The tHinG Is...

The thing about myself is I don’t know what I want, I don’t know what  I need. That is the main reason why I have to stay under the shade of my father for nearly everything. Well, don’t perceive it as a negative statement because I don’t mean it that way. Its certainly something good to have your parents around to guide and help you make decisions. What I am frustrated about is not that. I’m hating completely the disability I have to decide on things in life. I don’t even know. I have my own views  of course but at times..sorry..most of the time it sounds like “ is that a view?”  thinking overnight on the pros and cons of the possibilities and situation is not what I tend to do. My decisions are quick and hasty,  Which gives me a cross instead of a tick all the while.

I had a choice of going for it or not doing anything about it. the problem about “going for it” is the outcome. I might be a yes or no. When the ratio of yes is 3:10+, which for me seem like 1:10+ I choose the second option I stated previously. Guess how I made my mind?? I was thinking about this 1 thing for weeks, even asked my dad about it. bearing in mind, dads are positive bunch of people,  he suggested and insisted and stuffed on me the 1^st option. Ending the conversation with “ up to you”, when its obvious that “ you do it”. I know my dad, he knows what is the best for me as for 18 years + he is serving me with the “best” dish. I owe him a lot for that. Well, hitting back to main stream, hmm outcome. What if its a no? I hate to be rejected. I never had experienced this! Frankly speaking, NEVER!! I hate  the word NO uttered by others.  As for me, the second outcome is so horrifying that it set my mind automatically to hit the cancel button. Yup, cancel this whole so-called opportunity that knocked everyone’s door!  

Ok now about what I get? Frankly, nothing! Its just that I wasted 7 days 6 nights + thinking about something worthless. Even if I grab the whole opportunity what-so-ever and manage to pull through, its nearly the same.  I would rather do it here. Peaceful...

 Off Now

RaeN G

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WorTh It....

PATIENCE.. Yup patience is the essence of life. This is what I learnt long ago but failed to implement in a long time. We don’t practise what we preach all the time don’t we? I’m not an exception. I tripped so many times due to this; i mean patience, lack of patience. If i were to say that i don’t have it at all then it is eventually a lie. We all are patient bunch you see. The thing is that it doesn’t come all the time. When it happens it happens..Sometimes we stay patient but in our mind we have killed the person 10 times! Its like we pretend..Which is honestly obviously hard! I’m not here to teach on how to be patient..naaaahhhh... I just wanna explain why being patient is a “yes” thing.

Relationships..no one can ever say NO..Patience is crucial in maintaining and sustaining a relationship..Whether it’s between family, friends or the one special person in your life..we fight for no reasons, we get to curious to know things , we demand too much..These are the random things we fight about, we argue about..When you glance back at it, patience is what stirred it all, crashed it into pieces and broke your trust, hope and love..Acting hastily drives our lives into a chain of disasters. Who drove? We did...so yes, patience plays a vital role...it is like spread for the bread, relationship and patience ;-)

Next, we don’t go in search of things. When something is yours then it will be eventually yours. People don’t wait nowadays. They want everything like 3 in 1s! Quick! Here comes blunder! You deserve something better but just because you want it at instant, you end up with “moderate”.. at times there is U turn available, what if there is NONE ? then do prepare yourself to indulge in tears and regrets. Not because of anything but because you choose to..for the moment you remember your friend “patience”...then you start back from square one.. we are all humans you see..

Living without patience is not hard but its harsh. We lose things for no reason, own mistakes..we spend 24 hours, 7 days to think what transpired, why it happened; when the answer is just as easy as getting angry, PATIENCE! So ya why don’t try being patience? Save yourself some energy and tears..

A handful of patience is worth a bushel of brains!

All The Best pals....

RaeN G

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what else can i say...

People say opportunity knocks once..well, that is the case if the opportunity is there..refusal, undone, acceptance when it comes..Where i went wrong? I grabbed what came my way and i find no reason why i should stand up for things that didn’t cross my path. Opportunity didn’t knock my door but knocked me out. How am i supposed to react? Well, lets make it general..how do you feel  when you deserve something but it just don’t reach you at all?? It is not a mistake that crippled me...it is the opportunity that passed me by like a wind...A touch but not a grab.. its life, what else can i say...

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I juST wAnNa Be HAPPy...

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can’t have everything

Don’t you take chances
You might feel the pain
Don’t you love in vain
’cause love won’t set you free

I can’t stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what it I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I just trying to be happy
I just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly
Just can’t let go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear

But all these days
They feel like they’re they’re same
Just different faces
Different place
Get me out of here

I can’t stand by the side
Ooh, no
And watch this life pass me by
Pass me by

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge?
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I’m just trying to be happy

Oh, happy
Oh

So when it turns that I can see???
This rope??
Victim??
Don’t say anything

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge?
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I just wanna be happy
Happy
I just wanna be
Oh
I just wanna be
Happy.

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TrUSt FadEs HopE

step by step, bit by bit i am being crashed...its not a good start, that i can see..well, who can predict life..when things have to shatter they will..there is no such thing as erasing or corrections, we are not the author of people's choices and intentions..i have been myself even till this moment..deep inside i know i am not a bad person..i don't serve people the "evil" dish..i do what i want but i won't harm others..if i do, i know how to apologize or make up to them...when people turn out to misinterpret things or wish me to be like the puppet made by  them then all i say is "sorry"...

i am not here enjoying..i am suffering! with a lot of things..when i look around, everything seems so wrong..imagine how i feel?? and is this the right time for all this? people throw someone out of their live because they ruin theirs..what did i do? i am sometimes sarcastic, i voice out what i feel wrong..if you were to take opinions soo seriously then i don't know what am i supposed to say...it hurts even more when the person is the one who understands and had been with you for long..you know me don't you??  well, i do realize another thing as well...you don't mind when someone hurts you just in the same way, but when its me you have to react..i  don't understand..are you trying to point out something here?

too many things taking place, everything have this one thing in common. TRUST! well, what is trust? i am lost in finding its meaning..why? because i just cant trust anyone..when there is no trust, the other  thing will eventually fade..what is it?? HOPE...yup i am here standing on my own without any hope in my heart and trust for no one...not the 1st time though...i don't know, its like a FULL STOP, not because situations are too harsh, but it is because the time is as such..heading down the circle of life, i am clueless about the solution..whatever happens happens..

why can't all this just be a dream.......

GoOdBye..

RaeN G

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One StEp Down..

my own emotions are killing me ...as usual i don't know what to do...here i am wondering what am i gonna do with my life..i used to be happier, way happy than what i am now..its like i'm transforming back to the passive person i used to be last year..i'm not loving this change. if i were to let this conquer myself than eventually it will push me further down to the ground.

realizing the fact that others can't help or co-operate in changing the situation, i am acting. it hurts to see yourself suffering everyday while the other party can just be happy and move on.. well, i'm not 100% confident with this fact, assumption as usual..but there is of course a "maybe" there..when you truly love someone, you would anything to see them happy. what is happening now is the right opposite..i begged soo many times, i explained how not happy i am nowadays, but you didn't at all take that into concern.. you really did love me??? i don't know...but i love you, even till dz moment..i just feel it is not reciprocated..this doesn't mean that i am giving up and stop loving you..you always hold a special place in my heart..always will..i don't wanna disturb you..be happy, if you find someone better ,certainly its your individual decision..i prefer keeping my feeling and "anguish" to myself...you have gone too far, what can i do... helpless.... take care love...

HeART BrEaK <3

RaeN G

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