Freedom is a choice

It was just a few days before my 24th birthday that I decided to opt out from Facebook and now it has been a month away from the ever so-coveted social networking site. Well given the past, this isn't at all a new scenario since I have deactivated my Facebook for countless times in the past few years, for numerous reasons which somehow in some ways navigated me back where I wanted to elude. I was undecided. Safe to say, most people are indeed undecided. While there are kids trying to snoop into it disregarding their parents' opinions, there are Gen-Ys getting sick and bored of the brag-worthy filtered-life filling the void between conversations and work.

The intention to leave is there however, it is also followed by the dread of FOMO ( Feeling Of Missing Out). As much as some of us want the world to talk about the most general of things, people actually, are just impossibly generous with their knowledge of people which is unfortunate. Sitting at lunch discussing over a friend's new life event which you apparently missed, isn't cool. Or to be precise, will not be accepted as cool. While your degree of coolness decreases and ego gets bruised, you will then be reminded of what an alien you are among that group of friends. Not to burst your bubble but waving goodbye to your sense of belonging is hard because that without a doubt is a basic human need, blame Maslow. The next thing you know you are scrolling hungrily to feed yourself everything you've missed or in another simple, blunt note is called 'stalking'.

If you are all set  to survive the awkwardness, there comes another complication. Something is extremely wrong with society these days but it's hard to blame it on them. I guess you'd admit if I were to claim Facebook to be the most convenient platform for file sharing if you are not in an organization which wants things to be done the right way instead of the easy way, or perhaps simply has restricted you access to the site during office hours. Isn't it just so easy to drag a couple of files while you still keep up with the ever-updating feeds? Yes, Google drive was invented for a reason so does iCloud, Evernote etc but who cares right? Considering the "innovation", people assume Facebook to be the next big thing they should never abandon.

Let's just say you are prepared to stand by the pain of organizing a storage drive, you just feel the emptiness of life in between tv commercials, awkward moments while waiting for your food and a weird sense of guilt over the reason behind the smartphone in your grip. Then you bounce back ! I had those reasons messing my stand and many more I can't elaborate yet I've survived. Perhaps it would sound really wrong to say I kind of don't miss it anymore. Everything mentioned above are temptations which are indeed possible to overcome. I fought those excuses to alternatives which eventually formed new habits. I'm happy up to this point.

Facebook isn't bad as long as it isn't an addiction. The problem though is, are you sure you're not a slave yet? On a different note, do you even care? Stick to what matters to you. I just done, at least amidst this ever-increasing pile of work .

Renuka G

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The Vision

While we were making headlines in some local newspapers this morning, an incident at school hit me real hard inside. Honestly speaking, I admit I'm not much of a teacher from within. I do my job. I take responsibilities seriously and that's that. Sometimes, just sometimes I get really overwhelmed with certain things which afflicts me. I dislike kids, true. However, sympathy is an emotion I shower my pupils with because I know they deserve it.

I was having basically sharing with a colleague about the frustrations and disappointments I land myself in every day because of the pupils' lack of effort and zero ambition. It was not a surprise that we were in the same boat. That was when she told me something which saddened me beyond belief. This is not my passion. This is not even close to what I wanted to be. But this feeling is real. I was upset when she revealed what these kids will eventually become someday. The girls will either be working after high school or married. The boys go astray. Those who actually make it to the university are so few, what more those who really succeeds and leave a mark?

For some reasons, I feel some of us are very lucky to be born in a place where education is attainable and accessible. Plus we are blessed to be born in a family which values the ability to read and write than petty skills and norms. These kids, not all but most of them are unfortunate. One of the reason I could coin based on their attitude would be lack of inspiration. They have nobody's success to drool at. The only influence they have is the TV channels which repeatedly air programmes full of sobbing, revenge and everything negative enough to spoil a kid's thoughts into an adult's mind-frame. They do not enjoy internet access like we do. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad one yet, for a kid to not know who is Mahatma Gandhi and their own state is a serious issue I guess.

There are countless number of problems and issues within this small community and the children are simply the scapegoat of a reality which have been going on for years or perhaps decades.
It's a sad case scenario indeed.
Who to blame?
Who to change?
How to transform?
I guess every single teacher with or without passion would at least once thought about this. But in a place as such, heat of the moment would be a joy to watch yet it gets cold real fast and the next thing you know the past repeats itself somehow or someway. It's similar  to a pendulum which sways with a push so fast and gets slow , eventually stopping at point . The next push and no matter how many more that comes won't last forever, either.

Sympathy, anger and frustration are mundane routines which leave me with guilt. Perhaps my expectations are high. Maybe I'm trying too hard that I fail the same way. I feel lost figuring the small steps which leads to a big change. The hope is there still, though. When there's a will, there's a way, right?

Renuka G

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Go ahead, fuss!

I'm not complaining. Believe it if you are dumb ! I apparently, most certainly, without a single percent of doubt ,am complaining. How else would you sanely and rationally put it?

I could possibly be in denial. The condition in which a person justifies everything favoring to one's own fairytale-ish thoughts. But unfortunately you can't frame me on that this time . This is a shameless confession on my presumably self-destructive behavior. Or better put as an idea.

I'm complaining. I took me a long while to figure the name for the ongoing process for I was constantly tapping on the imaginary denial button in my head which was pretty fun to play with, honestly speaking. I could conclude from the end findings which followed the revelation, I wasn't actually doomed. To my relief, I wasn't.

What's wrong with complaining ? Have you had like one day in your life that you accept every single thing which happened? It could be the simplest ones like the morning alarm to phone notifications, we all have something that ticks us off . We wear our complaints the same way we wear our shades. Whenever necessary! It doesn't matter if it's RayBan or the one from an accessory shop behind your house, classiest or a useless complaint, we are certainly guilty of some. Or maybe not? Think again.

I guess complaints are fine. As long as you are not miserable everyday, it is of course alright to whine and lament. Our head do need quick intense surge of emotions like annoyance and anger combined in speedball motion now and then to just set us apart from robots and other gadgets the technology has given birth to. The only thing that makes us who we are, the Humans. 

I have complaints. Sometimes I can't even stop listing because they never end. It's so long I could make or break a record if there's any. But duhh, like I care? My complaints are comfortably occupying my head space not as a tenant but merely the furniture. Fully controlled by me. I move them, destroy them and manipulate them how-so-ever I wish. 

And I  believe a man without complaints is a man without thoughts. Come on, who wants to be that? 

Renuka G

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Are you game?

The feeling. That damned feeling is back.

People often perceive success as the result of consistent acceptance and fixture of failures. It's like using the negatives to open path to the positives adhering much to the core-most rule of life , ups and downs. As much as you wish you could run, it's the simple motion of a ball bouncing back from a surface. You move back and forth between sweetness and the bitter-side of events, you hit and bounce back.

Although there's a slim chance that you possess a complete anatomy and mechanics similar to ball, more often that is not the case. Sometimes a hit is all you need to fall face-down . At times a hit is more than enough to cripple you so long that it twists the plot altogether.

This is not some friendly prescription of motivational dose nor a faint-sprinkle of fairy dust to the world.

Welcome to rock bottom!

Exactly where life serves you a platter of cold, raw meat at a dinner table with depression and helplessness as sidelines. You wish you could look for inspiration and search restlessly the self-esteem that you know had hidden itself somewhere but to no avail. Again, welcome to rock bottom!

Here, you will chase after a shooting star while simultaneously being frisked by the most daunted of all fears in the real world, the fear of failure. You will run like a mad dog after a bone only to discover the price of the wish is not the chase.

Time will neither be your enemy nor your friend. Time is a distant variable which mocks you and your efforts while still being in motion. You wait, you wait for the clues that it may drop. In your mind you build thoughts that time will soon favour you, it will soon divert its path towards you. You wish and you keep wishing as it continuously proves you wrong.

The final bashing you have at rock bottom, the withdrawal of hope. We are born equipped with a belief system. A system that could collapse like any other. Your good thoughts will soon turn grey and eventually die. And a negative belief system is a dead-system afterall. Wishes will be replaced by anger which will accumulate into merciless acts of self-destruction. Nothing matters. Anything  becomes everything and everything becomes anything. Now, you are officially game.

Only once in a while, an occasional reflection on the mirror will bombard you with questions of your long-gone identity. It would be fun. Everyone loves a little mystery. The moments of struggle to discover the exact turning point which destroyed you to unrecognizable and non-fixable state would challenge your own curiosity.

This is where you return to square one.

The question though is, will it lead you back to a moment of sheer-bitterness or destructive-sweetness?

Renuka G

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Prescriptions

It is apparently true what people say about passion, it's an addiction. You will always bounce back like a ball slammed on a surface. Hence this new post justified.

The past few weeks had been pretty overwhelming. I could say 'hard' but it won't explain the truth. Not to pinpoint everything  on work, many other things took place further piling on mental strain. It was a feeling close to drowning but far from panic. The cherry on top is, I reacted so less. I used to jump at every instance and let those tears roll as if it's the proper way to deal with a breakdown. You might think I'd say I'm stronger. Unfortunately, that's not the case. 

I just do not care about some things anymore. Whatever that took place in the past taught me to take life as it unfolds. There is no need to over think the unpredictable, stalk and investigate, or even to question the whys. Everything that you need to know will be brought to you someday, someway. I have so much to do and learn and that I won't compromise for anything. Some people are passing clouds, I would never invest so much trying to hold on to something that would't fit me in the long term. 

One thing I have to get off my chest though. There are certain individuals in the world who thinks life is what they live and everybody else is wrong. Foolish I say. Your life is how you choose to engineer it. If someone brainwashes you into believing a formula to a happy life is what that's in their hands, punch them right on their face! It has never worked that way. If you ever beg someone to show you the right path, then do punch yourself! It's more like finding the perfect pair of shoes. You have to try a few pairs, walk a few steps, pick the right color, think about the most practical choice and weigh your wallet. Simply put, in life you have to take a few decisions and evaluate all of them so you find your own equation that is applicable to your personal life. 

It is not tough but truth be told, we are only afraid of the possible negative outcome. We belittle our abilities to design our lives and settle for anything that we saw perfect from a spectator's angle. Remember, all that shines is not gold.  The same eyes that enables vision are famous for deceptions as well. In short, stop prescribing formulas and receiving formulas. The experiences we had have reasons. Use them to find yourself, and later pursue whatever the hell you want!

Renuka G

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Dancing with weights

Yesterday of all the days got me swinging to the peak of happiness. It was those times you feel so much joy and the reason seems to be plenty to name. Perhaps because I have always been away in the past that this long long stay home has gotten pretty overwhelming.

I love enjoying the moments in my life. Be it the rough ones or the sweetest happenings, I always take some time to muse over things and embrace whatever that's happening. It was indeed the happiest thing to be home and taste homemade ponggal after 5 years, at the same time realising that I might not have this luxury in the coming years. Ok it may have sounded like a military man returning to his camp but a teacher too possibly has the same reality. Some of the teachers serving in the interiors of Sabah and Sarawak have their family back in the peninsular. It's not easy to travel back and forth setting aside the expenses for one journey home. Yet they are making it happen! Every single day in the jungles where even a phone call is a matter of luck and blessings.

But I'm happy even if that shall be my destiny. And by god's will I will be happy. I leave that to time. Who knows, I might get posted somewhere near, right?  Back to my story. I love watching the way people show their love and care. Home is the best place you are privileged to see both. I'm enjoying every single moment of it. Sometimes you just don't need to demand, fuss or try at all. You are sent the best people to be with. They stick with you no matter what. I have my dad, my family and the people I have met in the past two years. They are gems! And yes I will always specifically mention my dad because he deserves every single  praise and he will always be the man who  only gave the best to me. 

I was happy like really happy, so happy that I could even cry. It's amazing to be feeling all this. On top of all, it's amazing to just be me. I even skipped cardio and held the dumbbells dancing in the room yesterday  which probably torched more calories  or at least I assume so. 

Gratitude is of dire importance! A day like this absolutely earns itself a post. It's not like a bad day doesn't deserve one. From my perspective, I strongly believe things that I put up on the net should be motivational and positive. I had come a long way to realise how important it is to only see things that makes me happy. Hence I want to grant my readers or random strangers who stop by the same privilege through my blog which is, to read good thoughts. None of you random people knows me but if my words could shine your day with positivity and hope, the blessing will somehow come back to me. I always have faith in that.

Another day of happiness shall follow.

Renuka G

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Chicken and calories

Lately I have been feeling like a sick chicken even though I'm nowhere close to a hike in temperature or a reduced appetite. Low haemoglobin count could be the culprit but I have decided to not bring that to the stand. A felon on lease always since, I'm too scared of visiting the doctor's office. Blame the medicinal smell! (Dear kids in any government schools please disregard  the previous just to save my rapport at all future encounters that may exist)

I specifically chose to describe myself as a sick chicken because I feel tired for no reason and chicken seems to be an animal that is both adorable and feeds me well in many ways. I love chickens, therefore it is an honour I gave myself via comparison.  

Being home and attempting to cook various dishes would make  me prone to weight gain on daily basis. Hence, this time once again I'm abiding by my fabfitfun (that's the name of a celebrity blog I stole) principle which makes exercising a daily routine. Prickly since it has been close to two months that I was busy pampering my body, it seems to rebel against the calorie burning efforts leaving me like a sick chicken right after a 15 secs-plank. Today I was even about to fall asleep on the mat! Geez!

Why am I complaining? 

Just so it sticks better to my brain as I  rewrote the  scenario. 

Quality workout is crucial because my meals seem to be the richest of quality and, generous of calories. I can't afford to lay on the floor or lay eggs on the yoga mat. If I don't sweat it out enough then I can live on smoothies for the rest of the month! 

Brain, you heard that? Happy? Or you still want that cheesy sphagetti?

Game face on!

Renuka G 

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End of Degree

Five and a half years of journey and not dedicating a post to honour it would be a shame. 

They say everything starts with a dream. My life in IPGM though kicked off with lots of tears, disappointments, did severe damage to my self-esteem yet progressed somehow. Life begins at the end of one's comfort zone, couldn't agree more. Despite all that broke me and wound me, I survived. The credit definitely goes to the wonderful souls I met along the way. Some who sat beside me and listened, the rest who touched my life from a far distance. Thank you is not suffice to show how much I appreciate your kindness. 

There were phases so tormenting I came pass. The fact that I am calm enough today to recall them is just the power of time which turned things over. Nothing lasts forever is both a happy and sad phrase. In this case it is most certainly something I am smiling while writing it down. I don't know your story but this is mine. Speaking from my perspective, all that I am now is everything that happened to me. My past made me myself. Even though it was never in my dreams to teach, the five years were a journey of self-discovery of a kind. I have no grand confessions that my interests have changed, I love what I am doing, I can't wait to be working. No. I can't lie to myself. That is what I learnt.

For many years I lived that way. Lying to myself, giving myself excuses, refusing to accept what is right in front of my eyes, denying reality, trying to be someone I am not. But every single mistake gave me a lesson which I fortunately took as a voice from above. Instincts were a good companion I should say.  I didn't change because I wanted to, it was the call of circumstances that somehow made a huge impact on the person I am. It took me half a decade to finally discover my passion and build my dreams. Along the way I also picked up some great truths about people, relationships and the course of life in general. My story so far seem perfect with the flaws and damages because that is what it was meant to be like. And I am happy to  be holding the pen still.

This degree means so little compared to the experiences but it is of course the milestone which will bring me closer to my dreams. Yes I know what I want to do, like finally.

People sometimes have an unrealistic image of what life should be like and jumps into comparing theirs with the person beside them. It doesn't work that way. We all will achieve different things at different stages after different struggles and different experiences. Life begins when you believe that you too are entitled for success and happiness though not at this right moment, at the same level with someone else. Dream, believe in it, work hard and don't stop till you bask the fruits. That is what I learnt. Nothing beats a strong heart and mind. Once you get the perfect balance of both, you are on your way towards something great.

While some of my peers are celebrating, I am still positively outlining my route to success. I can't wait to make my dreams come true. I am happy what I did not enjoy showed me what I should be doing. Who knew, right?

Never underestimate the experiences life put you through, there's a reason behind everything that had happened. I am humbled and I am thankful. Having said that, I would like wish everyone in my life well and good luck in their future undertakings. You all made this possible.

Renuka G

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23rd and moving on

Old habits die hard. The habits that we pick up at some point of time once fossilized within us won't leave us. Just like a tattoo, we take them everywhere we go, for as long as we live. I think I am not alone. We all have at least one habit that irks  us so much but has become a rock that won't budge from our daily lives. Be it a common nail-biting routine or an embarrassing stalking-the-past agenda, we all had at some moment got sick of it and became determined to quit though it never was the reality the next moment.

Since I have just turned 23 officially, I am here to talk about habits, habits that I want to wrap up and dispose before they could define me. As we grow, our curiosity grows with us. I guess. The sudden need for details and explanations and justifications drive us crazy. After-all we are all humans chasing behind the truth. To satisfy ourselves, we often develop some silly habits that mounts to nothing but more heartache and mental-torture. Yes I just wrote mental-'torture', you read it right!

Making a guess, we humans like to calculate our losses and gains in some ways just to balance the equation or even better feel good about the gains. If we find out that a person who rejected us having a tough time, we feel like a thousand dollar deposited into our account. Something like that. But the truth being, there is no explicit gain for any party in this situation. The next day we are all going to move on with our work and the silly habit of stalking become a small dessert during lunch. And that was just an example.

My point is simple, I think the ugliest habits most people especially girls suffer from is stalking. The root of the cause being their inability to let go. In my life, as years passed I did let go of some things and people. However, as new people walk out the door, the curiosity kicks in again. I do not wish to be curios of people and their behaviour anymore. In fact I am embarrassed of this habit. The other day someone wise advised me to not do or see things that will hurt myself. It was indeed eye-opening. I owe it all to that person.

I think it is about time I focus on my future. I have so much ahead of me. Having a degree won't do my ambition any justice. I am far behind I should say. Masters would be a long hectic journey, pursuing my passion for baking and make-up would be another. Then I want to travel around the world, then I want to this, I want to do that. I do not want some ugly habits to crack me and slow me down because everything somehow will bruise your self-esteem and that definitely makes a huge difference. Don't think it is fair to put my dreams at stake for some silly loss-gain balance.

Apart from all the seriousness, I had an awesome birthday. Thank you to my dad who has always been sweet, for that person who called and wished at 12, my sister and my sisters in IPG who made my day extra special. God I am gonna leave Terengganu with so much good memories and a handful of great friends!

Renuka G

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Sunshine and Rainbows

I don't think you need thousand moments to tell you if you are happy and a thousand and one more to tell if you are a sad soul. All we actually need is to count our blessings. Sometimes we expect too much from people but we fail to realize they have their moods and rough days too. We think life is a straight line build with tons of roses and all sweet things but we miss the roughness of the surface underneath.

Count your blessings.

If yesterday meant something, it sure did. Somehow someday it might repeat, who knows? If today was tough, that's alright, tomorrow it will be past already. Be happy ! It is all in the mind. Smiles are prettier than a frown and nothing compares a good laugh at the end of any day of your life.

There is just so much to be thankful for. Never brood around sadness or self-pity too much, it might become a habit. Happy pills are addictive, blessings are wonderful. So remember,you are your choices!

Life is good for me, how about you?

Renuka G

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The go-to strategy

I had been busy for a couple of months in which I felt nothing but stress. The simplicity of my thoughts and the tamed curiosity held me so close to my responsibilities at hand. Had I not enjoyed those moments?  It was like dating loneliness so deeply that I even desire to take it home with me. Now that the tasks at hand are framed aside, thoughts are wandering, literally everywhere!

I know this means trouble. The return of the whys and why-nots are messing with my head and hey, you two are not welcomed! This is real, my thoughts just unlocked themselves and they seem to be enjoying the limitless space they could occupy while I sit here ranting about the tragedy.

Sometime ago I decided to not commit into a relationship and, be comfortable with the love that I'm blessed with from the people who are already in  my life. Well, so far I had not lost the battle. But you know thoughts, they can be extremely annoying and persuasive in convincing you something is wrong and something is lacking. It is like a mosquito bite-situation. You scratch, you are bruised, you resist, head explodes! Similarly, thoughts are messing with my self-control like a boss as I sit on ehow figuring how to make a padlock to keep my self-control intact. Just shoot me now!

I wonder how they do it :p

Reality check, self-control requires some positive thoughts to counter attack the frenzy thoughts. Here comes the role of ambitions! I do not know about the world population and their views but for me, ambitions are to be fulfilled prior big commitments like marriage especially. So why should I rush? Don't I have too much time to wait for Prince charming? Plus, loneliness seem to get along pretty well with me, judging based on its hesitance to leave me of course. Again, why rush?

my life is colourful still, so why bother ?!! :D

My principle of life is pretty simple. I do not care about fame and recognition, I just want to learn. Learn about everything that mesmerizes me, tickles my curiosity and interests me. Commitments may not stop me from learning, but it does change some things. Call me selfish, I don't think it is risk worth thinking.

Let the random thoughts use up its last bullet, I will be holding tight to my passion and ambitions. My heart is safe in a space surrounded with positivity and just enough ego to keep me going.

Renuka G

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Just live!

I no longer believe life has to be fair what-so-ever. It happens to every single one of us. We cannot resist nor demand reasons behind things that takes place. It is the way it goes. Sometimes it's like a cool breeze ,at times it's a bad storm. Embrace it either way. Put behind those raging emotions and curiosity, just let it happen to you. You will be thankful someday for all the experiences.

I'm thankful for everything that I have been through

Life does not have to be fair always. If you want to grow, learn to accept that fact. Keep walking, no matter what happens, keep going. Nothing is worth stopping for. Life is too short for pauses, I guess. And life is too precious that you can't weigh its fairness on a lever.

Enjoy the mystery, ignore the what-ifs, don't look to the right, don't look to the left, just live! You know you are AMAZING!

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Hmm

Days just pass by like this. The same old routine. The day starting will all smiles, morphing into frustrations and later tears. So mundane that tomorrow has become very much predictable. I feel so lost while having my hopes crushed further hard each passing moment. It's not like I didn't try, I did. It's not like I gave up, I'm still fighting the battle. The worst part is, I miss being me.I forgo many things in life because I simply wanna stay happy and escape the stress. This is the ultimate wake-up call I assume, life knows your weakest point. It knows where it hurts.

Just like everyone else, I too have a force pulling me down every time I try to get up.

That's life, right?  No one gets it easy.

Renuka G

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Wisdom-ized

Somewhere between the soaring spirit and rusting memories I realize I have grown so much. You might be praying that I have expanded sideways or floating like a balloon with a melting chocolate in my hand, but sorry you are wrong. I have grown as in, I have matured in my ways of thinking and actions. As cheesy as that I might have sounded, it is no tall-tale.

Below is a prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference. (Serenity Prayer)

It's not like I have been sitting here praying each and every single day. In fact, I just found this today. I thought it bore so much truth to the extent where I can't help but sharing. 

These are the only crucial things we have to know isn't it? The ability to accept some things we can't change so we can live the next day with a peaceful-mind. The courage to change those which are within our means, and finally to recognize which is what. Not everything in life are reversible. If we have the rewind and pause buttons we have always desired, perfect won't be superficial anymore. Remember, life is no media player. It is a ground for strong contenders to battle it out. But strong isn't all about flexing muscles and boxing hurdles in it's face, endurance is a synonym to go to in some situations. However, when an opportunity to flip things over arise, be sure to muster the courage giving it a try. Don't be hasty, stop being too persistent, choose wisely what to endure and which one to change.

Too many things happen often leaving us confused about what's the best for us, that's very true. Therefore learn to put emotions behind and think with your head. Emotions are the worst dictator of all.. It will mess with your beliefs and leak your tear glands and make your hair fall as soon as you begin prioritizing it. Do you fancy that? Like seriously? Think about it. 

Bottomline, if you want to be matured my advice is, master the mentioned three, the ability to endure, change and recognize which is what. Try to reason the good behind a bad occurrence, pursue a dream if there's still a chance and last but not least, accept success and failure as the part and parcel of life.

No man lives in a paradise, but nobody said he can't create one.

Renuka G

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Resolutions?

Holla 2014! This is my first post of the horse year. Let's talk about resolutions. Resolutions, in my point of view, are the list of things or lies we convince ourselves with, to live better and feel better. However, since to live better one needs to keep up with it, to feel better might be the closer truth.   No? You are living in denial, buttercup! Resolutions are the extravagant ideas running in our heads, sometimes close to fantasy, that are formed in the so called curtain-rising excitement.

Having condemned it pretty badly, I of course did not make any. The reason being, I just wanna live. We make decisions every single day. If it's a good one, we change our lives for the better. There's no magic power to a four digit number to bring in determination, unless you choose it to be so. New Year is just another day.

Being a good street peeper, I realize most people make resolutions about their relationships, work and physiques. The mentioned reflects the most common issues everyone faces, like every single day. 2014 or 2015 or even 2020 can't help if your resolutions are mere handwritten list of improvisations-planned. One thing about hopping on a trend is that, it fades with time. Same goes with new year resolutions. Typical trend which will be chucked at a corner in just weeks time. First of all, do you even remember the resolution or resolutions you made the previous year?

The whole thing is like going into the hunger games with all the weapons yet dying because you don't know how they work. Only consolation being, the thought. But to think again, does it even matter? I mean the thought. Dreams without an action I guess. Or wait, people do work on their resolutions don't they? Like I previously said, for a period of time, till old habits start kicking in. They die hard honey! 1st day of the year is no magic date to throw in determination.

Come back to reality. Instead of dreaming big about going to work on time, eating healthy and spending more time with family, learn determination first. Any day can turn you into a new leaf as long as you are strong about something you wish. True strength comes from the heart and a healthy mind, not by looking at firework displays or through a liquored midnight.

Bottom line, 2014 is just another 2013, 2012 or any other past years. It's the whole roller coaster thingy once again. The big question is, what you wanna do differently this time? Don't over-think about resolutions. You know what you want. So make decisions as you go, as you need. Your first January can be even today or tomorrow. No one has missed the chance to relive the wrong choices YET.

Happy New Year fellas!

Renuka G

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Unwrapped

First and foremost, I wanna send a warning to tears! If at all you are reading, please be selective of situations to flow out from my eyes. I'm sick of dealing with mascara mess and wet cheeks. Plus waterproof make-ups don't sell cheap ok? Considering all that, and also this being a closure post of 2013, I would like you to by all means stay away!

Now back to my hopefully-existing-readers.

I finally got my exam results of the 6th semester. Happy and satisfied! But that's just about exams . On a bigger picture, 2013 was a tough tough year in which I put up a tough tough front. Well I have become pretty good at masking emotions over the years. Practice makes perfect they say. Though there were hundreds of hurdles and heart wrenching moments, everything somehow fell into place at the end.  No problem is eternal. And having said that, I definitely have to thank the man above us for all his blessings.

Leaving pain and hurt aside, let's talk about the happy things of 2013. I found a handful of amazing people to call friends. People come and go, that's one bunch. But there are those who come with lots of care and love and stays with all their heart. The rare bunch. I'm glad a few crossed my path. I hope they will be a part of my life forever . Believe me, forever is a strong word. I won't use it if I don't mean it.

Apart from all mentioned, 2013 changed me into someone who's proud to be who I am. Some people are born to love themselves, some takes time to appreciate who they are while the rest are all wannabes of different kinds. I was once a member of the wannabe team, not anymore though. I think I'm special. Ok that might have sounded too much like a self-obssessed maniac, but hey,  everyone is special. Hence, me insisting my share is purely benign. I'm happy to wake up in the morning being myself and satisfied going to bed as Renuka and nobody else. Sometimes, being a typical human that I am, negative thoughts do mess with my head of who I could have been and why I'm not Mary or Jane. But such thoughts do not last and 'that' characters do not exist :D

In my perspective, I strongly feel the most important thing in life is keeping one's emotions intact. I'm progressing well in mastering it, thus, I was very much enduring and strong this year. Glad no extremely wrong decisions were made , convinced life comes with numerous lessons, and proud another river had been crossed.

All in all, 2013 basically wrapped up fine. Or shall I say wrapping up fine?

2014 will be a whole new chapter itself. Can't wait to be curiously turning the pages.

Renuka G

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The thin line

I love burning bridges in the heat of the moment, and that's an ugly truth of mine. Well there's enough space to criticize my morals based on what has been stated but I waive that chance to those nitpickers out there.

Whether it's a weakness of mine or my character, I'm usually inclined to react to situations especially dramas in a very hasty manner . Just as much as I love to end them, I love to end them fast. Hence,  all points justified. 

What happens when someone lights a fire beneath your feet? You jump and you run . In this case we shall put it as, we quarrel and we part, or yes, we burn the bridges . It's just too typical even to deny it. 

Guilty as charged.

The funny scenario though is, at some point I find this bizarre desire to build those bridges again. Like apologizing for something I'm not solely to be blamed for ? Oh yea exactly that! It is certainly not the same with all cases, yet some drains my sympathy . Deep inside I wish I was not a typical human . (The next line might make me sound like a person with split personality disorder , so embrace yourself . )

I hate to burn bridges.

Renuka G or the other :p

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Lemons that made lemonade

Choices in life finally, always, comes down to two. Wants and needs. I believe everyone is much excited about wants rather than needs though the truth is usually, wants being the exaggeration or extension of our needs which may or may not be truly fundamental. Don't think there is necessity to further explain the mentioned because who wouldn't like getting things their way right?

For a fairly long time, I have been that person. I was obsessed about my wants. I want this, I wanted that, I wanted everything my way till the moment I was humbled by my own thoughts. Instead of looking at personal pleasures and interests, I begin to look at satisfaction. Satisfaction of fulfilling certain responsibilities that I deem everyone should bow to. Well, I'm not going to disclose that responsibility of mine but I believe everyone has at least one . The difference being, whether we ignore them because we are drowned by our wants or we embrace them because of our needs. I choose the latter.

Let me give a simple example. Water. We need water as that is human necessity. And we want chocolates. First we have to ensure we have enough supply of water, then we can go look for all the chocolates in the world. Just like that. Responsibilities are the musts, while desires are the supplementaries. At least that's how I believe it to be. And that's how it will be if you are not selfish.

Bottom line, life hit me with two choices, and I picked to render to my needs.  It might not end up a perfect journey, but it's the absolute right thing to do.

Renuka G

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Burning Bridges

Whatever that leaves you is for the good, that's my dad's way of confronting life. He always advises me to not bother if anything goes off my grip because it's just not meant to be.

Sometimes I look at past relationships, an old friend perhaps, thinking maybe things would have been different if I did it another way. Delusional tale. It's like meddling with a broken wheel. Only because it rolls when I spin it, doesn't mean it's gonna roll by itself in the long run. It will stop somewhere along the way, maybe so worse that it can't be fixed anymore. Just like that, when something or someone begin to show you the signs, keep the door wide open. Have faith because the same door will bring in the better sometime later

Many people waste too much time brooding over whether to burn or not burn the bridge. They carry with them too much doubts and what ifs that are not necessarily worth it. They cling too hard and handcuff themselves to the root of their issues hence refusing to let go the all-set-to-go baggage. Yes baggage. This baggage will soon turn into their biggest burden. Dragging a baggage might seem like strong act done with pride but remember, the farther you drag, the horrendous it gets.

Whatever that leaves you is for the good. Feel free to wave goodbye. Lets not be overly imaginative thinking it could work or it would have worked. Those who wants to stay will stay no matter what and those who wants to leave won't stop even if you put up an electric fence against it.

It's a beautiful life, spend it with those who wants to stay. And there's always a corner for baggages, always JUST a corner.

Till next time,

Renuka G

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That Pretty Dress

When a dress is new, we hunt down events to wear them. To flaunt it's freshness, to let the world see the beautiful design of it, with a smile rather as perfect as the dress itself. We make home out of a mirror, turning to the right, to the left,  moving like a ballerina on top of a music box. What an amazing sight. 

Time will pass. And the same dress you once donned at every significant event of your life, will soon wear off. The stitches might become loose. Faded. A little torn at the side. Now the perfect beautiful dress is left somewhere among the rest of the daily wear and tear section. Sometimes when you open and slide close the wardrobe it peeks out at you in desperation, hoping someday you will pick it once again. Positivity is such a pain but just like love, hopes can be blind to. 

Do you think something that is used all out will ever be someone's pick rather than a mere option? 

The answer is no. People do not cling to things that don't make them look good anymore. They are always in a mad-search for something fresh, something they do not have. But little do they know, that too will wear off. The world is designed in a way that what enters ,shall exit. Some things wear off, some disappear, some forgotten while the rest is thrown. Permanent might be the memories and impact, yet presence is never the case. 

You can try running as far as you can I bet, our fate though is similar to the dress mentioned. We come all fresh and new, we shine, we impress, and the mighty sword of time takes its course. One day we are all just memories. Naah this doesn't only apply to death, it applies to everything. Relationships, success, etc etc.

Life is tough, get a helmet.

Renuka G

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