Into the Wild

People read for various reasons. I read to be inspired. Perhaps that's why I don't simply walk into the bookstore and pick a read. Books that I've read and had a hard time to let go are the ones which crossed me by accident. Though cheesy and love story-ish it might sound, it is indeed undeniable that I'm fussy when it comes to books. Most of my collections are either a movie or true story. I believe in learning and these stories are truly inspiring to the extent of addiction and of course self-realization.

My recent read is Into the wild by Jon Krakauer. I hadn't read any books after Gone Girl till I came across this one. It's the story of a young boy named Johnson McCandless who abandoned his good life and dearest possessions to travel 'into the wild'. He died tragically but that's not the case. The life he lived was without a doubt remarkable with top notch values for his age.

There's something about his perspective of life which sets him apart for any random person 'living'. He was blessed with everything a normal teenager would desire yet, why he left? What was his quest? And at the end of the story will you see him like just another reckless idiot who abandoned his good life or as something else? These questions would make you turn the pages . It's for the thinkers who evaluate moral codes in a non judgmental manner. It's for people who understand 'things' and the value of each of those in life at whole.

Going footloose is of course intriguing and exciting, given the recent trend, it is also rather glamorous. The association of travel with escape is a cliche-connection people use to sculpt their stories of independent-self with much pride. Johnson was rather humble. He knew the world has flawed codes and he was sick of the society which he phrased as a 'crazy-breed'.  He was complaining, profusely complaining. Unlike the crowd, he set out to live the life which he believed in. His journey was not a glamorous road. His passion for new horizons were not mere words. His adventures were novel. Most importantly, his experiences were something one can never imagine to risk. He wanted to be lost to feel alive. Death was predictable yet nothing mattered more than his bond with the roads he took.

It's not like a story you want to live. Just one capable of making you reason choices in life and the beauty of the real universe without the 'things' people feel obsessed over which in return possess them in a way or another. This book is of class! A walk away from civilization so close to fiction with every page of adept descriptions teaching something this world has  now been missing.

Johnson McCandless lived, his story tells the rest.

Renuka G

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The Turning Point

So everything has finally started. It was indeed a hectic week with 3 days of travelling back and forth to Skudai after school. And then came UPSR. All so frenzy and without a single doubt, exhausting. I was basically rushing right after school, having my snack-like-lunch in the car, stopped at the rest area for a quick face wash and attended the lectures which lasted till 7pm. Crazy times two or perhaps 5. Reaching home close to 9 at night, leaves me no time for gym or any empty idling session either. It's like a schedule resembling tuna in a can. Tightly packed. That's a sort of hyperbole I guess. But trust me, it is not an overstatement.

The whole situation is like what Piper Chapman mentioned in OITNB.

I'm indeed trying to climb Everest in flip flops. Truth be told, I have no serious plans in my head yet about this M.Ed TESL thing. I just wanna learn and use English more and more eventually, improving my proficiency. It's simply my mad love for English that made me commit to this crazy thing. Call me ambitious, call me stupid, I'm willing to surrender. There's something about learning new things that excites me and English is definitely a drug that has made me a happy addict.

Even though I could finish my masters in 2 years time, I've decided to take it slow. At least a little slow. It's better to not go all out and quit due to pressure. Slow and steady baby! I'm planning to stretch till 2.5 to 3 years. I'm working and my work demands lots of energy. By 1.10pm, I am already half dead but I'm sacrificing my cosy bed, stepping out from my comfort zone for something good. I have always believed comfort zone is a dead end, hence, the rest is justified.

Promoting :p

I have no idea how rough this M.Ed journey would be. Up to this point, I'm adapting and trying to get comfortable about being uncomfortable. I once came across a quote which says 'You can never be overdressed or overeducated.' I have zero doubts about it. I wanna fight my way up to Ph.D. Apart from that, my plans of getting my exercise science cert and baking dreams still goes on. At time moment, I just wish to minimize the many many tabs. I'm curious where this road would lead me.
Fingers crossed.

Still having all the fun in the world!

There's so much to learn. There's so much to do. Life is never going to be boring! At least for me :D







Renuka G

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The Vision

While we were making headlines in some local newspapers this morning, an incident at school hit me real hard inside. Honestly speaking, I admit I'm not much of a teacher from within. I do my job. I take responsibilities seriously and that's that. Sometimes, just sometimes I get really overwhelmed with certain things which afflicts me. I dislike kids, true. However, sympathy is an emotion I shower my pupils with because I know they deserve it.

I was having basically sharing with a colleague about the frustrations and disappointments I land myself in every day because of the pupils' lack of effort and zero ambition. It was not a surprise that we were in the same boat. That was when she told me something which saddened me beyond belief. This is not my passion. This is not even close to what I wanted to be. But this feeling is real. I was upset when she revealed what these kids will eventually become someday. The girls will either be working after high school or married. The boys go astray. Those who actually make it to the university are so few, what more those who really succeeds and leave a mark?

For some reasons, I feel some of us are very lucky to be born in a place where education is attainable and accessible. Plus we are blessed to be born in a family which values the ability to read and write than petty skills and norms. These kids, not all but most of them are unfortunate. One of the reason I could coin based on their attitude would be lack of inspiration. They have nobody's success to drool at. The only influence they have is the TV channels which repeatedly air programmes full of sobbing, revenge and everything negative enough to spoil a kid's thoughts into an adult's mind-frame. They do not enjoy internet access like we do. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad one yet, for a kid to not know who is Mahatma Gandhi and their own state is a serious issue I guess.

There are countless number of problems and issues within this small community and the children are simply the scapegoat of a reality which have been going on for years or perhaps decades.
It's a sad case scenario indeed.
Who to blame?
Who to change?
How to transform?
I guess every single teacher with or without passion would at least once thought about this. But in a place as such, heat of the moment would be a joy to watch yet it gets cold real fast and the next thing you know the past repeats itself somehow or someway. It's similar  to a pendulum which sways with a push so fast and gets slow , eventually stopping at point . The next push and no matter how many more that comes won't last forever, either.

Sympathy, anger and frustration are mundane routines which leave me with guilt. Perhaps my expectations are high. Maybe I'm trying too hard that I fail the same way. I feel lost figuring the small steps which leads to a big change. The hope is there still, though. When there's a will, there's a way, right?

Renuka G

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Death and Cynicism

Is it tragic or funny?

To live our entire lives pursuing happiness and finally to finish with death. Like climbing over the rainbow only to land on a pointy sword, how tragic? Or it's just our poor sense of humour denying the huge yet simple joke?

I watched a movie the other day which caught me thinking about the euphemisms. Things are actually pretty rough and sad and pathetic but we try so hard to smile with guns in our head. Some do succeed. How impressive is it? And with that, again I wonder, have these happy crowds in the universe come to terms with death? Are you happy because you genuinely are or is it a pursuit to conceal the tragic end?  Even worse, could it be just a handshake over an agreement to sacrifice and gain mutually in the space between everything and death? If running is all about crossing the finish line, does how you run matter at all?

The one inseparable subject with death would be his kin, FEAR. So which fear is worse? The fear of not living or the fear of death? And to what extent who you go to conquer them? You can't cheat death but can you make it any better? To all the optimists of the world, why are you so happy? Or maybe, just maybe they actually got the joke.

That silly joke of how a man goes so high to fall deep down. It's the simple law of gravity understood by all .God bless Newton and all science references ! The question here is, which law then is applicable for our life-scene?

 It's a mere joke. The most cynical joke of all. You can sit with a box of tissue and sulk all you want. Screw that! Perhaps it would be better if you imagine a  silly man on a trampoline going gaga, landing on the ground planting his whole shape onto the grass and tell yourself the genre of life is comedy.

As simple as that, everything is actually funny.

You don't have to laugh from your heart, sometimes it's satisfying to laugh with your head. Your mind is a powerful tool hence, learn to narrate, learn some humour. Death is tragic, perhaps the most tragic of all nouns. Remember, Shakespeare wrote tragedies with such cynical plot and the most twisted characters because he knew the secret. The cure to a tragic end is nothing. The journey to a tragic end though, begs humour for, without that all lame things becomes extra pretentious. Forcing yourself to enjoy simple pleasure, trying so hard to be happy, clenching your teeth on every fall? Oh, come on! Life is a joke. Don't make a fool out of yourself. Direct your play, enjoy the scenes. You don't have to be a clown, you just have to know to manipulate your characters.

Fear not the end, fear a stale plot.

Renuka G

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Are you game?

The feeling. That damned feeling is back.

People often perceive success as the result of consistent acceptance and fixture of failures. It's like using the negatives to open path to the positives adhering much to the core-most rule of life , ups and downs. As much as you wish you could run, it's the simple motion of a ball bouncing back from a surface. You move back and forth between sweetness and the bitter-side of events, you hit and bounce back.

Although there's a slim chance that you possess a complete anatomy and mechanics similar to ball, more often that is not the case. Sometimes a hit is all you need to fall face-down . At times a hit is more than enough to cripple you so long that it twists the plot altogether.

This is not some friendly prescription of motivational dose nor a faint-sprinkle of fairy dust to the world.

Welcome to rock bottom!

Exactly where life serves you a platter of cold, raw meat at a dinner table with depression and helplessness as sidelines. You wish you could look for inspiration and search restlessly the self-esteem that you know had hidden itself somewhere but to no avail. Again, welcome to rock bottom!

Here, you will chase after a shooting star while simultaneously being frisked by the most daunted of all fears in the real world, the fear of failure. You will run like a mad dog after a bone only to discover the price of the wish is not the chase.

Time will neither be your enemy nor your friend. Time is a distant variable which mocks you and your efforts while still being in motion. You wait, you wait for the clues that it may drop. In your mind you build thoughts that time will soon favour you, it will soon divert its path towards you. You wish and you keep wishing as it continuously proves you wrong.

The final bashing you have at rock bottom, the withdrawal of hope. We are born equipped with a belief system. A system that could collapse like any other. Your good thoughts will soon turn grey and eventually die. And a negative belief system is a dead-system afterall. Wishes will be replaced by anger which will accumulate into merciless acts of self-destruction. Nothing matters. Anything  becomes everything and everything becomes anything. Now, you are officially game.

Only once in a while, an occasional reflection on the mirror will bombard you with questions of your long-gone identity. It would be fun. Everyone loves a little mystery. The moments of struggle to discover the exact turning point which destroyed you to unrecognizable and non-fixable state would challenge your own curiosity.

This is where you return to square one.

The question though is, will it lead you back to a moment of sheer-bitterness or destructive-sweetness?

Renuka G

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Prescriptions

It is apparently true what people say about passion, it's an addiction. You will always bounce back like a ball slammed on a surface. Hence this new post justified.

The past few weeks had been pretty overwhelming. I could say 'hard' but it won't explain the truth. Not to pinpoint everything  on work, many other things took place further piling on mental strain. It was a feeling close to drowning but far from panic. The cherry on top is, I reacted so less. I used to jump at every instance and let those tears roll as if it's the proper way to deal with a breakdown. You might think I'd say I'm stronger. Unfortunately, that's not the case. 

I just do not care about some things anymore. Whatever that took place in the past taught me to take life as it unfolds. There is no need to over think the unpredictable, stalk and investigate, or even to question the whys. Everything that you need to know will be brought to you someday, someway. I have so much to do and learn and that I won't compromise for anything. Some people are passing clouds, I would never invest so much trying to hold on to something that would't fit me in the long term. 

One thing I have to get off my chest though. There are certain individuals in the world who thinks life is what they live and everybody else is wrong. Foolish I say. Your life is how you choose to engineer it. If someone brainwashes you into believing a formula to a happy life is what that's in their hands, punch them right on their face! It has never worked that way. If you ever beg someone to show you the right path, then do punch yourself! It's more like finding the perfect pair of shoes. You have to try a few pairs, walk a few steps, pick the right color, think about the most practical choice and weigh your wallet. Simply put, in life you have to take a few decisions and evaluate all of them so you find your own equation that is applicable to your personal life. 

It is not tough but truth be told, we are only afraid of the possible negative outcome. We belittle our abilities to design our lives and settle for anything that we saw perfect from a spectator's angle. Remember, all that shines is not gold.  The same eyes that enables vision are famous for deceptions as well. In short, stop prescribing formulas and receiving formulas. The experiences we had have reasons. Use them to find yourself, and later pursue whatever the hell you want!

Renuka G

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To walk a dream

I'm a dreamer. Now that I'm unemployed and commitment-free, I have progressed to the next level of dreaming, excessive dreaming. I mean whatever, make sense out of it. My head feels like a reservoir of plans and procrastinated efforts with an automated door allowing access anytime I wish. Hence, I'm always in my dreamland.

Sometimes I wish I could dig out a few ideas, actually bringing them at least a couple of steps closer to reality, but laziness seem to be one clingy partner. Dreaming is the easiest and consumes very little to no work at all thus, producing a faithful user out of me. Not fair yet justified.

I think I'm just another human capable of pampering myself to an unacceptable extent. How sweet of me, right?

Though it was me who wrote the above, I genuinely feel this should not go on for long. There is no doubt that I am a lazy, forever-sleepy, bored soul but naah. As soon as I start working, if this were to become a habit then I'm most certainly in a lot of trouble. Bearing that in mind, I'm gonna make one of my humble yet personally grand idea to use. And everyone will definitely  be informed of the progress!

Renuka G

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Thinking in/of Progress

How do you know who's the right one for you? And just like that how do you know which is the right place to kick start your career?

I had battled the mind-numbing thoughts before, for a few times actually. By battled I mean, I did decide on the best but now that they handed me a second chance to make changes I am left confused. For a long time I have gripped strongly to the belief of heading wherever life takes me. In fact, I made the shelved choices based of the mentioned belief. Never in my life I thought I would leave INTI, and embarassingly  I didn't even know where Terengganu is in the map of Malaysia till I get the offer letter. However, that is exactly where life took me and 5 years went by just like that and here I am a degree holder baffled by thoughts of the future.

The conflict is between money and progress. Which one would you choose?

Would you rather go somewhere far, forgoing most comfort and progress settling for the pot of gold or be happy somewhere you could get the comfort, advance academically at ease but for a much lower pay? I am still weighing both choices, the pros and cons. Perhaps I won't find the answer , or there is no answer after all. Sometimes we just have to close our eyes, stop questioning so much, take a leap of faith and make the best of what life hands us. Once again as I mentioned earlier, wherever life takes me!

As I am writing this it is getting clearer, I do not need to over think this. Selangor or Sabah, I will somehow make it work. Those with dreams and ambitions do not fancy excuses people say. I will get my masters, pursue my baking dreams and be the best version of me without calculating the time I have to sacrifice and invest.

It's gonna be alright!

Renuka G

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Le Memoire Night 2014

classic!

Just a few more pit-stops before I bid farewell to Terengganu. Whatever the future holds, I hope I will always have the most precious bunch of friends that I have found here by my side.

I can't exactly say if it was a rough road or a pleasant journey, but it was made better by all the people I met along the way. 

Without the experiences and lessons, I wouldn't have been who I am today. Thank you for the best moments and cheers to more!

With love,

Renuka G

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23rd and moving on

Old habits die hard. The habits that we pick up at some point of time once fossilized within us won't leave us. Just like a tattoo, we take them everywhere we go, for as long as we live. I think I am not alone. We all have at least one habit that irks  us so much but has become a rock that won't budge from our daily lives. Be it a common nail-biting routine or an embarrassing stalking-the-past agenda, we all had at some moment got sick of it and became determined to quit though it never was the reality the next moment.

Since I have just turned 23 officially, I am here to talk about habits, habits that I want to wrap up and dispose before they could define me. As we grow, our curiosity grows with us. I guess. The sudden need for details and explanations and justifications drive us crazy. After-all we are all humans chasing behind the truth. To satisfy ourselves, we often develop some silly habits that mounts to nothing but more heartache and mental-torture. Yes I just wrote mental-'torture', you read it right!

Making a guess, we humans like to calculate our losses and gains in some ways just to balance the equation or even better feel good about the gains. If we find out that a person who rejected us having a tough time, we feel like a thousand dollar deposited into our account. Something like that. But the truth being, there is no explicit gain for any party in this situation. The next day we are all going to move on with our work and the silly habit of stalking become a small dessert during lunch. And that was just an example.

My point is simple, I think the ugliest habits most people especially girls suffer from is stalking. The root of the cause being their inability to let go. In my life, as years passed I did let go of some things and people. However, as new people walk out the door, the curiosity kicks in again. I do not wish to be curios of people and their behaviour anymore. In fact I am embarrassed of this habit. The other day someone wise advised me to not do or see things that will hurt myself. It was indeed eye-opening. I owe it all to that person.

I think it is about time I focus on my future. I have so much ahead of me. Having a degree won't do my ambition any justice. I am far behind I should say. Masters would be a long hectic journey, pursuing my passion for baking and make-up would be another. Then I want to travel around the world, then I want to this, I want to do that. I do not want some ugly habits to crack me and slow me down because everything somehow will bruise your self-esteem and that definitely makes a huge difference. Don't think it is fair to put my dreams at stake for some silly loss-gain balance.

Apart from all the seriousness, I had an awesome birthday. Thank you to my dad who has always been sweet, for that person who called and wished at 12, my sister and my sisters in IPG who made my day extra special. God I am gonna leave Terengganu with so much good memories and a handful of great friends!

Renuka G

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Beauty I say..

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, I could not agree more. Beauty is something very subjective and I will never find the perfect definition for the word but I would let you know my take on it. Some people believe inner beauty compliments the physical looks. Some claim beauty to be solely judged on either one, mostly agreeing that to be physical looks. I think we have passed those times where we measure beauty by the fullness of the lips and sharpness of the nose and how defined the curls and curves are. Physical looks just soothes the eyes, not your ears or your mind.

Not to offend the drop-dead-beautiful-looking girls out there, you girls are perfect in a way. In my reality though, I  feel what one's looks like is a bonus to one's personality. Simply put, inner beauty before the outer. I have been called ugly, fat and more absurd things in my life, I do not care if it is true. My point is, of all the people I have met the wonderful bunch are not beauty queens or girls who could get ten winks only by  swaying their hair.

As much as I want to condemn some men for selecting partner by their looks, I think the choice is personal. If you prefer to live with a high-heeled mannequin, that is your decision. But my heart goes out to man who sees a girl inside-out. To live with a good face and good mind and good heart are three completely different things. If you ask me, a good mind and heart would walk you a lifetime while the skin sags and the hair greys as time eats you up.

I have heard some ridiculous remarks like physical beauty would give one beautiful kids, cannot be changed, get everybody's attention etc etc. Like, give me second! It is a simple comparison to an orange. As much as it looks good to eat a sliced-orange with the skin-on compared to a peeled one, somehow the skin is not going into your system. Once again, it soothes your eyes but somehow at some point it serves no purpose.

Well, point blank I do understand nobody wants to spend their entire lives looking at something so dull and less pretty. Trust me, we all want a little glow. However, inner beauty without a doubt is the priority! Others are bonus. Just like a good book with a well-illustrated cover, the person you are should overpower youself more than your gorgeous hair and hour-glass curves (which is the ultimate stereotype surely), and that is the real deal!

With that said, I would like to give a big hug and wish a rain of glitters for the girls and ladies and women who are balancing the equation right and for the wise men who own them! Kindly accept this sugar-sprinkled doughnut :D

Nothing beats a smile uh though it looks so retard-like?!

Renuka G

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Sunshine and Rainbows

I don't think you need thousand moments to tell you if you are happy and a thousand and one more to tell if you are a sad soul. All we actually need is to count our blessings. Sometimes we expect too much from people but we fail to realize they have their moods and rough days too. We think life is a straight line build with tons of roses and all sweet things but we miss the roughness of the surface underneath.

Count your blessings.

If yesterday meant something, it sure did. Somehow someday it might repeat, who knows? If today was tough, that's alright, tomorrow it will be past already. Be happy ! It is all in the mind. Smiles are prettier than a frown and nothing compares a good laugh at the end of any day of your life.

There is just so much to be thankful for. Never brood around sadness or self-pity too much, it might become a habit. Happy pills are addictive, blessings are wonderful. So remember,you are your choices!

Life is good for me, how about you?

Renuka G

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The go-to strategy

I had been busy for a couple of months in which I felt nothing but stress. The simplicity of my thoughts and the tamed curiosity held me so close to my responsibilities at hand. Had I not enjoyed those moments?  It was like dating loneliness so deeply that I even desire to take it home with me. Now that the tasks at hand are framed aside, thoughts are wandering, literally everywhere!

I know this means trouble. The return of the whys and why-nots are messing with my head and hey, you two are not welcomed! This is real, my thoughts just unlocked themselves and they seem to be enjoying the limitless space they could occupy while I sit here ranting about the tragedy.

Sometime ago I decided to not commit into a relationship and, be comfortable with the love that I'm blessed with from the people who are already in  my life. Well, so far I had not lost the battle. But you know thoughts, they can be extremely annoying and persuasive in convincing you something is wrong and something is lacking. It is like a mosquito bite-situation. You scratch, you are bruised, you resist, head explodes! Similarly, thoughts are messing with my self-control like a boss as I sit on ehow figuring how to make a padlock to keep my self-control intact. Just shoot me now!

I wonder how they do it :p

Reality check, self-control requires some positive thoughts to counter attack the frenzy thoughts. Here comes the role of ambitions! I do not know about the world population and their views but for me, ambitions are to be fulfilled prior big commitments like marriage especially. So why should I rush? Don't I have too much time to wait for Prince charming? Plus, loneliness seem to get along pretty well with me, judging based on its hesitance to leave me of course. Again, why rush?

my life is colourful still, so why bother ?!! :D

My principle of life is pretty simple. I do not care about fame and recognition, I just want to learn. Learn about everything that mesmerizes me, tickles my curiosity and interests me. Commitments may not stop me from learning, but it does change some things. Call me selfish, I don't think it is risk worth thinking.

Let the random thoughts use up its last bullet, I will be holding tight to my passion and ambitions. My heart is safe in a space surrounded with positivity and just enough ego to keep me going.

Renuka G

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Just live!

I no longer believe life has to be fair what-so-ever. It happens to every single one of us. We cannot resist nor demand reasons behind things that takes place. It is the way it goes. Sometimes it's like a cool breeze ,at times it's a bad storm. Embrace it either way. Put behind those raging emotions and curiosity, just let it happen to you. You will be thankful someday for all the experiences.

I'm thankful for everything that I have been through

Life does not have to be fair always. If you want to grow, learn to accept that fact. Keep walking, no matter what happens, keep going. Nothing is worth stopping for. Life is too short for pauses, I guess. And life is too precious that you can't weigh its fairness on a lever.

Enjoy the mystery, ignore the what-ifs, don't look to the right, don't look to the left, just live! You know you are AMAZING!

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Mother's Day

Words were never suffice to describe a mother . As much as that might sound like a cliché, don’t be in denial, it is most certainly one!Heee.

 It hit me just today that I have never written a post about mother’s day or my mother but have surprisingly shelved countless number of posts about my dad. She’s like the mysterious soul wishing me well behind the curtains.  Omit  the ‘like’, she is indeed and will always be. So today it would be about mothers.

Relationships are complicated, be it blood- ties or a stranger you just meet. They have ups and downs, tons and tons of misunderstandings, happy times and rocky times and some indescribable situations in which we wonder how complex humans could be. At the end of the day, it’s your call whether to burn the bridge or nurse the wounds. But some ties can never be broken, some bridges are impossible to burn. One would definitely be the relationship between you and your mother.

Shall I put it this way, people will throw stones at a full fruited tree, but the tree never surrendered to that. For it, it isn’t a big deal, the tree will still keep fruiting. It will give the best it could and let you bask its fruits anyway, even though it means  bearing another few stones hurting it. A mother is like a tree, a big tree which shades her children, attends to their needs even if it has to bear a little pain (or at times a lot of it), so magnificent that it withstands the unpredictable storms and rains for as long as it could.  Some of us on the other end are still the foolish crowd who are hurting the tree  consciously or unconsciously thinking it will always be there to shade and to feed us regardless of circumstances. Try to look closer, the tree is aging!

I think this is a reminder to my own self and others out there too. If we let the past disputes and anger rule us, we will only have an old chair, tears and lots of regrets somewhere in the future. Is our pride mightier than the hands which nurtured us? Think about it.

Tomorrow might not be pretty as those golden days. Scars do change a relationship forever, I agree. But let’s just set our egos aside and accept that we are all equally flawed though in different ways. If the many years in this world haven’t taught you the beauty of forgiving and forgetting, you could be alien! :p

Before I end, here goes my belated Mother ’s Day wish to all the mothers in the world including mine! May you be blessed with love, care and a beautiful life just like your pretty little heart!

Renuka G

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Closure of the third

My return to this blog marks the end of my final practicum! God it feels so good . After 3 months of physical and emotional strain, I made it to the finish line. Honestly I feel very proud of myself as throughout the whole process I was conscious enough to sense the challenges and tough times I came pass. Now it's like a big burden lifted off from my shoulders. 

The one thing I learnt would be, if you are crazy about getting something and you work for it, it will be yours. Previously in my life I have seen the negative side of craziness conquering all , this time though the scene is in a positive setting with a much much more positive ending. For that I have to definitely thank my year 4 pupils who turned my tears into a triumphant smile by the end of my practicum. It was indeed an eye opening experience full of valuable lessons. I often had the perspective that class control is all about being stern and shouting and putting up a Chucky face yada yada. Not anymore.

People, be it kids or adults can't be kept in your grip by simply playing the who's-in-control game. It won't be long till you realize you are basically interacting with a piece of wall. What I used to get the kids to cooperate was crafts. Pupils in the weak class can't sit still and listen to you doing the monologue, they rather take walk looking for goats and cows. The only choice you have is to integrate something that interests them and relate it to the content. That was how I taught science after shedding tears for a month trying to figure out what was wrong. I used to hate this class but at last they grew so close to me that I started to love teaching them so much. Thank you kids!

Speaking of life in general, I made peace with myself that everything happened and happens for a reason, good reasons mostly. And even more important, I realized the world is a free place to make individual choices and decisions. There is no need to worry about people who don't care about you, there is no need to know the truth behind every happenings, there is no need to entertain everyone who wants to get to you, there is no need be friends with everyone, there is no need to tail the beliefs and norms of a culture which does not fit you, there's just no need to be copy cats. You are free, create your own rules and be happy living by those principles.

coffee, watching the new beginning unfolds :D

If you fall, it will be your ground and if you rise, let it be your sky! *fairy-dust to all*

Love,

Renuka G 

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Hmm

Days just pass by like this. The same old routine. The day starting will all smiles, morphing into frustrations and later tears. So mundane that tomorrow has become very much predictable. I feel so lost while having my hopes crushed further hard each passing moment. It's not like I didn't try, I did. It's not like I gave up, I'm still fighting the battle. The worst part is, I miss being me.I forgo many things in life because I simply wanna stay happy and escape the stress. This is the ultimate wake-up call I assume, life knows your weakest point. It knows where it hurts.

Just like everyone else, I too have a force pulling me down every time I try to get up.

That's life, right?  No one gets it easy.

Renuka G

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Life is a Marathon!

There will come a point in our lives when we turn around only to find how some people have progressed through life in such a short period. While you are still busy attending to your Barbie's Dream House, you find your friend buying his own house. While you are still gripping hard your fluffiest teddy, you friend's arms are tied in  the name of matrimony. Then when you come home logging into your favourite social network, there you go a video of your friend featured in a tv show, a few new relationship statuses flying around, pictures of some migrating elsewhere, updates of accomplishments and brand new life events triggering that one deadly question. What the hell am I doing wrong?

For most of us, that is the case scenario almost every single day. We are accustomed into believing the cliche of life being a race. We reflect our own progress by comparing it to some else's life. Everyone is striving to sprint through the field without realizing their feet being on different lanes with their so-called competitors. Life is not a race, it is a marathon.

No first, second or third place that is prioritized. It's about finishing it your way. You may sprint and slow down and sprint. You can go slow and steady all throughout the path or any way you wish. Taking life like a race, fearing the stride length of the person on the next lane, looking back on who's coming after you, is just an obvious sign of how unhappy you are with yourself. In the long run, that will only transform you into an unappreciative person who can't see the blessings you have, finally leaving you with nothing but resentments.

Take life as a marathon. It might be a long long journey but do it for yourself. Do it for a purpose. Run to prove yourself. Take your eyes off the medals and prizes, life doesn't start today and finish in the next few moments. No harm in finishing late. All you have to do is have personal goals, dreams and a well-founded passion. Your friend and you, are not the same. You might be entitled for different things, and get it at different times. It's OKAY.

After-all there is no such thing as a perfect life, it's all in the mind.

Renuka G

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Sinned-Saint

I have heard of people going on a journey of self-discovery and coming back confused still. I'm different though. I know too much. I know too much about my own self that my inner soul dies to shoot me every time I expose that profound knowledge . Anyone on the same boat?  I can recognize my weakness and strengths, my positive side and the little devil within me, also my ego which measures bigger than my head. YES I just admitted that, stop rubbing your eyes.

I wish I hadn't known this much. It's like committing a crime consciously. It's like making a mistake fully realizing it is one. I can't put it any simpler, unless you are a kid!

The one bad thing about the mentioned is, your instincts telling you what's next. I can predict my actions and it gets creepy over the time. It's like a cliche. Every situation is a no-brainer for I know how I will react to it. It can be so accurate that sometimes I wish I could stop the obvious. More often than a not, I ignore it. You feel me?  Perhaps it is my plain belief of self-discovery being, knowing who you are and accepting fully the outcome. So obviously I'm not innocent. 

Knowing and accepting is a far concept from changing and preventing. I have known and accepted the negative and positive sides of myself, like a boss. However, as far as the other two are concerned, I'm helpless. Or maybe I choose not to help myself. Hey, I am no saint, and I don't fancy being one. The world is no place for the purest of hearts and cleanest of minds. If you think it is, perhaps you are delusional or in denial. You need help, so go to mommy! Plus, it's always better to stand in between two extremes. There's no need to be too good or too cruel. Hence, I feel some emotions are better shown and revealed without guilt. Even though I can't control the aftereffect.

You can call me wrong, you can say I'm ugly and speak everything you wish about my opinions but it doesn't matter. It feels ok for me. I don't wish to sugarcoat the reality of life. My words speak the truth I have learnt, which I assume is valid from my perspective. Too good could land you in a 'too bad'-situation. Agree?

Keeping everything aside, let's just admit this one thing, we all claim we know what is right and what is wrong, so how did the world became so polluted of broken hearts and hurtful words? 

Of course I can't blame the cat sleeping on my shoe shelf, isn't it? It's us! Humans! I don't know what had happened to the world, including myself that I feel mistakes are in the recent times done rather consciously than unconsciously. Perhaps our morals are descending with the drastically increasing amount of stress of the ever-busy world. We don't mind hurting because we have been hurt. We are trying so hard to make the unfair life fair and equalize everyone else's equations like it's at all possible. I know I'm failing, hope you will realize it too. But will we ever stop trying? That's a point to ponder!

(God, I wish I hadn't known this much. Shoot me please! )

Renuka G

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Wisdom-ized

Somewhere between the soaring spirit and rusting memories I realize I have grown so much. You might be praying that I have expanded sideways or floating like a balloon with a melting chocolate in my hand, but sorry you are wrong. I have grown as in, I have matured in my ways of thinking and actions. As cheesy as that I might have sounded, it is no tall-tale.

Below is a prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference. (Serenity Prayer)

It's not like I have been sitting here praying each and every single day. In fact, I just found this today. I thought it bore so much truth to the extent where I can't help but sharing. 

These are the only crucial things we have to know isn't it? The ability to accept some things we can't change so we can live the next day with a peaceful-mind. The courage to change those which are within our means, and finally to recognize which is what. Not everything in life are reversible. If we have the rewind and pause buttons we have always desired, perfect won't be superficial anymore. Remember, life is no media player. It is a ground for strong contenders to battle it out. But strong isn't all about flexing muscles and boxing hurdles in it's face, endurance is a synonym to go to in some situations. However, when an opportunity to flip things over arise, be sure to muster the courage giving it a try. Don't be hasty, stop being too persistent, choose wisely what to endure and which one to change.

Too many things happen often leaving us confused about what's the best for us, that's very true. Therefore learn to put emotions behind and think with your head. Emotions are the worst dictator of all.. It will mess with your beliefs and leak your tear glands and make your hair fall as soon as you begin prioritizing it. Do you fancy that? Like seriously? Think about it. 

Bottomline, if you want to be matured my advice is, master the mentioned three, the ability to endure, change and recognize which is what. Try to reason the good behind a bad occurrence, pursue a dream if there's still a chance and last but not least, accept success and failure as the part and parcel of life.

No man lives in a paradise, but nobody said he can't create one.

Renuka G

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