I'm so much more

So one more day to go. It's not like I'm happily counting days for my final practicum to kick start but, I'm just excited to improve. For some obvious reasons I should say, I had been too lenient with my performance. It's about time I stop. Only because I don't like some parts of this job, I shouldn't waste my time playing mediocre. Even more important, I shouldn't prioritize 'things' that do not prioritize me.

Maybe I'm too sick right now. I'm too sick of seeing myself giving up at every fall. I'm too tired of making myself believe I had done my best when there's soo much I could have shown. Let's not brood with regrets or shy away because the other person beside you thinks you are not good enough. I genuinely want to make things work. I want a determination that lasts and a passion that could drive each day of the coming 3 months with much meaning.

Anyone can make an extravagant opening, but only a few finish grand. So why be a common man?

Renuka G

Read More

Sinned-Saint

I have heard of people going on a journey of self-discovery and coming back confused still. I'm different though. I know too much. I know too much about my own self that my inner soul dies to shoot me every time I expose that profound knowledge . Anyone on the same boat?  I can recognize my weakness and strengths, my positive side and the little devil within me, also my ego which measures bigger than my head. YES I just admitted that, stop rubbing your eyes.

I wish I hadn't known this much. It's like committing a crime consciously. It's like making a mistake fully realizing it is one. I can't put it any simpler, unless you are a kid!

The one bad thing about the mentioned is, your instincts telling you what's next. I can predict my actions and it gets creepy over the time. It's like a cliche. Every situation is a no-brainer for I know how I will react to it. It can be so accurate that sometimes I wish I could stop the obvious. More often than a not, I ignore it. You feel me?  Perhaps it is my plain belief of self-discovery being, knowing who you are and accepting fully the outcome. So obviously I'm not innocent. 

Knowing and accepting is a far concept from changing and preventing. I have known and accepted the negative and positive sides of myself, like a boss. However, as far as the other two are concerned, I'm helpless. Or maybe I choose not to help myself. Hey, I am no saint, and I don't fancy being one. The world is no place for the purest of hearts and cleanest of minds. If you think it is, perhaps you are delusional or in denial. You need help, so go to mommy! Plus, it's always better to stand in between two extremes. There's no need to be too good or too cruel. Hence, I feel some emotions are better shown and revealed without guilt. Even though I can't control the aftereffect.

You can call me wrong, you can say I'm ugly and speak everything you wish about my opinions but it doesn't matter. It feels ok for me. I don't wish to sugarcoat the reality of life. My words speak the truth I have learnt, which I assume is valid from my perspective. Too good could land you in a 'too bad'-situation. Agree?

Keeping everything aside, let's just admit this one thing, we all claim we know what is right and what is wrong, so how did the world became so polluted of broken hearts and hurtful words? 

Of course I can't blame the cat sleeping on my shoe shelf, isn't it? It's us! Humans! I don't know what had happened to the world, including myself that I feel mistakes are in the recent times done rather consciously than unconsciously. Perhaps our morals are descending with the drastically increasing amount of stress of the ever-busy world. We don't mind hurting because we have been hurt. We are trying so hard to make the unfair life fair and equalize everyone else's equations like it's at all possible. I know I'm failing, hope you will realize it too. But will we ever stop trying? That's a point to ponder!

(God, I wish I hadn't known this much. Shoot me please! )

Renuka G

Read More

Wisdom-ized

Somewhere between the soaring spirit and rusting memories I realize I have grown so much. You might be praying that I have expanded sideways or floating like a balloon with a melting chocolate in my hand, but sorry you are wrong. I have grown as in, I have matured in my ways of thinking and actions. As cheesy as that I might have sounded, it is no tall-tale.

Below is a prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference. (Serenity Prayer)

It's not like I have been sitting here praying each and every single day. In fact, I just found this today. I thought it bore so much truth to the extent where I can't help but sharing. 

These are the only crucial things we have to know isn't it? The ability to accept some things we can't change so we can live the next day with a peaceful-mind. The courage to change those which are within our means, and finally to recognize which is what. Not everything in life are reversible. If we have the rewind and pause buttons we have always desired, perfect won't be superficial anymore. Remember, life is no media player. It is a ground for strong contenders to battle it out. But strong isn't all about flexing muscles and boxing hurdles in it's face, endurance is a synonym to go to in some situations. However, when an opportunity to flip things over arise, be sure to muster the courage giving it a try. Don't be hasty, stop being too persistent, choose wisely what to endure and which one to change.

Too many things happen often leaving us confused about what's the best for us, that's very true. Therefore learn to put emotions behind and think with your head. Emotions are the worst dictator of all.. It will mess with your beliefs and leak your tear glands and make your hair fall as soon as you begin prioritizing it. Do you fancy that? Like seriously? Think about it. 

Bottomline, if you want to be matured my advice is, master the mentioned three, the ability to endure, change and recognize which is what. Try to reason the good behind a bad occurrence, pursue a dream if there's still a chance and last but not least, accept success and failure as the part and parcel of life.

No man lives in a paradise, but nobody said he can't create one.

Renuka G

Read More

Resolutions?

Holla 2014! This is my first post of the horse year. Let's talk about resolutions. Resolutions, in my point of view, are the list of things or lies we convince ourselves with, to live better and feel better. However, since to live better one needs to keep up with it, to feel better might be the closer truth.   No? You are living in denial, buttercup! Resolutions are the extravagant ideas running in our heads, sometimes close to fantasy, that are formed in the so called curtain-rising excitement.

Having condemned it pretty badly, I of course did not make any. The reason being, I just wanna live. We make decisions every single day. If it's a good one, we change our lives for the better. There's no magic power to a four digit number to bring in determination, unless you choose it to be so. New Year is just another day.

Being a good street peeper, I realize most people make resolutions about their relationships, work and physiques. The mentioned reflects the most common issues everyone faces, like every single day. 2014 or 2015 or even 2020 can't help if your resolutions are mere handwritten list of improvisations-planned. One thing about hopping on a trend is that, it fades with time. Same goes with new year resolutions. Typical trend which will be chucked at a corner in just weeks time. First of all, do you even remember the resolution or resolutions you made the previous year?

The whole thing is like going into the hunger games with all the weapons yet dying because you don't know how they work. Only consolation being, the thought. But to think again, does it even matter? I mean the thought. Dreams without an action I guess. Or wait, people do work on their resolutions don't they? Like I previously said, for a period of time, till old habits start kicking in. They die hard honey! 1st day of the year is no magic date to throw in determination.

Come back to reality. Instead of dreaming big about going to work on time, eating healthy and spending more time with family, learn determination first. Any day can turn you into a new leaf as long as you are strong about something you wish. True strength comes from the heart and a healthy mind, not by looking at firework displays or through a liquored midnight.

Bottom line, 2014 is just another 2013, 2012 or any other past years. It's the whole roller coaster thingy once again. The big question is, what you wanna do differently this time? Don't over-think about resolutions. You know what you want. So make decisions as you go, as you need. Your first January can be even today or tomorrow. No one has missed the chance to relive the wrong choices YET.

Happy New Year fellas!

Renuka G

Read More