That extent

Oh lord, I can't believe this feeling. It all started with a dream. Not the one you sow within yourself and reap after years of hard work, it is the one you get when reality shuts off with your eyes. I had a dream, a dream like I was being chased. Way too much running, way too many people, in various places and I could not recall the reason. 

In the morning when I am all conscious, curiosity kicked in. Honestly speaking, I am not one of those superstitious bunch who hunts down the meaning behind dreams and the symbols in it. So it might come as a huge surprise if I were to say, the impossible actually took place. Oh boy, I goggled it!

Sorry cats, curiosity fortunately did not kill me, literally, but it sure did in a much harmless manner. Just in case you all did not already know, let me explain what running in a dream means. 

"To dream that you are running away from someone indicates an issue that you are trying to avoid. You are not taking or accepting responsibility for your actions."

So that was it. Two sentences pricking on me like a thorn since morning and even worse, I know exactly what the issues were. On a different note, it is pretty funny how some things can even find a way into your mind consequently, morphing into a dream. As my practical inner voice whispers, it might be purely coincidental. However, realizing resolving is better than keep running, I am going to take it as a sign. 

I have spent years running away from some feelings, fears and events. At times the fact that I love to escape some instances, it plagues me. Most people actually do not like to confront problems , instead they prefer to run some distance before doing so or flee right away the moment it starts. I am one of them. Ignorance is bliss, I faithfully believe that. The harsh truth though is, I am a coward. Those who flee mostly, in fact are .

Some nights I sit here wondering for how long I'm going to isolate some thoughts and problems just to stay in peace. Now I discovered peace is only for those who face their fears and address their problems, not for those who build walls and engage filters. 

Running is cool. It's like telling the world you do not care about whatever in the present or past . But what's the point of painting the cool portrait when reality mirrors a face with thousand worries? Something to ponder indeed. 

Renuka G

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Painting Rainbows

Life is getting exciting by day. Or maybe it has always been that way waiting for me to notice someday. Whatever it is, I am feeling it now, especially lately. 2014 being the final year of my degree programme the excitement seems to be of all sort. By excitement I do not signify all sweet and lovely things but everything that makes time a sprinter. It is as if you are chasing after the moon. It appears like it is moving with you and you keep running like an idiot,  nonstop. Oh yes I am an idiot! Life has been pretty thrilling leaving no space to stop thinking and I am kind of loving this experience.

It feels like just yesterday, sounds like a cliche uh? Nine months flew by so quickly that I could not recall how. Now that I open my eyes, I have an interview to give my best shot, final amendments to my action research report, exams and goodbye Terengganu. Wow! Even more amazing, how did five years went by?

While I am turning the pages of my life, I can see I am moving a step closer to a very new chapter. The chapter of being a teacher. The chapter full of responsibilities which will add more maturity as I flip through the pages. I am not sure if the end of the current swift exciting chapter would lead to joy or stress, but fingers-crossed.

Till this current moment , I have actively participated  in every decisions, twists and turns of my story. I loved watching myself grow. Recalling who I had been 5 years ago and who I am now, guess I am overjoyed with my current self. The experiences most certainly made me stronger, wiser and everything that I am now. I don't know how the next chapter would begin or end, but I just want to grow.

My principle is simple, be satisfied, be grateful but never settle. It is a great big world to explore with so much to experience, so much to be curious about, so much to learn and I know I won't be the same as time waves by. I believe everything had happened and will happen for a reason, so I am all prepared to be a sponge that absorbs good things and a sieve that filters everything insignificant.

Renuka G

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Switching off

I do not want to start a post with a sigh but I just did, I guess. It was just a few days ago I was grumbling about leaving some habits and today it is another one that got me all drenched in guilt. Guilt is a pain! Of a sort.
Social media can be a little addictive, isn't it?

Wait, that is a white lie! Social media is indeed addictive!

I am one of the pathetic addicts who is confessing to my sins, next should be you. I know you know. While they say there are numerous healthy ways to start one's day, I pick to scroll down facebook newsfeed and instagram. While they say it is good to read a book before you fall asleep, I read all the online magazines only because it is free. Actually the last one should be forgiven because printed mags are not for my monthly budget.

Lately I am guilt-tripped by my own thinking. What if someday, I lose all access to the social media? What if the entire online library require a payment? What if I lose my phone? What if there's no electricity for an entire year? Should I just bury myself alive then?

Addiction to internet is very common lately and the number of addicts are growing in number within seconds. We seem like slaves to the social media who don't even bother to have lunch together without constantly checking who updated what. Our lives revolve around our electronic gadgets basically when the true purpose of these machines is to make communication easier. In recent days though, we only communicate with them. Some of us are slowly blending into the socially awkward bunch who feels satisfied as long as they have access to the wi-fi in public places and not bother if only aliens reside there.

I do understand how the society including myself is driven by curiosity and 'thirst for knowledge', but there should be a limit. If we prioritize social medias and what is on the internet, we would someday lose precious moments like laughing together while sharing our meals and run out of memories of  the times we have a heart-to-heart conversation with a loved one while looking into each others' eyes. Is that okay with you? I feel disturbed.

Even though I love surfing the net, I prefer cruising with a bunch of lovely friends while enjoying the simple pleasures life offers. As the first baby step to reduce gloating over the numerous webpages which keeps my day going, I am picking up a book, literally a book with printed-pages to read. At least this way I would have an hour or two away from my laptop. My phone? Hmm will figure that one later.

Good luck curing your addiction!
Renuka G

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23rd and moving on

Old habits die hard. The habits that we pick up at some point of time once fossilized within us won't leave us. Just like a tattoo, we take them everywhere we go, for as long as we live. I think I am not alone. We all have at least one habit that irks  us so much but has become a rock that won't budge from our daily lives. Be it a common nail-biting routine or an embarrassing stalking-the-past agenda, we all had at some moment got sick of it and became determined to quit though it never was the reality the next moment.

Since I have just turned 23 officially, I am here to talk about habits, habits that I want to wrap up and dispose before they could define me. As we grow, our curiosity grows with us. I guess. The sudden need for details and explanations and justifications drive us crazy. After-all we are all humans chasing behind the truth. To satisfy ourselves, we often develop some silly habits that mounts to nothing but more heartache and mental-torture. Yes I just wrote mental-'torture', you read it right!

Making a guess, we humans like to calculate our losses and gains in some ways just to balance the equation or even better feel good about the gains. If we find out that a person who rejected us having a tough time, we feel like a thousand dollar deposited into our account. Something like that. But the truth being, there is no explicit gain for any party in this situation. The next day we are all going to move on with our work and the silly habit of stalking become a small dessert during lunch. And that was just an example.

My point is simple, I think the ugliest habits most people especially girls suffer from is stalking. The root of the cause being their inability to let go. In my life, as years passed I did let go of some things and people. However, as new people walk out the door, the curiosity kicks in again. I do not wish to be curios of people and their behaviour anymore. In fact I am embarrassed of this habit. The other day someone wise advised me to not do or see things that will hurt myself. It was indeed eye-opening. I owe it all to that person.

I think it is about time I focus on my future. I have so much ahead of me. Having a degree won't do my ambition any justice. I am far behind I should say. Masters would be a long hectic journey, pursuing my passion for baking and make-up would be another. Then I want to travel around the world, then I want to this, I want to do that. I do not want some ugly habits to crack me and slow me down because everything somehow will bruise your self-esteem and that definitely makes a huge difference. Don't think it is fair to put my dreams at stake for some silly loss-gain balance.

Apart from all the seriousness, I had an awesome birthday. Thank you to my dad who has always been sweet, for that person who called and wished at 12, my sister and my sisters in IPG who made my day extra special. God I am gonna leave Terengganu with so much good memories and a handful of great friends!

Renuka G

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Beauty I say..

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, I could not agree more. Beauty is something very subjective and I will never find the perfect definition for the word but I would let you know my take on it. Some people believe inner beauty compliments the physical looks. Some claim beauty to be solely judged on either one, mostly agreeing that to be physical looks. I think we have passed those times where we measure beauty by the fullness of the lips and sharpness of the nose and how defined the curls and curves are. Physical looks just soothes the eyes, not your ears or your mind.

Not to offend the drop-dead-beautiful-looking girls out there, you girls are perfect in a way. In my reality though, I  feel what one's looks like is a bonus to one's personality. Simply put, inner beauty before the outer. I have been called ugly, fat and more absurd things in my life, I do not care if it is true. My point is, of all the people I have met the wonderful bunch are not beauty queens or girls who could get ten winks only by  swaying their hair.

As much as I want to condemn some men for selecting partner by their looks, I think the choice is personal. If you prefer to live with a high-heeled mannequin, that is your decision. But my heart goes out to man who sees a girl inside-out. To live with a good face and good mind and good heart are three completely different things. If you ask me, a good mind and heart would walk you a lifetime while the skin sags and the hair greys as time eats you up.

I have heard some ridiculous remarks like physical beauty would give one beautiful kids, cannot be changed, get everybody's attention etc etc. Like, give me second! It is a simple comparison to an orange. As much as it looks good to eat a sliced-orange with the skin-on compared to a peeled one, somehow the skin is not going into your system. Once again, it soothes your eyes but somehow at some point it serves no purpose.

Well, point blank I do understand nobody wants to spend their entire lives looking at something so dull and less pretty. Trust me, we all want a little glow. However, inner beauty without a doubt is the priority! Others are bonus. Just like a good book with a well-illustrated cover, the person you are should overpower youself more than your gorgeous hair and hour-glass curves (which is the ultimate stereotype surely), and that is the real deal!

With that said, I would like to give a big hug and wish a rain of glitters for the girls and ladies and women who are balancing the equation right and for the wise men who own them! Kindly accept this sugar-sprinkled doughnut :D

Nothing beats a smile uh though it looks so retard-like?!

Renuka G

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Sunshine and Rainbows

I don't think you need thousand moments to tell you if you are happy and a thousand and one more to tell if you are a sad soul. All we actually need is to count our blessings. Sometimes we expect too much from people but we fail to realize they have their moods and rough days too. We think life is a straight line build with tons of roses and all sweet things but we miss the roughness of the surface underneath.

Count your blessings.

If yesterday meant something, it sure did. Somehow someday it might repeat, who knows? If today was tough, that's alright, tomorrow it will be past already. Be happy ! It is all in the mind. Smiles are prettier than a frown and nothing compares a good laugh at the end of any day of your life.

There is just so much to be thankful for. Never brood around sadness or self-pity too much, it might become a habit. Happy pills are addictive, blessings are wonderful. So remember,you are your choices!

Life is good for me, how about you?

Renuka G

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