End of Degree

Five and a half years of journey and not dedicating a post to honour it would be a shame. 

They say everything starts with a dream. My life in IPGM though kicked off with lots of tears, disappointments, did severe damage to my self-esteem yet progressed somehow. Life begins at the end of one's comfort zone, couldn't agree more. Despite all that broke me and wound me, I survived. The credit definitely goes to the wonderful souls I met along the way. Some who sat beside me and listened, the rest who touched my life from a far distance. Thank you is not suffice to show how much I appreciate your kindness. 

There were phases so tormenting I came pass. The fact that I am calm enough today to recall them is just the power of time which turned things over. Nothing lasts forever is both a happy and sad phrase. In this case it is most certainly something I am smiling while writing it down. I don't know your story but this is mine. Speaking from my perspective, all that I am now is everything that happened to me. My past made me myself. Even though it was never in my dreams to teach, the five years were a journey of self-discovery of a kind. I have no grand confessions that my interests have changed, I love what I am doing, I can't wait to be working. No. I can't lie to myself. That is what I learnt.

For many years I lived that way. Lying to myself, giving myself excuses, refusing to accept what is right in front of my eyes, denying reality, trying to be someone I am not. But every single mistake gave me a lesson which I fortunately took as a voice from above. Instincts were a good companion I should say.  I didn't change because I wanted to, it was the call of circumstances that somehow made a huge impact on the person I am. It took me half a decade to finally discover my passion and build my dreams. Along the way I also picked up some great truths about people, relationships and the course of life in general. My story so far seem perfect with the flaws and damages because that is what it was meant to be like. And I am happy to  be holding the pen still.

This degree means so little compared to the experiences but it is of course the milestone which will bring me closer to my dreams. Yes I know what I want to do, like finally.

People sometimes have an unrealistic image of what life should be like and jumps into comparing theirs with the person beside them. It doesn't work that way. We all will achieve different things at different stages after different struggles and different experiences. Life begins when you believe that you too are entitled for success and happiness though not at this right moment, at the same level with someone else. Dream, believe in it, work hard and don't stop till you bask the fruits. That is what I learnt. Nothing beats a strong heart and mind. Once you get the perfect balance of both, you are on your way towards something great.

While some of my peers are celebrating, I am still positively outlining my route to success. I can't wait to make my dreams come true. I am happy what I did not enjoy showed me what I should be doing. Who knew, right?

Never underestimate the experiences life put you through, there's a reason behind everything that had happened. I am humbled and I am thankful. Having said that, I would like wish everyone in my life well and good luck in their future undertakings. You all made this possible.

Renuka G

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Le Memoire Night 2014

classic!

Just a few more pit-stops before I bid farewell to Terengganu. Whatever the future holds, I hope I will always have the most precious bunch of friends that I have found here by my side.

I can't exactly say if it was a rough road or a pleasant journey, but it was made better by all the people I met along the way. 

Without the experiences and lessons, I wouldn't have been who I am today. Thank you for the best moments and cheers to more!

With love,

Renuka G

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That extent

Oh lord, I can't believe this feeling. It all started with a dream. Not the one you sow within yourself and reap after years of hard work, it is the one you get when reality shuts off with your eyes. I had a dream, a dream like I was being chased. Way too much running, way too many people, in various places and I could not recall the reason. 

In the morning when I am all conscious, curiosity kicked in. Honestly speaking, I am not one of those superstitious bunch who hunts down the meaning behind dreams and the symbols in it. So it might come as a huge surprise if I were to say, the impossible actually took place. Oh boy, I goggled it!

Sorry cats, curiosity fortunately did not kill me, literally, but it sure did in a much harmless manner. Just in case you all did not already know, let me explain what running in a dream means. 

"To dream that you are running away from someone indicates an issue that you are trying to avoid. You are not taking or accepting responsibility for your actions."

So that was it. Two sentences pricking on me like a thorn since morning and even worse, I know exactly what the issues were. On a different note, it is pretty funny how some things can even find a way into your mind consequently, morphing into a dream. As my practical inner voice whispers, it might be purely coincidental. However, realizing resolving is better than keep running, I am going to take it as a sign. 

I have spent years running away from some feelings, fears and events. At times the fact that I love to escape some instances, it plagues me. Most people actually do not like to confront problems , instead they prefer to run some distance before doing so or flee right away the moment it starts. I am one of them. Ignorance is bliss, I faithfully believe that. The harsh truth though is, I am a coward. Those who flee mostly, in fact are .

Some nights I sit here wondering for how long I'm going to isolate some thoughts and problems just to stay in peace. Now I discovered peace is only for those who face their fears and address their problems, not for those who build walls and engage filters. 

Running is cool. It's like telling the world you do not care about whatever in the present or past . But what's the point of painting the cool portrait when reality mirrors a face with thousand worries? Something to ponder indeed. 

Renuka G

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Painting Rainbows

Life is getting exciting by day. Or maybe it has always been that way waiting for me to notice someday. Whatever it is, I am feeling it now, especially lately. 2014 being the final year of my degree programme the excitement seems to be of all sort. By excitement I do not signify all sweet and lovely things but everything that makes time a sprinter. It is as if you are chasing after the moon. It appears like it is moving with you and you keep running like an idiot,  nonstop. Oh yes I am an idiot! Life has been pretty thrilling leaving no space to stop thinking and I am kind of loving this experience.

It feels like just yesterday, sounds like a cliche uh? Nine months flew by so quickly that I could not recall how. Now that I open my eyes, I have an interview to give my best shot, final amendments to my action research report, exams and goodbye Terengganu. Wow! Even more amazing, how did five years went by?

While I am turning the pages of my life, I can see I am moving a step closer to a very new chapter. The chapter of being a teacher. The chapter full of responsibilities which will add more maturity as I flip through the pages. I am not sure if the end of the current swift exciting chapter would lead to joy or stress, but fingers-crossed.

Till this current moment , I have actively participated  in every decisions, twists and turns of my story. I loved watching myself grow. Recalling who I had been 5 years ago and who I am now, guess I am overjoyed with my current self. The experiences most certainly made me stronger, wiser and everything that I am now. I don't know how the next chapter would begin or end, but I just want to grow.

My principle is simple, be satisfied, be grateful but never settle. It is a great big world to explore with so much to experience, so much to be curious about, so much to learn and I know I won't be the same as time waves by. I believe everything had happened and will happen for a reason, so I am all prepared to be a sponge that absorbs good things and a sieve that filters everything insignificant.

Renuka G

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Switching off

I do not want to start a post with a sigh but I just did, I guess. It was just a few days ago I was grumbling about leaving some habits and today it is another one that got me all drenched in guilt. Guilt is a pain! Of a sort.
Social media can be a little addictive, isn't it?

Wait, that is a white lie! Social media is indeed addictive!

I am one of the pathetic addicts who is confessing to my sins, next should be you. I know you know. While they say there are numerous healthy ways to start one's day, I pick to scroll down facebook newsfeed and instagram. While they say it is good to read a book before you fall asleep, I read all the online magazines only because it is free. Actually the last one should be forgiven because printed mags are not for my monthly budget.

Lately I am guilt-tripped by my own thinking. What if someday, I lose all access to the social media? What if the entire online library require a payment? What if I lose my phone? What if there's no electricity for an entire year? Should I just bury myself alive then?

Addiction to internet is very common lately and the number of addicts are growing in number within seconds. We seem like slaves to the social media who don't even bother to have lunch together without constantly checking who updated what. Our lives revolve around our electronic gadgets basically when the true purpose of these machines is to make communication easier. In recent days though, we only communicate with them. Some of us are slowly blending into the socially awkward bunch who feels satisfied as long as they have access to the wi-fi in public places and not bother if only aliens reside there.

I do understand how the society including myself is driven by curiosity and 'thirst for knowledge', but there should be a limit. If we prioritize social medias and what is on the internet, we would someday lose precious moments like laughing together while sharing our meals and run out of memories of  the times we have a heart-to-heart conversation with a loved one while looking into each others' eyes. Is that okay with you? I feel disturbed.

Even though I love surfing the net, I prefer cruising with a bunch of lovely friends while enjoying the simple pleasures life offers. As the first baby step to reduce gloating over the numerous webpages which keeps my day going, I am picking up a book, literally a book with printed-pages to read. At least this way I would have an hour or two away from my laptop. My phone? Hmm will figure that one later.

Good luck curing your addiction!
Renuka G

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23rd and moving on

Old habits die hard. The habits that we pick up at some point of time once fossilized within us won't leave us. Just like a tattoo, we take them everywhere we go, for as long as we live. I think I am not alone. We all have at least one habit that irks  us so much but has become a rock that won't budge from our daily lives. Be it a common nail-biting routine or an embarrassing stalking-the-past agenda, we all had at some moment got sick of it and became determined to quit though it never was the reality the next moment.

Since I have just turned 23 officially, I am here to talk about habits, habits that I want to wrap up and dispose before they could define me. As we grow, our curiosity grows with us. I guess. The sudden need for details and explanations and justifications drive us crazy. After-all we are all humans chasing behind the truth. To satisfy ourselves, we often develop some silly habits that mounts to nothing but more heartache and mental-torture. Yes I just wrote mental-'torture', you read it right!

Making a guess, we humans like to calculate our losses and gains in some ways just to balance the equation or even better feel good about the gains. If we find out that a person who rejected us having a tough time, we feel like a thousand dollar deposited into our account. Something like that. But the truth being, there is no explicit gain for any party in this situation. The next day we are all going to move on with our work and the silly habit of stalking become a small dessert during lunch. And that was just an example.

My point is simple, I think the ugliest habits most people especially girls suffer from is stalking. The root of the cause being their inability to let go. In my life, as years passed I did let go of some things and people. However, as new people walk out the door, the curiosity kicks in again. I do not wish to be curios of people and their behaviour anymore. In fact I am embarrassed of this habit. The other day someone wise advised me to not do or see things that will hurt myself. It was indeed eye-opening. I owe it all to that person.

I think it is about time I focus on my future. I have so much ahead of me. Having a degree won't do my ambition any justice. I am far behind I should say. Masters would be a long hectic journey, pursuing my passion for baking and make-up would be another. Then I want to travel around the world, then I want to this, I want to do that. I do not want some ugly habits to crack me and slow me down because everything somehow will bruise your self-esteem and that definitely makes a huge difference. Don't think it is fair to put my dreams at stake for some silly loss-gain balance.

Apart from all the seriousness, I had an awesome birthday. Thank you to my dad who has always been sweet, for that person who called and wished at 12, my sister and my sisters in IPG who made my day extra special. God I am gonna leave Terengganu with so much good memories and a handful of great friends!

Renuka G

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