Wednesday, January 22, 2014


I have heard of people going on a journey of self-discovery and coming back confused still. I'm different though. I know too much. I know too much about my own self that my inner soul dies to shoot me every time I expose that profound knowledge . Anyone on the same boat?  I can recognize my weakness and strengths, my positive side and the little devil within me, also my ego which measures bigger than my head. YES I just admitted that, stop rubbing your eyes.

I wish I hadn't known this much. It's like committing a crime consciously. It's like making a mistake fully realizing it is one. I can't put it any simpler, unless you are a kid!

The one bad thing about the mentioned is, your instincts telling you what's next. I can predict my actions and it gets creepy over the time. It's like a cliche. Every situation is a no-brainer for I know how I will react to it. It can be so accurate that sometimes I wish I could stop the obvious. More often than a not, I ignore it. You feel me?  Perhaps it is my plain belief of self-discovery being, knowing who you are and accepting fully the outcome. So obviously I'm not innocent. 

Knowing and accepting is a far concept from changing and preventing. I have known and accepted the negative and positive sides of myself, like a boss. However, as far as the other two are concerned, I'm helpless. Or maybe I choose not to help myself. Hey, I am no saint, and I don't fancy being one. The world is no place for the purest of hearts and cleanest of minds. If you think it is, perhaps you are delusional or in denial. You need help, so go to mommy! Plus, it's always better to stand in between two extremes. There's no need to be too good or too cruel. Hence, I feel some emotions are better shown and revealed without guilt. Even though I can't control the aftereffect.

You can call me wrong, you can say I'm ugly and speak everything you wish about my opinions but it doesn't matter. It feels ok for me. I don't wish to sugarcoat the reality of life. My words speak the truth I have learnt, which I assume is valid from my perspective. Too good could land you in a 'too bad'-situation. Agree?

Keeping everything aside, let's just admit this one thing, we all claim we know what is right and what is wrong, so how did the world became so polluted of broken hearts and hurtful words? 

Of course I can't blame the cat sleeping on my shoe shelf, isn't it? It's us! Humans! I don't know what had happened to the world, including myself that I feel mistakes are in the recent times done rather consciously than unconsciously. Perhaps our morals are descending with the drastically increasing amount of stress of the ever-busy world. We don't mind hurting because we have been hurt. We are trying so hard to make the unfair life fair and equalize everyone else's equations like it's at all possible. I know I'm failing, hope you will realize it too. But will we ever stop trying? That's a point to ponder!

(God, I wish I hadn't known this much. Shoot me please! )

Renuka G