Are you game?

The feeling. That damned feeling is back.

People often perceive success as the result of consistent acceptance and fixture of failures. It's like using the negatives to open path to the positives adhering much to the core-most rule of life , ups and downs. As much as you wish you could run, it's the simple motion of a ball bouncing back from a surface. You move back and forth between sweetness and the bitter-side of events, you hit and bounce back.

Although there's a slim chance that you possess a complete anatomy and mechanics similar to ball, more often that is not the case. Sometimes a hit is all you need to fall face-down . At times a hit is more than enough to cripple you so long that it twists the plot altogether.

This is not some friendly prescription of motivational dose nor a faint-sprinkle of fairy dust to the world.

Welcome to rock bottom!

Exactly where life serves you a platter of cold, raw meat at a dinner table with depression and helplessness as sidelines. You wish you could look for inspiration and search restlessly the self-esteem that you know had hidden itself somewhere but to no avail. Again, welcome to rock bottom!

Here, you will chase after a shooting star while simultaneously being frisked by the most daunted of all fears in the real world, the fear of failure. You will run like a mad dog after a bone only to discover the price of the wish is not the chase.

Time will neither be your enemy nor your friend. Time is a distant variable which mocks you and your efforts while still being in motion. You wait, you wait for the clues that it may drop. In your mind you build thoughts that time will soon favour you, it will soon divert its path towards you. You wish and you keep wishing as it continuously proves you wrong.

The final bashing you have at rock bottom, the withdrawal of hope. We are born equipped with a belief system. A system that could collapse like any other. Your good thoughts will soon turn grey and eventually die. And a negative belief system is a dead-system afterall. Wishes will be replaced by anger which will accumulate into merciless acts of self-destruction. Nothing matters. Anything  becomes everything and everything becomes anything. Now, you are officially game.

Only once in a while, an occasional reflection on the mirror will bombard you with questions of your long-gone identity. It would be fun. Everyone loves a little mystery. The moments of struggle to discover the exact turning point which destroyed you to unrecognizable and non-fixable state would challenge your own curiosity.

This is where you return to square one.

The question though is, will it lead you back to a moment of sheer-bitterness or destructive-sweetness?

Renuka G

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Sinned-Saint

I have heard of people going on a journey of self-discovery and coming back confused still. I'm different though. I know too much. I know too much about my own self that my inner soul dies to shoot me every time I expose that profound knowledge . Anyone on the same boat?  I can recognize my weakness and strengths, my positive side and the little devil within me, also my ego which measures bigger than my head. YES I just admitted that, stop rubbing your eyes.

I wish I hadn't known this much. It's like committing a crime consciously. It's like making a mistake fully realizing it is one. I can't put it any simpler, unless you are a kid!

The one bad thing about the mentioned is, your instincts telling you what's next. I can predict my actions and it gets creepy over the time. It's like a cliche. Every situation is a no-brainer for I know how I will react to it. It can be so accurate that sometimes I wish I could stop the obvious. More often than a not, I ignore it. You feel me?  Perhaps it is my plain belief of self-discovery being, knowing who you are and accepting fully the outcome. So obviously I'm not innocent. 

Knowing and accepting is a far concept from changing and preventing. I have known and accepted the negative and positive sides of myself, like a boss. However, as far as the other two are concerned, I'm helpless. Or maybe I choose not to help myself. Hey, I am no saint, and I don't fancy being one. The world is no place for the purest of hearts and cleanest of minds. If you think it is, perhaps you are delusional or in denial. You need help, so go to mommy! Plus, it's always better to stand in between two extremes. There's no need to be too good or too cruel. Hence, I feel some emotions are better shown and revealed without guilt. Even though I can't control the aftereffect.

You can call me wrong, you can say I'm ugly and speak everything you wish about my opinions but it doesn't matter. It feels ok for me. I don't wish to sugarcoat the reality of life. My words speak the truth I have learnt, which I assume is valid from my perspective. Too good could land you in a 'too bad'-situation. Agree?

Keeping everything aside, let's just admit this one thing, we all claim we know what is right and what is wrong, so how did the world became so polluted of broken hearts and hurtful words? 

Of course I can't blame the cat sleeping on my shoe shelf, isn't it? It's us! Humans! I don't know what had happened to the world, including myself that I feel mistakes are in the recent times done rather consciously than unconsciously. Perhaps our morals are descending with the drastically increasing amount of stress of the ever-busy world. We don't mind hurting because we have been hurt. We are trying so hard to make the unfair life fair and equalize everyone else's equations like it's at all possible. I know I'm failing, hope you will realize it too. But will we ever stop trying? That's a point to ponder!

(God, I wish I hadn't known this much. Shoot me please! )

Renuka G

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That Pretty Dress

When a dress is new, we hunt down events to wear them. To flaunt it's freshness, to let the world see the beautiful design of it, with a smile rather as perfect as the dress itself. We make home out of a mirror, turning to the right, to the left,  moving like a ballerina on top of a music box. What an amazing sight. 

Time will pass. And the same dress you once donned at every significant event of your life, will soon wear off. The stitches might become loose. Faded. A little torn at the side. Now the perfect beautiful dress is left somewhere among the rest of the daily wear and tear section. Sometimes when you open and slide close the wardrobe it peeks out at you in desperation, hoping someday you will pick it once again. Positivity is such a pain but just like love, hopes can be blind to. 

Do you think something that is used all out will ever be someone's pick rather than a mere option? 

The answer is no. People do not cling to things that don't make them look good anymore. They are always in a mad-search for something fresh, something they do not have. But little do they know, that too will wear off. The world is designed in a way that what enters ,shall exit. Some things wear off, some disappear, some forgotten while the rest is thrown. Permanent might be the memories and impact, yet presence is never the case. 

You can try running as far as you can I bet, our fate though is similar to the dress mentioned. We come all fresh and new, we shine, we impress, and the mighty sword of time takes its course. One day we are all just memories. Naah this doesn't only apply to death, it applies to everything. Relationships, success, etc etc.

Life is tough, get a helmet.

Renuka G

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Spreading joy

You can sit where you are and spend a lifetime chasing after things you think will make you cheese, or you may opt  to open your eyes to the beautiful world around you. 

It doesn't matter if it's a lemon or a lemonade that life throws at you, find joy in simplicity. Don’t let negative situations or people become you. There's no excuse to change the good in you. Hold firm to your ground !

People leave a profound impact on us, our thinking and our behaviour, therefore, choose those who want in your circle cautiously. Most importantly, don't give mind to those who don't matter. Take and give more chances to speak good, mean good and do good to the world instead of peeping through someone's skirt and fanning it.

Next, stop worrying about living the best. If you think today wasn't as good as you wished, you will always appreciate the tomorrows . Live more with days rather than living the best everyday, for that's when you know the benign effect of a mistake. Life is about trial and errors, experiment all along. 

One more thing, attitudes are contagious; spread joy and strive to inspire! The world needs a heads up before the negative vibes drown us all.

Renuka G

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Always a thumbs-up!

Lately I'm getting more and more reasons to start worrying. Sensing a  big voice screaming to my ears, 'Be afraid Renuka!'. As creepy as that might have sounded, it is even creepier to feel it by yourself. So the mighty question being, should we worry?

Well, of course! If a red warning sign so huge as a billboard is flashed right to your face, you got to react. But not so much. Worry leads to more worry for,  we are etched with the incredible ability of magnifying problems. Therefore, be careful how much you take in.

Rationally speaking, worrying is a pure waste of energy. We have way too many things that demands our attention every single day, and they deserve the priority seats. Worrying? It's like an absolute wet blanket, dragging away the fun and good spirit without you realizing it. Day-ruiner indeed! Keep them at bay.

Next,  stop worrying because it's going to be alright. Oh c'mon, how old are you? 20? 22? 2 decades and you haven't seen those metaphorical rainbows after the rain? It's going to be alright ok? Maintain a positive outlook. Not standing by the idea of being ignorant, what I'm trying to say is, act upon the problem without cringing. You can deal with things cool and calm, that's an option. Frowning isn't a requirement nor an obligation.

And finally, let's cross the river when we come to it. This saves hell a lot of stress!

Trust me, the first step towards happiness is knowing to take control of your emotions, be it worries, depression, confusion etc etc. Only when you've accomplished that step, life morphs into a sweet journey .

Renuka G

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Let's box it off

Today was a hell of a day I should say. It's not like I'm refusing to work hard or eyeing for an easy way out, all I wanted was a little smile amidst the trials. Perhaps I'm demanding too much I'm not sure. But it's ok. If this is what awaiting, I accept it. I'm making peace with what's has been set as the meant-to-be at the moment. We cross the river when we come to it, meanwhile, I'm gonna stay positive and stay determined of my resolutions.

All well ends well. It's going to be alright.

Looking at the bright side, every hurdle is a chance to learn, so why not take it easy? Having said that, I'm not planning to not cringe or wave the white flag, I'm fighting this battle. Haha battle sounds like a real strong word uh? Well a little exaggeration doesn't hurt.

Yea I know I'm being all vague about this one, bear with me please . It's not like I don't want to be point-blank, I prefer to be mysterious here and then :p

Renuka G

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....

One lesson life has taught me is that it goes on. Sometimes we feel like pausing, taking a break, going back and changing things but the truth is, none is realistic. Life is this moment and beyond. What's shelved is shelved, future is the only thing we can plan and sculpture.

No matter how bumpy the ride gets, always remember it stops for no one. Either you buckle up or wait over the impossible to save you which most probably won't arrive.

Life is a choice, so choose to move and keep moving forward :)

Good Day


Renuka G

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Fabric-ated Love

Like a flowy chiffon dress touched by the wind, it was a wonderful sight,

Like the sheen of Dupioni silk it brightened my days.

Like a pricy cashmere scarf, it gave the warmth I've yearned to feel,

Like a hand-loomed sweater no words could describe.

 

Too perfect that I called it an illusion.

So heart-warming till I gave away my doubts.

It was indeed just a vision,

of pure imperfection with zero flaws.

Or what the Universe called ,

Love .

Renuka G

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A Little Is Enough

Flowers and stars soothe our vision, smiles and laughters brighten our day, all in the world can sprinkle some happiness but what is their worth without a little appreciation.

People wake up everyday in chase of something, a pursuit, going after what's missing, searching for something new, to create a better tomorrow, to make perfect those imperfections. But one thing the mad  rush, crazy race fail to teach is, it's never about what's missing, life is always about what you already have. Things and people that stays regardless of situations, not the weight of your wallet which gets anorexic by day even when you strive so hard to make it obese or, even the temporary sadness and tough times that comes and goes like the novel-ideas in my head.  Oh that's so frequent !

Mistakes, bad decisions, even relationship-issues often are the ultimate result of this, seeking what's missing instead of embracing the joy in your grip. Looking for something better, perfect, superficial , i don't know, only to pet regrets at the end because of our own failure to appreciate.

I tell all my friend this, there's always something to be thankful for, every single day of your life and if you can find it, you sure know the secret to happiness.

Appreciate what you have, take a moment to smile at wonders in your life, be grateful the journey is still on.

Have a great day!

But Good Night for now :)

Renuka G

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The No-Brainers

snatch mine and i will still write !

A step- forward and a step-backward

That’s the tune the world hoofs around

A chin-up and a chin-down

That’s the culture we live about

Hands up then a 'hands-down'

That’s the hurdles we come pass

Stride on then we rot down

That’s the end of each of us.

Quick poem in 7 minutes! 

Renuka G

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Irksome

Another irksome day in this chapter of mine

With nothing but converging thoughts

Frisking me into abstinence.

Things seem to be a bungled mess

While a runny overwhelming fever

Flowing swiftly into the drab cavern.

A distinct memory of an ended euphory

A poignant meet with the subtle reality

Triggering shudder beneath the shelved hope




Renuka G

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Hazy Morning,Blurry Thoughts

Smile 1st! then read...

On a hazy morning,

A thought floating across the blurry mind

Mirroring past actions and the whys behind them

Is this really me it asked,

A question breaking all actions.

As the silence speaks no justification,

Consequences cloud the shrouded future.

Its a dilemma indeed,

Which might dim but never depart.

Renuka G

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Sometime ago

its time to reward myself for all the sleepless nights and frizzy hair

I thought tough things will never end
I  assumed time will never budge

I wrote, I erased
I swore, I cursed

But this moment feels so great indeed
as if i'm willingly looking back,
at those silly times I was stressing over.

How good it feels to have finally crossed the river
which was once mistaken for a savage ocean

So as the horizon attempts a touch
Make way while i sit and sneer
At my own self some time back

Renuka G

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To a Friend

This montage of a long gone friendship,

There was the real you, there was the old me

A story made indeed that is now a memory.

Little do I know how it started?

But how can I forget what we treasured

Wars everyday yet nothing was lethal

No sorrys, no hurts that was we always

Friendship though is fragile as said

A storm as mighty didn’t spare us anyway

Now I see you as same as yesterdays

But a word though hardly sails.

Renuka G

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Simple Pleasures

I should really thank god for yesterday. It was such a wonderful day from the beginning till the end which dragged even more happiness after midnight.

Some things I did:

Cleaned my room and decorated it a little

Got my usual weekend chocolate treat

Spoke to my dad about my trip back ( Glad that I can go home soon, yet still delaying the ticket purchase! *sighs*)

A friend did something sweet despite his hectic schedule and the time difference

Revised!! ( oh yes, I did =))

Cycled with friends

Updated 2 blogs

Replied my Interpals messages ( which I often delay for days, unless you're a friend already)

But these are the usuals. Sometimes it happens , sometimes laziness invades and freezes my actions putting me to sleep most of the time. No big deal.

However one event got me flying high because it has never taken place before.

I slept too much the day before, hence, yesterday I wasn't feeling sleepy much. As any other days like this, I was on my bed reading my ibook trying to doze off and pursue my dreamland. Then I received a chat-message from a friend via facebook messenger, and as the chat went on and on, he requested for a poem. It was like 4am. And to my own surprise I agreed when most of the time I would raincheck on things that involves too much thinking after 2. He allowed me to have 5 minutes to create yet I preferred to start off straight, and go line by line.Of course the first line I plagiarized from an old poem of mine, others were brand new. The poem was really short, like 4 verses yet I made my friend happy. And the fact that he posted it on his facebook wall, made my day!

I never knew I could write a poem at instant, I never knew I'd please a friend at wee hours, but these are just petty things I realized yesterday. The most important part is, I understood how words can actually lift people. The poem must have made him happy for a few reasons, one being I fulfilled his request, second is of course what the poem meant.  Therefore, words without a tinge of doubt can do wonders. Universal truth right?

What took place certainly motivates me to write more stuffs to lift spirits and spread happiness instead of complaining of whats and whys. People who possess talent in music, soothe hearts with their voice and melody, people who can dance, entertain us with all they have breaking a sweat on the dance floor, I can write, so why not use it make someone's day better?

Maybe I won't be scribbling poems everyday at 4, but I have this blog, and two other, I can create wonders if only I put my heart into it. And this too reminds me of my dad's advice some time ago to always write good things and be an inspiration and guidance to others.

Makeover time again I guess =)

Renuka G

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More to life

I have heard from the broken-hearteds, they speak too much pain.
I have been told about victims seeking a little shade, they are exhausted within.
I have read something on the truth-seekers, they are eagerly searching still.

I have seen people, real people behind each story
and each of them are survivors to be awed indeed.

Who can't be beaten down by circumstances,
who can pursue life even with much burden to bear,
who can inspire despite the hurdles they confront each day.

They might have looked backward, but still are moving forward,
They might have failed once, yet striving to beat the odds.

SO ,the second you feel this life is of no worth, think of them.
They sure have something to teach and you sure have something to learn.

And if it's one of your story that I've shared, thank you for being such an inspiration :)

Love,

Renuka G 

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Better kept less

A disastrous storm could end up a slave to the wind, a major triumph might get stepped by ill wills, nobody knows.

Certainly agree, hopes at times do keep us going. Meanwhile expectations, mirrors a foolhardy trick we play upon ourselves, of what it should and should not be.

You could even be armed by the best forecast, who knows maybe the lady luck herself , but believe me friends, it's worth so less, for reality, it strikes so well.

Save the disappointments, save the fuss,
Expectations are risks, don't play to regret.
Today it might seem like a pretty bird in hand, tomorrow perhaps, its the feathers that remain. 

So let me remind you to save the stress, expectations, they are better served less!
But if you still want to pursue a mess, I sure wish you all the best!

Renuka G

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The fabler, a poem

You might have whispered the lies right,

You might have written it to last,

You might have spread it little fast,

But we’ll see.

You must have loved that feeling hard,

You must have shouted it loud,

You must have felt superior at last,

But you shall see.

For I'm so much better to walk pass

I can be happy and not fuss

I even dealt the trouble you tossed

For you ’sick-rumour’, shall always remain nothing 

but a foxy fabler who falls.

A  poem by,

Renuka G

I have not written a poem for some time, so here you go. A poem about rumours. The first stanza is all about the ways rumours are spread and how they often are; full of lies, travels fast and sometimes they even last for a long time. Yet the poet maintains a nonchalant composure. Meanwhile,the second stanza covers the excitement over the success and attention received by the gossip which the poet again doesn't seem to get agitated by . In the 3rd stanza, it is proven that the poet is the least shaken and had chosen happiness over worries, eventually, revealing the true colors of 'rumour', which is nothing but a  zero-truth bearer.

Throughout the poem,  'rumour' is a personified subject thus, explaining the use of pronoun 'you' and even better, the poem actually rhymes!

Really wish I could write poems more often. Love spending time mixing and matching words to go together! It's indeed a wonderful feeling 'to create'.

Good Night folks!

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