The 'S' Word =s

'FAKE' studying

OMG i got damn stressed thinking about exams!!! and tomorrow is the 1st paper, LDS. this is so crazy, feeling like standing on the edge of an active volcano!!!  i was studying, studying, then ended up watching videos on youtube, later once again i started with the same routine and ended up capturing pics!! STRESS...

If i fail then this the prove that i 'studied'

ok fine, enough of that! i gotta get back to my studying business. core paper, grammar some more tomorrow.

Go! Go! Fighting Renuka!!!

Go! Go! Fighting TESLians!!!

RNziOUs

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1.5= 10 ( P3rF3cT0 )

Final Exam??  Not stating the end of the journey but a kick start to a new one. Yeah in two weeks time I will be  DONE with foundation programme. Next year, OMG I'm going to sparkle as a undergraduate of  B.ed TESL (Hons) . Time flies, it seems like I just came to Terengganu but 1.5 years had passed and so many things had taken place. Dramas, break-ups, lost friendships, struggles in adapting yada yada. But yea I'm a better person, I'm independent and I'm stronger all because of this one place that moulded me so much and will keep moulding me in years to come. Can’t wait to step back to this IPG as a degree student. I will just be 19 when I get into my degree programme=D All I got to do is study and pass this final exam. I won’t deny that I'm freaking nervous, even though the quest is to pass only it still gives me that weird feeling in my stomach. Hmm hope everything will turn out well. I SWEAR I don’t wanna receive any phone calls from IPG asking me to re-sit any papers!!!!! Damn scary man!!! 

the 1 one wish = 1 coloured finger

Actually I wanna make this confession for a long time, let me fulfil it this time. Deep in my heart I seriously heart Terengganu so much. But of course not as much as I love kluang!!! I don’t know why, I just love this jungle I am in. Its a pleasant jungle. I got few friends that I know will never let me down, I got peace here ( without me messing up the situation by meeting any random guys on FB =s sheesh regrets..) I love this college way more than INTI. This place showed my both the good and bad side of people. What is it like to be in a long distance relationship, how does it feel to be so close yet so far from your family, how to look so ugly yet beautiful or vice versa. In short, A LOT!!! Lessons about love, friendship, family..

I feel like I went through a journey on a roller coaster which took me up and down and again the up and down. But the moment the journey ends, RENUKA is finally a better girl. I'm proud of myself for having the courage to accept things and move on instead of holding grudges and hating people. Maybe it is the way I had been brought up. This rocky journey didn’t shake the good side of me at all. I'm still the same, and will always be the same good lil daddy’s girl who loves to be crazy.

Ain't gonna be a LOSER !!

Regrets?? Hmm  honestly admitting I do regret some things I did against the will of my parents. I really do feel bad about it. I wasted my love and care for someone who thrashed everything even when he was still in the relationship. The person  Who put me through the worst days and nights alone. But thanks to him, I realize the difference between reality and illusion. I'm happy that I have got nothing to hide anymore and i found the stars of my life. 

Life is a series of journey, no matter how rocky a journey gets, when  you get off each its a new YOU that shines. 

Life is only beautiful with FLAWS but flaws doesn’t make life.  Great paradox to be understood

RNziOus

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20 days is ENOUGH..

Let me laugh first! Hahahahaxx.. wondering why?? Well, its like this, my best friend came to me today just to tell that ‘he’ had moved on with another girl!!!! Hahahaxx my quick response was something like this, ‘he moved on so what?’ Yup, people think I'm still stressed about my past relationship, but the truth is I'm not. I set my priorities right and I am somewhat smart. I got my exams around the corner and I have got no time to mourn over dramas that are happening! I'm imagining myself as a degree student next year, not as someone’s sweetheart or what-so-ever you call it as, plus I'm not a fool to get cheated over and over again..leerrrghhh ..

No more tears

I truly admit that I am an emotional person,  I cry a lot, well after the break up I cried like shit honestly.. I cried like I don’t wanna cry anymore. That was enough to just erase the memories.  We were not meant to be together. He changing for me, me changing for him, na-ah-ah. Not gonna work and I'm not gonna oblige so does he! Whether he wants to move on, get married, get ditched it’s none of my business. Throughout the relationship, I was always there for him and finally he showed me the door out and yea I walked out. I will never look back. Friendship was an option I had, but I thought its just gonna hurt me to even have any sort of relationship with him. I'm DONE! Its OVER. I don’t mind, so him moving on is not and will never be a big deal. Move on , be happy, all the very best thats all. I don’t believe in hating people nor holding grudges because yea this is me. I let go of things, I forgive and chapter closed (full stop)

I still remember what I told him after the break up, ‘ thank you for teaching me such a great lesson in life’!  wondering what lesson it is?? SECRET SSSSsssshhhh....hahaxxx next time I will tell =D One lesson that I will remember a lifetime....

 peepz, How much can love hurt one??~~ When the love itself is temporary , can it hurt permanently?? 

RnZiouS

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Some daY

Once someone told me it’s not the easy sailing that will make you what you wish to be. Now there are 2 ways either quit wishing to become a wiser person or learn sailing through the stormy weather. I chose the latter and I don’t consider going back on my words or thoughts hence sticking to my now! I don’t want sympathy neither do I want to sail easy. The true test of character is now, today, this moment! And I am ready to face the challenges, face the world, and face the obstacles.

If you think life has to resist change as you and I do it or intend to do it at various intervals  then keep dreaming because life wouldn’t follow your set paths. Today or tomorrow change will bump into each one of us. It bumped into me now and I am welcoming it whole heartedly because it can get hard on me if I try resisting! Understand, accept, move on, and don’t stop! This is all you want… all you need... And all that will matter some day… one day!

RnZioUS

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iLLuSioN Vs ReaLity

I don’t know why human beings are tuned by default to opt for happiness and maintain a happy disposition. Why is it so necessary to be happy? Why are we required to choose pleasure instead of pain? Honestly speaking, pleasure is so temporary and brief that it can’t be trusted. Pleasure and happiness makes you dependent on it, you are composed and poised just till the time you possess the means which are the provider of sufficient happiness. In other words, you don’t have any control, all the control is with that medium or person who provides you happiness. You on the other hand are descending to the lowest abyss to trade in happiness for yourself. It’s almost like surviving on somebody else’s living. How pathetic, and all that for something they call ‘happiness’, I don’t think it’s worth the buy. Firstly its pure selfishness, second it’s too dependent, thirdly it’s temporary hence hurtful. So basically people who opt for happiness - although at someone else’s expense - also get to meet pain on their way. So let me get this straight, when you run after someone who makes you happy, you are doing the following:

1. Being too selfish about what you want, and your own happiness.
2. Living on somebody else’s kindness.
3. Making yourself miserable by giving out your love (because that makes you happy) to someone who doesn’t require it.

One sided relationships are like this. You run after and chase those people who make you happy. You get excited, you want to do everything for them, with them, to them, and you want to share everything you have with them, everything you do with them, everything you feel with them. And in all that, you fail to consider that the person you are chasing is not interested, so your excitements can irritate them, your dreams are a burden they don’t wish to carry (and should not carry), your chase annoys them, and the only reason they are resisting their urge to put you off is because they have innate tendencies to remain kind. They don’t want suffering for you (or anybody else in the world), so they are being as selfless as it’s in their power to be, they are being tolerant and patient with you because they are happy that they can help someone from being miserable, what pure acts of altruism, and on the other hand, what is that person declaring his love doing? Involving in utter selfishness! however, there are also possibilities of it to be the other way round.People who cut their wrists because they love someone who doesnt love back are the lamest people on earth because their love is not needed, if they are offering it, too bad, but it’s not required and it’s NOT that other person’s fault. All i got to say is GET A LIFE!

This post is for those people... people who give their love to someone because that person makes them happy. I need to tell these people to stop it right away. One sided love is a synonym to being selfish. I ask you, oh people, to stop trying too hard to make yourself happy. Happiness is an illusion, pain is reality, once you accept it, you will find it easier, to live alone, and not be dependent on someone else’s kindness. Being lonely is not that hard. I beg you, oh selfish people, to let go of those kind people whom you care about, because that is best for them and you. Love is for two hearts that yearns for each other ,not tolerates with one another.

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self, so therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility.” - Khalil Jibran

 RnZiOus

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Th3y Do whAt Th3Y wAnT, Th3y GeT whAt Th3y wAnt

In this 19 years on life, I learnt a lot. But I won’t deny that most of times I failed to learn the lessons life thought me. Let me share 1 thing that I finally decided to ‘learn’. Yup it is people’s attitude on staying firm with what they want. When they want something they get it, get it their way, stay firm with it and nothing in the world could ever shake their decisions. Not everyone around me showed me this truth, but some, most of them perhaps. I don’t know whether it is pure selfishness, jealousy or barely determination. It varies with situation perhaps.

RaeN G

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Unc3RtAinTy CaN B PaRaLyzZing

Uncertainty. Well, its my best friend! Yup, this friend of mine had stayed with me more than any other friend of mine. Perplexing me up with each and everything decision I make and I'm sorry to say that I never got rid of it. yeah it may sound like some kind of disease. But having powers to paralyze one’s thinking, can’t uncertainty be a DISEASE? 

We face uncertainty in life, uncertainty in the world, and it can be a paralyzing feeling that cripple us in our crucial decisions. Now you know how people trip! A drop of uncertainty in the ocean of life might divert your path just like that. Think about it, think about how uncertainty changed your lives? In love? In choosing your career? In friendship?  Daily circumstances?

just like casino: outsome unseen, unknown..

Bearing with consequences is maturity; facing with uncertainty is mind-challenging. It’s like being caught in a maze with too many opening which the end is unseen. Often the uncertainty of what might happen is tougher to deal with emotionally even than a tragic news. Yeah, when you are emotionally disturbed, how can you be mentally challenged? On affects another. Then just forget about a clear decision or solution. Its like ..its like....its like that...

I'm not a strong person. So what I face? Uncertainty as I mentioned earlier can be disease, not for all but for some. This not-so-strong bunch can be this the victims. People like me get paralyzed not by stroke or accident but due to uncertainty. As we allow it to consume us and wrap up all of our thinking and energy.

When you realize that you are dealing with a life uncertainty, realize that you are going to be at war with it within your own mind. For the direction your mind thinks, so your emotions will follow! Typically, the mind becomes addicted with playing out all of the possible negative scenarios regarding the situation. This only makes you feel worse and more paralyzed and fearful of the future. So the brain is the culprit now! A crime by brain to its own possessor. Hmm I thought only humans backstab, now brains are up to this too??? Sheesh...

Overcoming? Well. I have not dealt with it for years, so how am I to come up with one now? For you I will try. Since brain is what confusing the situation, control your thinking. Don’t play that jigsaw puzzle in there! I mean don’t try one piece by piece. Piece?? I mean solution in this context..huhu *context*. Limit your options. When you have less options, you get less confused and the decision making deal becomes slightly lighter and easier for the brain. As such, you feel less stress. Well, about the consequences of the decisions, hmm don’t worry about it as its just another uncertainty entering through another automated door!!!!

Some say it seems like a harmony to live with uncertainty. All we have to do is , remind one another that the challenge of uncertainty is the gift of human freedom, so that we may rise from the paralysis of unknowing, rest easy in peace, and come at last to celebrate the mystery. Life is full of ups and down, whatever uncertainty brings you, its just LIFE! Where you want to run?? ( ok now I made the whole post pointless)

Running from life is NOT in the list of Options!

RaeN G

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