A Pristine Play

We can't have everything, and it smiles right there ..

Have you ever been clueless on this one feeling that cling so bad at the back of your mind that every time you try to get rid of it , another reason it throws to escalate those thoughts into wrath? Hatred. Does that ring a bell? 

Well I have my own little black book albeit my claims never stand in polar to the proclamations made. Hysteric I had been to make believe my own self that I don’t hate people but little did I know a forlorn attempt is forever jinxed. After the tenacious crusade with my own self, here I am speaking about hatred.

I don’t know how many of you never hated but apparently I did. Out of anger, out of jealousy, out of perhaps nothing. I defied my own decorum, yes I did. In retrospect, things taught me how ruinous hatred could be and little clue that I had it would come falling on my own self. I’m bearing hatred within, my shoulders feel so heavy with anger and overall I have become burdened and exhausted yet I walked so far just to learn the hard way, dead ends are no home. Albeit I made one. 

yes i walked with that....

I’m not advocating the right and wrong because I already know. Can I return though? Do I have one last chance to undo and rebound from the damage I shattered all over the place? If it takes a dream to pick up the pieces, will it be possible to call a cease fire?

Hatred is a disease they say.  The point gone unmentioned though is whether it’s chronic or just contagious.  We spread hatred better than love and that takes no army I know. However, can an epidemic turn benign under the label of chronic?

i don't know what it is

I sure can call it day and bow off under given circumstances, but will this manisfesto of mine stand even a moment after I put this up? That speaks a whole new chapter. Or perhaps a book!

Dramas in my life have the history of lasting longer than my penned resolutions so watch out folks, I haven’t end anything just yet. Either way, I still owe an apology. I’m sorry. ( Even though I know the person won’t read this)

 Renuka G

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Those Lips, These nails

Do colours scare you off?

terrified?

 No? Join the bandwagon!

I don’t take yes for an answer here but since you inssists perhaps you are just plain old for a little glam =p

how i honor his designs....

If you think fall is for boring people who hoofs around in nude Victorian boots and monochrome pleated skirts, I bet you are SO wrong. I don't know, maybe a copy of Glamour got out of reach! Or perhaps your momentary fashion eyes just deceived so badly .

Be careful what you strip off from your closet girls, because neon colours and jewel tones shouldn’t go astray yet!

Speaking about colours, the old couple is making a debut on the runways once again after the heart-shattering love they feasted during summer/spring 2011 under fashion houses like Dior and Marc By Marc Jacobs. (Hey have you girls heard that? About Marc Jacobs the soon-to-be Creative Director of Dior? How great does that sound!!! ) Still vague about the pair? Let me break the suspense through a picture!

more colours, less words..it makes a statement!

Did i just turn you girls google-eyed with this combo of Pink lips, Orange nails?? Isn’t this the sweetest pair ever?? Trust me nobody wants to go out looking like a candy jar by donning jewel toned dresses and a pink-orange combo as an additional flavour. But the truth being, nothing can sound as OLD and lame as the statement made. Come on, what are you? A hag in her 70s who fancies up according to the colour of her hair? I don’t wanna hear that please.

Point Blank, this trend has the potential to look incredible on virtually anyone who dares to try! A pink lip-stick with the shade that compliments your skin colour (pastel ones are highly recommended) and of course the suitable orange hue for those delicate nails and you hop on honey!

Nina Ricci Fall 2011 collection certainly flashed in glory for having devoted this trend on their runways. Some pictures for you:

Peach-pink lips!! gorgeous =D

Look sweet on those long delicate fingers..

MY favorite!!! she looks so amazing!! *Awe-struck*

Yummy uh?? Call it a Delilah’s asset, color-blocking in action, candy shop inspired or whatever preferred! But don't deny the love. 

You are crushing on a colour combo babe, there is no time obsess! Just an ownership to be considered =)

Renuka G

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We Care..behind the veil

What is with “care” that keep us glued tight to it all along? Like I care right...

I bet the last one liner was said more than enough in your life yet you still care, don’t you?  In fact we all do right? The question though is whether we admit it? I’m no exception in this case of course. I care, perhaps way too much that sometimes I wonder my life had been more about people and their unworthy ( most of the times) opinions that made me flinch from so many things. 

Consequences of caring too much!

Well, having an acrid vision and awareness about my surrounding and of course the people in it, I would say deep inside we all don’t wanna give a damn, but always and forever it remains a forlorn attempt. No matter how many times we convince ourselves to not look back and muse at the “he said, she said”, we end up digging deeper into it. You can’t deny, it’s just human nature! When the intention speaks to find the cause, we are somehow tousled with a full report bearing all the wh- words covered! Not bad uh? We are just smartie pants ,I know...

The thing is like this, we all have this innate value of curiosity etched within, don’t we? Well, that is certainly THE tell tale proof and justification for our absolutely normal behaviour which often end up embarrassing us at some busted circumstances. Yet  who cares right? and its ironic!

Looks like she doesn't...hmmm

Curiosity makes the title while the drive to know our own self takes up the subtitle. Basically its a package that you can’t break up. Whether you realize it or choose to blindfold yourself from the fact, it is what it is. We are obsessed by this I-wanna-know demon that often takes us on a interrogatively scornful ride under the theme of “ I FREAKING CARE!”. Some of us flaunt to possess 101 knowledge about our own self but that never refrain any of us from a piece of crude info by another being!  As the matter of fact, we love them. Secretly! While pretending to be Victoria beckham of course. Tell me when was the last time you ignored a remark and slept peacefully like you just heard nothing? 

That is the power of an opinion! I mean of others on you. Point-blank, we like ourselves to be reviewed. When its good, we flaunt and when it speaks otherwise, we get chafed, stressed and find the urge to question the remark made. However hiding behind the curtains of pride, we tend to portray that deadpan face as if it means nothing, when deep inside that is all you dwelled on the entire time.

Even that will come off! so plan B???

Hypothetically speaking, it is like a night at the masquerade ball. When the masks come up, its all in disguise .Everyone seem less shaken and proud to not show. But donned masks will eventually get worn girls. Will you care then?

Renuka G

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A Zany Complains..

Fiddling the violin of studentship for decades long, I can key out a thing that each and everyone of us confront oft in their “sweet” times of being a learner. COMPLAINTS!  Knotty encounters are the most spoken after the story of a lad who twinned Casanova de Seingaltc. Casanova...who can beat that?  Anyway it’s a moot fitting to this post so don’t muse too much about it... or shall I say “Casanova”?

Coping the thing that engulfs u

Back on complaints! We send a lot of complaints up there, at the side, everywhere we can, don’t we? In those “whys”, “hows” and those words that can blow up your grandmother’s healthy speakers! The Fs and Ss and Bs just don’t get tired as you throw them out your mouth nonstop. Yet they don’t complain!( Like I know)

What are in these complaints or perhaps a bleak cry for help that featherbeds us to the extent of a life long addiction ?  We tack ourselves onto them so badly at all stages, prior doing, during periods and not forgetting the moot  after task complaints! What are we? Sedatephobics who can’t bear silence? Please prove me wrong.

A confession still.Though I’m ardently dedicating myself to create a post on this, little can I deny if complaints were a bandwagon I would be the freaking leader! I pop out the mother, father, children, a family of complaints every day. Sorry but point-blank the number of complaints shelved by me can’t beat any mighty statistics! Its a critical notion indeed but you won’t regret trusting me on this. So I’m eventually forking out and delivering this post to those on the same boat as mommy here.

we go this crazy complaining...

The only obvious thing about complaining is that we enjoy doing it so much! its like trip to Toys R Us for the proverbial Jack who is all about work. We feel good when curse and humiliate them like of those high school bullies who content themselves by the slightest cue which puts them on the seat of the highness. We float on the sky when we scorn a foe don’t we?? In this case the things we feel dissatisfied about. More often in a student’s life, in the name of assignments and projects! Our juvenile ideas are just awesomazing you know!

totally!!!

 I won’t say its wrong to complain. Much I have learnt speaks no harm about talking over hard times. It may not exactly fall under booster but its not the opposite either. As long as you don’t depress over it and annoy the one next to you with 24/7 free lesson on “How to complain?” then its abso-freaking-lutely NORMAL and OK. Complain, satisfy your whatever grudge, no problems but make sure what is to be done is checked at the end!

To complain, To satisfy: Permission GRANTED!

Renuka G

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Wake Up!

Keeping things vague...

The one thing more arduous than making up is waking up. As we pirouette like an aimlessly swaying ballerina, little do we attend to the proverbial grass that has apparently drooped at all corners.

To afloat on the sweetest side of the wild most ocean  certainly seem a hefty heaven than a risky hazard but what happens when the subject of nature billows?

Is it really worth to elude reality and gloat in the world of fantasy or is it sensible to wake up and confront the harsh soaring spines along the ride?

We all would rather choose to be pinned up to a dream for sweetest things it has to offer. Even so, as we get busy awing the sizzle that shoots up, it’s the fizzle that overwhelms us at the finish line.

A penning of  frivolous teen

Renuka G

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A Teacher I guess

I have constantly questioned this choice I made but every time I reflect it is like a never ending state. Time passed and still passing, it has been more than 2 years and here I am still wondering whether this is what I really wanted, I jolly should do or just my destiny. A lot of things in the past and at the present have taught me that its never easy to convince my own self. Neither it is to control my thinking. 

My dear peers,

Why do you want to be a teacher?

 This is the  key question that many of you meddle with like myself here but have procrastinated in finding an answer. I suggest you all start searching for your motivation now. Every morning when I wake up, I foresee and put myself together for the much dissatisfaction I will have to squeeze myself for on that day. I also see that these difficulties will stretch on for many frustrating years since it has been 2 years since I started on this course. Every morning before I make my way to the class , I struggle to be convinced with my own answers. More often than not, I fail but who cares and who can make a difference. 

Let’s just face the facts, there is no splendour, fortune or ease to be found in this profession what more if you are later posted in a rural world which so alien to those of the same background as me. But there is a need. So great this need is that it requires a willing heart to sacrifice itself for the benefit of others. When you go to your school, you will see this need, it might succumb you, suffocate you and trust me it do wonders that you have never imagined. You see it in the blank stares of the blank slates in your class, their unknowing errors & their hesitance to use the language.  This one week experience at conassian convent made me muse deep for an answer which remain submerged. I saw a lot. And I'm the least motivated to pursue this. It just went by the wind. My heart is not on this. I will never get where I once saw heaven.

Even if I were to stay blind on the posting, what good does the course itself brings? Just a piece of advice to anyone who wants to join a TESL programme in a government teachers training college just because you LOVE English,  I suggest forget it, forgo it. I can’t say it any better. I’m that person who took Literature in English for my SPM just for the fun of literature and Shakespeare. The only reason I was convinced about this programme WAS because it is ENGLISH. Apparently I was wrong. English is of close to no value. Those with a good command of English are just tiny bacteria. Perhaps like everyone else.  Its all about teaching, who cares about English!

I feel my patience is wearing thin. I constantly depress that I am no longer doing exactly what I believe in, that I can dictate my thoughts and everything else. I can’t love it and I can’t force it!

We all cling on hopes that the future is what we expect it to be, as a sculpture you want to see, touch and awe. It is faith that grips us from pulling the plug, from throwing our hands up in defeat. Every now and then, our hopes are challenged and we feel like there is not much left to prove.

Have I lost hope? What am I trying to prove, really? That I can do it under all stress?  that I can free myself of what I wanted to be? that I’m a superwoman who is all happy?

No answer sounds sweet here.

Let’s not deny it, teaching is unglamorous, tedious and painful. Honestly. I have not well-read this the hard way but I find it hard to accept that this is reality. I can’t anticipate my graduation knowing it just the end of pain and depression but not realization of the dreams. Though I know I can pursue what I want after all these tough years. But what if...........

I’m patient, I’m not a waiter. I might be a rebel but I’m not a chaser.....

Renuka G

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