The embodiment

Can you recognize me? I am hiding behind every pause in your speech. I make you happy in the times I fail to explode your brain. You know you own me but, dare you admit? 

We have been like flesh and blood when the lights are off, why does the brightness of the world scare you away ? Are you trying to run? Or are you just hiding exactly where you know I would find you? Because you know I need you to be alive and more than that I know you need me for another moment of glory .

It's not mutualism, you are a parasite. One day you will annihilate me like I never existed, maybe today, this moment, the next second. Do I really exist now though? I don't know. Should it be my concern? Am I supposed to unravel the skeletons in your closet? 

But can you recognise me ?

You created me and you will destroy me. Meanwhile, you are holding every key to tune me, you dress me up, you accessorise me, you teach me words you want to hear, you show me the life you crave, and yet you stand in front of the mirror, alone. You never left a trace of me. You stole my reflection but nobody would ever know. 

I am the enemy you disguised. The existence which you solely built and will keep building that you despise and loathe secretly.

Can you recognise me now?

I'm your conscience. 

Renuka G

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The shoe mojo

All girls share a weakness or two. Some have their hearts beat for diamonds, some can't stand luxury brands while the rest for other things they covet. My ultimate weakness is for shoes. High heels, sandals, boots, stilettos, none are exempted. Everything under the family of shoes makes my heart skip a beat. Shoes excite me and at the same time troubles me in some ways.

It's complicated. As much as I go gaga over shopping for footwears, it irks me to find a perfect pair. The worst case scenario would be when you go against the grammar rules and define a few pairs as perfect leaving you to make a decision  that will force you to break up with some of the nominees. Goodbyes do hurt. So bad! If you are lucky though, you could take home a few boxes like it's your birthday! ( or like the boss is your man ?)

Shoes. A girl can never have enough shoes. I wonder who discovered that truth. It's a like an addiction you keep wanting more and more. They come in various styles, numerous colours and with a fat bank balance you can even design a special one for yourself or invest in those designer pairs which are just a swipe of a card away from being your possession. 

Donning a new pair of shoes brings the excitement similar to that of a girl on her first date. The anxiety if they would keep you comfy, whether it's ok to walk on rough surfaces at the same time not being able to resist the joy of finally showing the world the chosen one. The mixed feelings  which would leave you questioning your own self, can a pair of shoes does this much?

Well I can't make you feel how I have felt. I'm just desperate for a new pair of sandals and possibly boots. My sanity seems to be at stake searching for perfection, hence this nonsensical post.

That is that!

Good night!

Renuka G

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Chicken and calories

Lately I have been feeling like a sick chicken even though I'm nowhere close to a hike in temperature or a reduced appetite. Low haemoglobin count could be the culprit but I have decided to not bring that to the stand. A felon on lease always since, I'm too scared of visiting the doctor's office. Blame the medicinal smell! (Dear kids in any government schools please disregard  the previous just to save my rapport at all future encounters that may exist)

I specifically chose to describe myself as a sick chicken because I feel tired for no reason and chicken seems to be an animal that is both adorable and feeds me well in many ways. I love chickens, therefore it is an honour I gave myself via comparison.  

Being home and attempting to cook various dishes would make  me prone to weight gain on daily basis. Hence, this time once again I'm abiding by my fabfitfun (that's the name of a celebrity blog I stole) principle which makes exercising a daily routine. Prickly since it has been close to two months that I was busy pampering my body, it seems to rebel against the calorie burning efforts leaving me like a sick chicken right after a 15 secs-plank. Today I was even about to fall asleep on the mat! Geez!

Why am I complaining? 

Just so it sticks better to my brain as I  rewrote the  scenario. 

Quality workout is crucial because my meals seem to be the richest of quality and, generous of calories. I can't afford to lay on the floor or lay eggs on the yoga mat. If I don't sweat it out enough then I can live on smoothies for the rest of the month! 

Brain, you heard that? Happy? Or you still want that cheesy sphagetti?

Game face on!

Renuka G 

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Dignity on discount

Have you ever sensed how suddenly an item on sale becomes extra attractive? Just like that, I guess some things and people in our lives become or to be accurate, are made more appealing when the situation favours our demands. 

An ex whom you thought the worst person you have ever met, in desperate moments reincarnate into a shelter you rush in simply because you feel he would go with it. We incline towards going against our principles and choices we once made as soon as we hit rock bottom.

 Similar to an item on sale, we go crazy over things of old seasons only because the situation has dolled them up now. 

Does a sweater which was once the least you desired comfort you fine only because you could pay for it ? 

Do you treat things in life the same way?

Renuka G

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End of Degree

Five and a half years of journey and not dedicating a post to honour it would be a shame. 

They say everything starts with a dream. My life in IPGM though kicked off with lots of tears, disappointments, did severe damage to my self-esteem yet progressed somehow. Life begins at the end of one's comfort zone, couldn't agree more. Despite all that broke me and wound me, I survived. The credit definitely goes to the wonderful souls I met along the way. Some who sat beside me and listened, the rest who touched my life from a far distance. Thank you is not suffice to show how much I appreciate your kindness. 

There were phases so tormenting I came pass. The fact that I am calm enough today to recall them is just the power of time which turned things over. Nothing lasts forever is both a happy and sad phrase. In this case it is most certainly something I am smiling while writing it down. I don't know your story but this is mine. Speaking from my perspective, all that I am now is everything that happened to me. My past made me myself. Even though it was never in my dreams to teach, the five years were a journey of self-discovery of a kind. I have no grand confessions that my interests have changed, I love what I am doing, I can't wait to be working. No. I can't lie to myself. That is what I learnt.

For many years I lived that way. Lying to myself, giving myself excuses, refusing to accept what is right in front of my eyes, denying reality, trying to be someone I am not. But every single mistake gave me a lesson which I fortunately took as a voice from above. Instincts were a good companion I should say.  I didn't change because I wanted to, it was the call of circumstances that somehow made a huge impact on the person I am. It took me half a decade to finally discover my passion and build my dreams. Along the way I also picked up some great truths about people, relationships and the course of life in general. My story so far seem perfect with the flaws and damages because that is what it was meant to be like. And I am happy to  be holding the pen still.

This degree means so little compared to the experiences but it is of course the milestone which will bring me closer to my dreams. Yes I know what I want to do, like finally.

People sometimes have an unrealistic image of what life should be like and jumps into comparing theirs with the person beside them. It doesn't work that way. We all will achieve different things at different stages after different struggles and different experiences. Life begins when you believe that you too are entitled for success and happiness though not at this right moment, at the same level with someone else. Dream, believe in it, work hard and don't stop till you bask the fruits. That is what I learnt. Nothing beats a strong heart and mind. Once you get the perfect balance of both, you are on your way towards something great.

While some of my peers are celebrating, I am still positively outlining my route to success. I can't wait to make my dreams come true. I am happy what I did not enjoy showed me what I should be doing. Who knew, right?

Never underestimate the experiences life put you through, there's a reason behind everything that had happened. I am humbled and I am thankful. Having said that, I would like wish everyone in my life well and good luck in their future undertakings. You all made this possible.

Renuka G

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Le Memoire Night 2014

classic!

Just a few more pit-stops before I bid farewell to Terengganu. Whatever the future holds, I hope I will always have the most precious bunch of friends that I have found here by my side.

I can't exactly say if it was a rough road or a pleasant journey, but it was made better by all the people I met along the way. 

Without the experiences and lessons, I wouldn't have been who I am today. Thank you for the best moments and cheers to more!

With love,

Renuka G

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