized the world is a free place to make individual choices and decisions. There is no need to worry about people who don't care about you, there is no need to know the truth behind every happenings, there is no need to entertain everyone who wants to get to you, there is no need be friends with everyone, there is no need to tail the beliefs and norms of a culture which does not fit you, there's just no need to be copy cats. You are free, create your own rules and be happy living by those principles.

coffee, watching the new beginning unfolds :D

If you fall, it will be your ground and if you rise, let it be your sky! *fairy-dust to all*

Love,

Renuka G 

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