The thing about myself is I don’t know what I want, I don’t know what I need. That is the main reason why I have to stay under the shade of my father for nearly everything. Well, don’t perceive it as a negative statement because I don’t mean it that way. Its certainly something good to have your parents around to guide and help you make decisions. What I am frustrated about is not that. I’m hating completely the disability I have to decide on things in life. I don’t even know. I have my own views of course but at times..sorry..most of the time it sounds like “ is that a view?” thinking overnight on the pros and cons of the possibilities and situation is not what I tend to do. My decisions are quick and hasty, Which gives me a cross instead of a tick all the while.
I had a choice of going for it or not doing anything about it. the problem about “going for it” is the outcome. I might be a yes or no. When the ratio of yes is 3:10+, which for me seem like 1:10+ I choose the second option I stated previously. Guess how I made my mind?? I was thinking about this 1 thing for weeks, even asked my dad about it. bearing in mind, dads are positive bunch of people, he suggested and insisted and stuffed on me the 1st option. Ending the conversation with “ up to you”, when its obvious that “ you do it”. I know my dad, he knows what is the best for me as for 18 years + he is serving me with the “best” dish. I owe him a lot for that. Well, hitting back to main stream, hmm outcome. What if its a no? I hate to be rejected. I never had experienced this! Frankly speaking, NEVER!! I hate the word NO uttered by others. As for me, the second outcome is so horrifying that it set my mind automatically to hit the cancel button. Yup, cancel this whole so-called opportunity that knocked everyone’s door!
Ok now about what I get? Frankly, nothing! Its just that I wasted 7 days 6 nights + thinking about something worthless. Even if I grab the whole opportunity what-so-ever and manage to pull through, its nearly the same. I would rather do it here. Peaceful...
RaeN G
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